Tuesday, 27 March 2012

Gallifrey Base is Down

And I was looking forward to spending the whole evening on there!

Sunday, 25 March 2012

"The Wedding of Ben Chatham" Part 9

Ok folks, here is the next part of this epic story. Imagine that you are watching it on screen on a warm summer Saturday evening at 6pm. Lets make it happen:


John Drake sat back in his chair and laughed.
"Ok Ben. I should have realised that destroying your organisation wouldn't be a completely easy ride. However you must realise that you cannot possibly win."
"Answer the question Drake! What's this all about?" Katie shouts. Drake laughed again:
"Ahh its the lovely MIss Ryan. You are as attractive in the flesh as you are in photographs." Ben is bemused:
"We are not here to listen to your disingenuous compliments. Please furnish us with a proper explanation" he stated.
"Now now. My compliment was not disingenuous. I would like to think that in different circumstances Miss Ryan and I could get to know each other much more closely. However duty is duty. You people need to realise that the government has its priorities and that your organisation is, how shall I put this, in the way. How about we come to an arrangement. Shall we say £500,000 each for yourselves and the rest of your team to quietly disband and keep your mouths' shut?".
Ben reacted with fury:
"*tossing his golden hair out of his dark eyes* We can't be just bought off Drake. Even if we were to accept your outrageous 'offer' how could we be certain that you wouldn't have us quietly disposed of one by one later?"
Drake laughed:
"Oh such cynicism. As if I would."
Lin Sang stepped forward and pulled out a small, petite golden pistol from his chic handbag:
"You talk now. We want answers."
"I suggest that you all consider my offer seriously. Ok, I will explain, since there is no chance of you getting this information into the public domain. Just over two years ago, a significant offer was recieved by us from ... from visitors. From another world. Obviously such information is both politically sensitive and potentialy damaging to the cohesion of society. It would not be beneficial to anyone to publicise the details of this and risk unnecessary debate and division. Suffice to say that the visitors have offered us unprecedented technical advancement and healthcare advice which could advance society by several hundred years. British business stands to make billions."
Ben frowned:
"I do not accept your explanation. What is the catch? Why else are you keeping this from the public?"
"Well obviously there is no such thing as a free lunch. We must supply out visitors with a regular supply of good quality material. However to fail to do this will cost the economy billions."
"What kind of material?" Ben asked.
"Our visitors require some of our population resources. This is hardly unusual and has happened before. They also require that our government allow them a territorial resource. We believe that South Wales would be suitable for this and a cover story is currently being worked on to facilitate this."
"So you plan to hand over the whole of South Wales and loads of people to some unknown alien invaders?" Katie shouts. Drake laughed:
"Please don't be over dramatic and emotional Katie. Think of the economic benefits."
"Who are these aliens? Why you help them?" Lin Sang shouted:
"They have taken on our form. Suffice to say that they come from a planet called Zeneth and work for someone or something known as 'The Exalted Creath......."

As he spoke they heard the sound of sirens outside the building:
"Someone must have seen Lin using the disc on the security men and called for back up. Lets get out of here" Katie shouted.
"You come with us now" Lin Sang shouted at Drake, holding the pistol at him. They all ran out of the office and Lin Sang used the Xianovian comfort disc an a large group of armed police who were stomping through the main entrance. They shoved Drake into the back of Ben's vintage car and drove off at speed. Ben drove rapidly to the recording studio as they were 45 minutes late for the next round of sessions for the album. Arriving at the studio they ran inside only to see the place in uproar. Long-haired men with beards lounged about over the mixing desk while there was food and spilled drink all over the floor. The producer Jonathan King was shouting at Shakey Jake:
"... just get these people away from my equipment. This is intolerable."
"What is going on? Who are these people and why isn't the studio ready?" Ben asked.
"Hey chill man. Its just the band man. I asked them here to play on the album man. Like jammin' with us" Jake replied. One of the band staggered to his feet, put his arms around Katie and shoved a massive spliff in her mouth:
"Hey babe have a toke. But don't bogart the joint" he mumbled.
"I am NOT having these lowbrow individuals play on my album" Ben shouted. Jake looked puzzled:
"Hey Ben don't be an uptight fink man. Chill. Have a tab *offered Ben a tab of acid*" Ben took the tab from Jake and turned to the others:
"I have an idea. Jake's irresponsible behaviour may actually have given us the means to turn around our situation. *to Jonathan King* Mr King, am I right that this studio used to be used for television work?"
"Er yes. All the cameras and stuff are still in the store room".

A short time later Jake and his band had set up the tv cameras in the old studio while Corinne Shaw and Paul Farraday arrived from Operation Delta HQ with a laptop-like device. Ben smiled:
"Ah. The overrider we borrowed from Torchwood. Connect this thing up and we can broadcast immediately on all TV channels. Here we go!"
Lin Sang made Drake take the acid tab at pistol point and then they waited. After a few minutes Drake began rambling to himself:
"Like wow its great. I feel I'm floating on a sea of tranquility. Everyone should take acid. Yeah. I'm drifting on the crystal wind".
The cameras were on and the footage going out live. The band sat around Drake as he shared joints with them. At one point he shouted out to Lin Sang:
"Hey babe come and join us. You're a cute girl".
"I not a girl, I beautiful Thai Ladyboy" Lin Sang replied, coyly sitting on Drake's knee. Katie Ryan laughed:
"This is superb footage Ben. Drake is getting a taste of his own medicine. When the public see him taking drugs and cavorting with a Ladyboy his career will be over!"
Ben shouted over to Drake:
"Mr Drake, please tell us and the viewing public where the aliens are based that you and your government have been working for". Drake looked up from kissng LIn Sang and grinned:
"Heyyyyy theyyyyy've like got a ship under the sea just off Walton on the Naze. Its hidden by a cloaking device........"
Ben flicks his hair back:
"Contact UNIT ! Its time for the final showdown!!!!"

...............to be continued.

Death of a Ladies' Man's Story

This wise tale deserves its own thread:

Death of a Ladies' Man. said...
This is Sandor/Mutie/LBC I'm leaving this here for posterity/safe keeping for when it's deleted from Gallifrey base.

Ben and Kyle where invesitaging strange happenings when they came across an eerie and desolate deserted village .. all around where smoked out buildings and abandoned businesses, and not a single sign of life or habitation. Our heroes where baffled by this mysterious dread place...

As they searched for clues... the became aware of smoke coming from an above mountain ledge. When they arrived to investiage, Kyle rolled back a large stone blocking the entrance to a cave. Soon the blazing of Ben's touch burned the eyes of a strange figure who had not seen light or human company in some time. A hideously ugly and twisted hermit, with a yellowed face and the scars of stab wounds all over his person. Ben said, "look here now, tell me about this place, what happened here?"

The hermit began to tale his tale... I AM THE LEMON ABOMINATION and this was once Gallium Frey, a mighty township in the kingdom of Whom. Once this place was plauged by bizarre politics, puritanical attitudes and mob mentality. A wise villager called Mork saw this and wanted to do something about it, so he crafted a fool's mask in the shape of a fish-man and would make a mockery of the absurditys of the social customs of Gallium Frey and the land of Whom. People would come for miles to jeer and pelt him with stones.. but some saw the wisdom in Mork's folly and delighted in how he made a mock of those who would perscute and jeer him. In my admiring youth, I was especially inspired and crafted my own mask in the shaped of a Lemon-headed creature, soon others did too, and those who once jeered the Fish Emperor found pleasure in his fooling. Soon enough the Fish Emperor was one of the most legendary and talked about characters in Gallium Frey, even in Whom. For years and years he we held in high position as people came in mass numbers to see him caper.

After many years, the mayor of Gallium Frey, the Robot Nicked Physician began to feel the Fish Emperor was getting too powerful and notable a part of Gallium Frey life. Many of the villagers were jealous of the attention the Fish Emperor recieved and suppored his charges.. though he was too popular to simply imprision or exile without an uprising. But the mayor had a plan! For a long time the followes of the Fish Emperor had asked for their own land to be free of persecution.. so he would finally give them it! He set up a ghetto far outside and out of view of the city limits of Gallium Frey and posted soliders and guards around its gates. No one could leave and return to the main city unless they swore an oath to never speak of the Fish Emperor. Inside the city those who spoke of the wise fish-headed fool where persecuted or exiled to the ghetto. Soon the Fish Emperor's legend faded, yet still the Robot Nicked Physician would enter the ghetto himself and dictate how the Fish Emperors few remaining followers could live.

It is here where the lines between the mask of the Lemon Abomination and the man behind became blurred, I lost my mind and started becoming the fool's mask and began a bloody revolt against our exile... this sparked a war and huge crack downs on the people of Gallium Frey to prevent subversive elements, soon the city was destroyed or people fleed to other lands.. yet I was exiled and chained in this cave. Yet I have maintained my belief that one day the Fish Emperor will return to Gallium Frey and laughter will once again ringing from its grim streets. The Robot Nicked Physician had this power to exile me, or anyone within his cities walls, yet the flexing of his power did not help his city grow any more mighty. indeed it has lead it to ruins as the people where quite free to go and settle anywhere they wanted in the land of Whom as much as the control freak Mayor was free to exile them.

Heed this story and learn its lessons. Oh, hark!