"DARK SACRIFICE"
Ben gazed down at the rows of pupils as they cheered and clapped him with enthusiasm. He picked up his lecture notes and put them into his leather briefcase and held up his hand. The pupils politely stopped clapping. Ben smiled elegantly:
"Thank you very much. Your show of apprecitiation really does express more than words can the superiority of the private school system over the state sector. Had I been delivering this lecture to an audience of state school flotsam and jetsam, they would have been on their phones, talking over me and guffawing after a couple of minutes. I thank you again and thank your school for inviting me to address you.Merry Christmas all of you"
The pupils cheered again as Ben stepped down from the platform. He had accepted the offer to deliver a lecture on archaeological dating techniques to Grandford School for Boys partly as a means of avoiding having to travel down to Wiltshire to see his parents over Christmas. It was Christmas Eve and the school had put on a special program of lectures to occupy the minds of those boarders whose parents were wealthy enough to bung the school an extra wad of cash to keep their boys at school over Christmas and out of their hair. Ben found this rather strange however he admired the school's emphasis on learning as opposed to trivial entertainment pursuits. The headmaster, Mr Metcalfe, approached Ben:
"That was delightful. Truely splendid. Can I offer you a glass of sherry back in my office before you leave us?"
Ben was looking forward to the short drive back to Cambridge and the quiet, romantic Christmas for two which he had planned. However he thought he'd better humour the head, given the size of the fee he was demanding.
A short time later, Ben was sitting in Mr Metcalfe's study enjoying a glass of fine sherry and chatting about Viking artefacts. He admired the oak pannelled room with its extensive book collection and log fire.
"You know I really like your school. It is completely devoid of the kind of course, functional modernism which pervades most educational establishments these days."
Two sixth formers, Stephen and Charles, served them their sherry and offered them cakes. Mr Metcalfe smiled:
"Here at Grandford we pride ourselves on our rejection of the vulgar, the commonplace and the modern. Our boys are schooled to be special, to be an elite. I realise that these values may seem antiquarian to you Mr Chatham, however nonetheless they are my values".
Metcalfe stared up at a painting of an old man on the wall:
"That is a painting of my great grandfather, Josiah Metcalfe. He founded this school with the aim of maintaining the traditional values he saw being eroded away from our society by the vulgarity of popular culture and relativism".
Ben stood up:
"Mr Metcalfe it has been a delight to meet you and I admire your school and its ethos very much. However I must be going".
Metcalfe smiled:
"Oh come now Mr Chatham. Please sit down and have another glass of sherry. I want to offer you a permanent position at this school as a master. I believe that you have the kind of values that we are looking for. My research suggested this. In a year you could be a housemaster."
Ben frowned:
"Please don't be offended Mr Metcalfe however I don't want to be a teacher. It's a loser's job and I generally despise children, although your boys are polite. I hope you understand".
Metcalfe shook his head sadly:
"Oh dear what a pity. You are such an attractive young man. However you can still serve the school on another way".
Metcalfe gestured to Stephen and Charles who grabbed Ben and frogmarched him out of the study.
"Hey take your hands off me, what the hell are you doing", Ben shouted angrily. Stephen smiled sadly:
"Please don't make a fuss sir. We enjoyed your lecture and Charles and I have a bit of a crush on you. However by refusing the job you have chosen to become this year's Yuletide sacrifice."
"What the hell do you mean, sacrifice? Are you two on drugs?" Ben yelled back.
"We do not take drugs here at Grandford. We are a traditional school and we need to ensure that our school continues to prosper and achieve strong success rates. It is our custom to offer up a Yuletide sacrifice every year to empower the gods to bring us that success and ensure that all Grandford alumni find good jobs after leaving."
Ben pulled himself free of them and ran down the oak pannelled corridor. However as he turned a corner he was confronted by a large, menacing dog which growled exposing vicious teeth.
"Good work Aloysious", Stephen said to the dog, before whacking Ben over the head with a copy of the complete works of Samuel Taylor Coleridge.
"Hope that didn't hurt too much sir", he commented in a tone of genuine affection.
When Ben woke he was outside in the school grounds tied to the trunk of the huge Christmas tree that the school had exclusively purchased from a Norwegian supplier. He saw that the boys were all dressed up as vikings and the masters also. Mr Metcalfe stepped forward:
"Try not to panic Mr Chatham. It will all be over very quickly. The sixth formers from the shooting club are all very good shots and have practiced the art of the clean kill. We are gifting you a great honour. You are following in the footsteps of Odin when he hung upside down from the tree of life in order to gain the runes. You will be in Valhalla tonight."
Ben was concerned:
"You're all raving mad. I suppose it is too late to accept the teaching post instead".
"I'm afraid so Mr Chatham", Metcalfe responded.
"Then please grant me one final request. You are a civilised English school after all. I would like a fox's glacier mint before you shoot me. There is a packet in my leather briefcase unopened."
Metcalfe gestured to a fifth former to fetch the briefcase. The boy soon returned and Metcalfe took out the packet of mints:
"Ok Benjamin, I hope you don't mind me calling you Benjamin. I will open the mints and
Charles here will put it into your mouth."
Metcalfe opened the packet of mints and a strange, blue vapour came out of the packet and enveloped all of the masters and boys. They fell to the floor in a strange stupor and rolled around in a psychedelic state. All except one small fourth former who seemed to have a bad cold and kept coughing and spluttering.
"Hey you boy, what's your name?" Ben shouted.
"Jeremy sir"
"Well Jeremy the gods have clearly spoken and they want you to untie me now".
Jeremy meekly untied Ben , coughing as he did so. Ben grinned:
"Clearly your blocked nose has saved you from the effects of the gas. It was a good idea of mine to keep a fake packet of mints in my briefcase for just such an occasion as this. However I have a real packet here in my pocket. Would you like one?"
"Yes please sir".
Ben handed Jeremy a Fox's Glacier Mint and had one himself. He felt the world
undulate around him and saw strange colours pulsating in his mind. He then phoned the police.
"Jeremy I think you may be the only one left on this school shortly. I therefore name you the new headmaster".
"Thank you sir. Any chance of another mint?"
THE END
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