Wednesday, 2 December 2009

Maggie Jones RIP

Sad news that the actress playing Blanche Hunt in Corrie has died. She was the best character in the soap & Maggie delivered her put-downs & acerbic comments perfectly. RIP

Thursday, 12 November 2009

New Ben Chatham story: Coming Soon!

Exciting news folks. A Brand new Ben Chatham adventure "REBIRTH" is in the pipeline.

Sunday, 8 November 2009

Poor BBC publicity/scheduling of Waters of Mars

The publicity has been minimal and scheduling it for any random Sunday night is ridiculous. Obviously it should have been shown on Halloween.

Morrissey's 'Swords' tour

I'm starting to worry that this might be Moz's last tour. First he collapses onstage and then someone throws a bottle in his face. I'd be inclined to take a rest from live shows and concentrate on writing & recording.

The X Factor

I'm really enjoying this rubbish of late. Personally I'd like to see Jedward win.

Sunday, 18 October 2009

A German language version of Doctor Who

When I was in Germany, it struck me that the language barrier would be a real problem. Not all Germans speak any English and therefore this restricts how many would watch Doctor Who. Obviously the show could be shown dubbed in English or with subtitles but neither really convince. A better solution would be to film each scene several times, once in English, once in German & maybe once in French also. This would widen to appeal of the programme.

Friday, 16 October 2009

The Daily Mail, Stephen Gately & the art of subtle homophobia

I see that Jan Moir's article on Gately's death is causing a wave of complaints. Having read it earlier she certainly appears to be an effective user of subtle insinuation. Nothing overt is said, instead words like 'unnatural', 'lonely', 'sad' etc are dropped in to create a sense of distaste in the minds of the blue rinse brigade. She then claims that his death (of natural causes) somehow strikes a blow against civil partnerships. Er how? Odd woman.

GDR Architecture

Completely underrated in my view. The buildings in the former East Germany have a sense of natural symmetry and solidity. The TV tower is particularly impressive.

I Have Returned From Berlin

A fine city indeed.

Monday, 5 October 2009

DVD recommendation: "The Avengers" series 1&2

This excellent set is out today folks. Contains all of series 2 featuring Honor Blackman as Cathy Gale. Also the surviving series 1 episodes with Ian Hendry as Dr Keel.

Sunday, 4 October 2009

A Ben Chatham movie synopsis: "DELIVERENCE"

OK, here is a synopsis for a Ben Chatham feature film which I hope would really push some of the characters to the limits and add variety to the canon:


Following a series of threatening phone calls, Kyle Scott discovers that he is under threat from a criminal gang that he once did robberies for and whom wrongly believe that Kyle has hidden profits from. Knowing that Kyle is a reformed character, Ben pledges to support his friend. The gang send an enforcer named Garrard round to Ben's apartment. Finding it empty he proceeds to trash the place only for Katie Ryan to stumble in on him. Katie is kidnapped by Garrard who subjects her to threatening acts.

Ben and Kyle track down Garrard to his flat where they find him and a corrupt police inspector named Reece threatening Katie. A fight ensues and Garrard is accidently shot by Kyle while Reece escapes. Fearing retribution by both the police and the gang, Kyle goes on the run, while Ben & Katie decide to stay put and report Reece.Ben and Katie are arrested and charged with Garrard's murder.

Meanwhile, Kyle travels to London. While at Liverpool Street station he overhears a musician saying that he has been evicted from his basement flat for non-payment of rent. Kyle strikes up conversation with him & gets the address. Going round to the flats he breaks into the basement and goes to bed. Waking up, he finds himself surrounded by two naked young women who seduce him. Kyle learns that the flats are owned by a former rock singer Zeno Valiant , who quit the music business after fans shouted 'Judas' at him for sacking his popular lead guitarist Johnny Ramm. Valiant is a transvestite and he & the girls offer Kyle mindbending mushrooms. Kyle is puzzled by the strange transluscent glow coming from the mushrooms and Valient reveals that he actually an alien who has travelled to earth to start a movement to move mankind onto a new plane of consciousness. He tells Kyle that he wants to break down his ego. Kyle tries the mushrooms and feels the violent urges he was having disappear.

Ben & Katie are released on bail and determine to find Kyle before either the gang or the police. Kyle left without taking his phone however Ben & Katie work on the hunch that he is in London. Travelling to the capital, they are clueless what to do next. However Ben has the idea of visiting Kyle's mother. They find her off drugs and willing to co-operate. She tells them that she had a strange phone call from Kyle earlier in which he spoke of unlocking ones latent consciousness and revealed that he was living with Zeno Valiant but not where.

Ben & Katie leave & break into the offices of Valiant's record label at night. Chased by guard dogs they escape with the address.Going round to the flat they find Kyle in bed with the others. Ben and Katie are persuaded by Valiant to try the mushrooms and feel their consciousness' raised. The girls perform a naked dance. However Reece arrives with several armed gangsters who spray the flat with bullets. Valiant is killed, but as he dies his body disintegrates and transforms into thousands of butterflies which land on the gangsters. Their consciousnesses are changed and they put down their guns and start to play Valiant's instruments.

Later, Ben, Katie and Kyle all pledge to learn from this experience.

"ORCHIDS IN JUNE" Act 2 Scene 4

Ok, here is scene 4 of the second dramatic act:

ACT 2: Scene 4

Everybody is gathered in the lounge. Inspector Rigby & PC Ware have arrived to ask questions

Inspector Rigby: Right. We have so far acertained that the corpse in the greenhouse belongs to a Mr Jethro Tull, a farmer over at Dorton-Bassett. *addressing Shaun* I understand sir that there was bad feeling between you and the deceased.

Shaun: Not really. The chap was ok.

Inspector Rigby: Come now sir, we wouldn't want to be evasive would we. Or it might have to be arranged for this interview to be conducted at the station where accidents have been known to happen, if you catch my drift sir.

Rosemary: Don't you threaten my husband. We are taxpayers.

Shaun: Ok, I admit that me and the farmer had a disagreement over some computer software. However I didn't kill him.

Amy: He like dumped a load of mingin cow**** on our path. I was like so upset when I fell in it.

Inspector Rigby: I thought something smelled like a sewer in here. I suggest you have another bath young madam.

Alistair: All of this talk of sewers and murder is too much. I may lie down here and die.

Rosemary: Don't worry darling, there is a ballet on at the weekend in London featuring three pieces in the style of Diagalev. I've booked us two seats.

Alistair: Oh thats marvellous. Can we fly to Greece next week to explore the Acropolis? I feel culturally bereft.

Shaun: Not on my money you can't. Earn your own.

Rosemary: Oh and I suppose you'll be spending it on your tart rather than on your family.

Estelle: Darlings, its very council to air your dirty washing in public. Let us consider the orchids.

Rosemary: Yes, when will that body be removed Inspector so I can examine them?

Inspector Rigby: When I say so madam and not before. When I have acertained who the killer is.

Shaun: I know who it is. There is a feral family that have just moved in down the street. The kids lurk about in hoodies and are obvious criminals. *points out the window* Look theres one of them now.

PC Ware runs out and comes back in dragging a hoodie youth by the collar

PC Ware: Here is the suspect sir.

Hoodie: I ain't done owt. Lemmie go or I'll slash yer up.

Inspector Rigby: Despite this youth's obvious criminality, I don't think he is our killer Ware. Check his pockets for drugs and bung him in the car.

Rosemary: If he didnt kill Tull then who did?

Inspector Rigby: Jethro Tull was battered to death with a piece of lead piping. Plumbers use piping. *Turns and points to Bob Ware* YOU are the killer!

Bob: Look mate, I'm innocent.

Estelle: Eeeeeeeeeek.......... be continued.

"ORCHIDS IN JUNE" Act 2 Scene 3

OK folks, here is the next part of this cutting edge play:

ACT Two: Scene Three

Rushing out into the garden, Rosemary, Bob, Estelle and Alistair are shocked to see that Amy has tripped up and fallen headfirst into the pile of cow manure

Amy: *hysterical* Help .... this is like mingin.... ****in help me , **** mingin like

Rosemary: Oh my poor darling. Mr Ware please help my daughter. It won't matter if any of that manure gets on you as you already smell.

Bob:*helps Amy up* There you are luv.

Alistair: The smell is overpowering. I may faint.

Amy: *sob* I'm like so not going out tonight now.

Rosemary: Its high time this stuff was cleared away. Some of it has cascaded onto my marigolds.

Alistair: At least the orchids are safe mother.

Rosemary: Yes, I must have a look in the greenhouse to make sure that all the negative vibrations out here haven't caused them to droop. They feel you know.

Alistair: I feel the need for a cultural trip to Florence after all this vulgarity. I need to see a Botticelli.

Rosemary goes to the greenhouse and peers in. She lets out a shriek.

Rosemary: SSHRIIIIEEEEKKK! There's a b..b..body in there. My poor orchids.

Estelle: Oh darling how awful for them. Fetch the Doctor Bob!

Bob enters manfully and comes out with Doctor Smythe

Doctor Smythe: *peering into the greenhouse* That is indeed a body. I will inspect said deceased patient. Stand back madam.

He opens the door and enters the greenhouse. Rosemary peers in the door.

Alistair: Who was the cadavour whence once it breathed?

Rosemary: Its the farmer! He's been battered.

Bob: Are there any chips to go with 'im?

Rosemary: This is no time for levity Mr Ware. What will the neighbours think?

Dr Smythe: I suggest you call the police immediately. There is clearly a serial killer on the loose...........

........... to be continued

Saturday, 3 October 2009

"Orchids in June" Act 2 Scene 2

OK folks, here is the next scene of this major work:

ACT 2: Scene 2

Back at the house, Rosemary is having a mini breakdown

Rosemary: *dabs eye with hanky* I simply don't know how we can get through this. What must Alistair be going through? I don't feel in control of my life anymore. I need a valium.

Shaun: He'll be ok.

Rosemary: But how the hell do you know that Shaun. And what about the state of our marriage? We never talk anymore. I feel like its all falling apart, like we are just a bad habit.

Shaun: Look love, its probably just time of the month. Have a G&T and a sleep.

Rosemary: *shouting* While you go off to see your floozy?

Shaun: *aside to audience* A change of tack needed. *To Rosemary* Look love, I see the pressure is getting to you. I'll phone the Doctor.

Shaun exits stage left, while Bob & Estelle descend the stairs.

Bob: Er well, thats the toilet fixed. Well blocked it was. Whoever did that dump must've been constipated for a month.

Rosemary: *sniff* Well we did have a large meal yesterday. I made a beef chilli.

Bob: It smelt like it. I can still smell it on me hands. Did you know that at the time of his death Elvis Presley had fifteen pounds of compacted faeces in his bowels?

Estelle: Darling, I don't think Rosemary wants to hear about faeces. Can we be a trifle more refined. *squeezes Bob's behind*.

Suddenly there is a knock on the door.

Estelle: I'll open it darlings. She opens the door and in walks Alistair

Rosemary: *bursts into tears* My baby. *Hugs Alistair*

Alistair: It was horrible , absolutely ghastly. Horrible men acosting me and threatening to knock my teeth out.

Rosemary: Well I shall phone our solicitor. Its outrageous that the police should treat you like this. This is a respectable close not a sink estate.

There is another knock on the door. Estelle opens it and in walks the Doctor, a grey-haired man in his sixties. He carries a Doctors bag.

Doctor Smythe: Hello hello hello. Are you the patient?

Estelle: Not to my knowledge darling.

Rosemary: Er no its me. My husband called you, but there really is no need.

Doctor Smythe: Now let me be the judge of that madam. *pulls out stethoscope & listens to Rosemary's chest* Hmmm. There's something wrong with your heart. Also you look a bit yellow which suggests jaundice.

Alistair: Jaundice? This is awful. I might faint.

Estelle steadies him

Doctor Smythe: I'll give you some pills, these red ones are good. They're a general pick me up I found on the internet.

Suddenly there is a huge scream from outside in the garden...................

............... to be continued

"Orchids in June" Act 2 Scene 1

Ok here is the much anticipated first scene of Act 2 folks:

ACT 2 : Scene 1

At the police station, Alistair is being interviewed.

Inspector Rigby: Ok, why not just spare us some time and just confess. I'm keen to get home as the wife has promised me a romp tonight.

Alistair: Look I'm not interested in your domestic arrangements. I am innocent.

Inspector Rigby: Balls. Just admit it, you poisoned the fondant fancies.

Alistair: Oh no I didn't. And I want to phone mummy's lawyer. I have a right to appropriate legal representation.

Inspector Rigby:*leans forward and grabs Alistair's shirt collars* Look ducky, we don't give a monkey's toss about rights in this station. Now confess or your teeth might emigrate from your mouth to parts foreign.

Alistair: This is absolutely beastly. Mummy will be furious. We pay our taxes so that the police can protect us from the criminal elements and instead we get treated as criminals ourselves. I did not poison Steve Crabbs.

There is a knock on the door and in walks PC Wold

Inspector Rigby: What the buggery **** do you want?

PC Wold: Sorry to disturb you Guv, however the initial report has come back from the lab.

Inspector Rigby: That was bloody quick.

PC Wold: Yeah Guv, we got Doctor Smythe to come in and do a quickie autopsy in the storeroom.

Inspector Rigby: What that old quack? Still if it gets the job done. What did he find?

PC Wold: He recons that the poison was not in the cake. Crabbs had also recently consumed a can of Stella and a beefburger. The poison was in the burger. It was Raisenanian, a slow acting rat poison.

Inspector Rigby: So it looks like this little twonk is off the hook. Ho hum.

Alistair: I would like an apology. My treatment here has been outrageous. Frankly I'm shocked that the police can behave so unprofessionally.

Inspector Rigby: Stop whining and bugger off. I'm off home for me oats. We'll resume the investigation tomorrow.......

..... to be continued

"Orchids in June" Act 1 Scene 8

OK, here is the next part of this discerning play folks:

ACT 1 Scene 8

Everyone has moved back into the house where Alistair pours his mother a gin and tonic

Alistair: Drink this mummy, it will calm your nerves.

Rosemary: Thankyou darling, you are so thoughtful.

Jethro: What about moi computer?

Shaun: *to Inspector Rigby* When are you going to arrest this farmer? He clearly has a grudge against me and my family and is no doubt behind the poisoning. He must have been hoping I'd be first to grab a cake or else my wife.

Jethro: Ere daarn't you be accusin' me o' no paaaarsoning. Thaaaaat's slaaaarnder . Oooaaahhh slaaaander it be.

Inspector Rigby: Actually I have already used my powers of deduction to detect who the murderer is.

There is a sharp intake of breath from the cast. Cuthbert drops his glass.

Shaun: Well? Who is it then.

Inspector Rigby: The murderer is clearly..... *swings round and looks at Alistair* YOU! You baked the cakes so only you had opportunity to poison them.

Alistair: This is utterly preposterous. I put nothing untoward into my fondant fancies.

Rosemary: This is all too much *faints*

Estelle: Help her someone. This is most beastly.

Inspector Rigby: Wold arrest that boy! We will question him down at the station.

PC Wold grabs Alistair by his shirt collar and drags him offstage. Inspector Rigby exits with them.

Rosemary:*reviving* My poor baby *sob* what will happen to him? What will they say at the church institute?

Shaun: Oh well. Lets go to bed and deal with it tomorrow.

Rosemary: How can you say that when they're throwing your son in the cells?

Shaun: Look love, theres nothing we can do. Pull yourself together and have another G & T.

The doorbell rings. Rosemary opens it and in walks Bob Ware the plumber

Bob: Hullo. I've come to look at your blocked toilet.

Rosemary: Oh? But we didn't call you.

Shaun: I did love, before I came down earlier. I had a massive dump in the bog, a real ringstinger. When I flushed it it blocked. It overspilled.

Bob I'll 'ave a butchers at it.

Estelle moves up to him and strokes his face

Estelle: How about having a look at my plumbing first.

Bob: *grins* Yer on! Any holes a goal.They run upstairs.

Jethro: Roight I'm orfff. Oil be back tomaaarow with more a moi cow muck for eee alll unless oi gets moi computer looked at *exits stage left*

Rosemary: *dabs eyes* This is all too much. I feel like a cracked eggshell. ....

..... to be continued.

Tonight's 'Merlin'

Once again, the BBC serve up another episode of this rubbish. Some points:

1) Why do the opening titles continue to refer to Merlin as a 'young boy' when he is clearly played by someone in his early 20s?

2) Why do the female characters wear 20th century undergarments?

3) Why does Arthur wear a modern suede jacket?

4) Why has a modern plate glass window just blown out of a castle wall?

It gets worse.

Absinthe recommendation: Absinthe Supreme

This is a very fine slovenian absinthe with a high thujone content. It is very enjoyable to drink and produces positive effects.

A Season of Sequels

A good idea for a future season of Nuwho would be to have an entire season - 13 eps- where every story is a sequel to a classic series one. 'The Web Planet' , 'The Celestian Toymaker' & 'Invasion of the Dinosaurs' all spring tomind as being ripe for sequels. This will encourage the viewers to check out classic series DVDs.

Friday, 2 October 2009

Elizabeth Sladen: wrong about 'K9 & Company'

In the new DWM special on Sarah Jane Smith, Elizabeth Sladen criticises the script of 'K9 & Company' while praising 'The Sarah Jane Adventures'. Which only goes to show that actors are often a poor judge of their own work and of the quality of scripts. 'K9 & Company' had all the right elements; rural mystery, hints of the supernatural and eccentric English characters. Wheras much of SJA is just cultural bubblegum.

Feral yobs, bullying and weak authority

The recent spate of cases involving bullying hoodie yobs and indifferent councils is indicative of the extent to which liberalism fails to protect the vulnerable in UK society. The hands of the police are tied as if they try to intervene 'Linda the Social Worker' bleats about the little darlings' rights while 'David the beardy council leader' complains that the victims are exaggerating and should ignore the abuse.
The worst case I've heard about this week is that of the school dinner lady who was sacked for revealing to some parents that their child was being bullied at school. While she clearly had a duty to follow school procedures, the fact is that bullying in secondary schools should be publicised not swept under the carpet.
Where authority is weak, the bullies rule. Sadly in Britain today too many in authority take the view that the victims are the problem & can't be bothered to do their jobs.

The decision not to award the 2016 olympics to Chicago

This is the wrong decision and clearly motivated by a snobbish anti-americanism. Chicago has the facilities and the location to be perfect for such an event. President Obama & his wife mounted an excellent campaign. Rio on the other hand is ill suited.

Thursday, 1 October 2009

The real Henry VIII

The real Henry VIII. Nothing like Jonathan Rhys Meyers!

"The Tudors" tv series

Further to my point about 'Merlin', I would like to emphasise that this is only one example of BBC dumbing down of historical drama. 'The Tudors' is another. Henry VIII did not look like Jonathan Rhys Meyers into middle age. He was obese by the 1530s and did not spend all day in bed with beautiful women. The programme makes no attempt to show historically accurate events.

Sunday, 27 September 2009

Picture of the week: Hinckley Council Offices

A fine example of modern architecture and innovative design.

A proposal for a Moffat era post-series 5 Doctor Who Movie

Given that Stephen Moffat is likely to adopt a darker edge in his production values, I'd envisage an 11th Doctor movie to do the same.


The Doctor & Amy Pond land in Brighton in summer 2011 hoping for a weeks break. However the streets are deserted and no electronic equipment is working. Everyone has vanished.
While searching a deserted bar they stumble across an unconscious Ben Chatham. Reviving, Ben explains to them over a drink that the people vanished two months ago, apart from a squad of UNIT troops & himself who were in UNIT's Hove base inspecting some neolithic artifacts in the science lab. Since then giant rats have appeared in the towns and countryside & killed many troops. The Doctor speculates that the artefacts may contain a clue as to what has happened and they set off for the base in the TARDIS.
Inspecting the artefacts, the Doctor finds a dagger which emits a strange signal only he can hear. He recognises Time Lord technology.

Following a number of encounters with the rats, The Doctor & Ben discover that a utopian organisation called 'The Sons of Tomorrow' is behind the mystery. All people have been shrunk to the size of ants and placed in suspended animation, supposedly to allow the earth to return to its natural state. The plan is then to travel to a new larger planet. However the Doctor discovers that the group's leader is the Master who in actual face plans to place all of humanity in a spacecraft & detonate a bomb on it. Ben tricks the Master into boarding the craft himself and then the Doctor launches it prematurely before the miniturised humans have been loaded. The Master has no choice but to defuse the bomb and turn back for earth where he is placed under UNIT arrest after the Doctor has returned humanity to size.

DVD Recommendation: "The Keys of Marinus"

This underrated story is an absolute must for any Doctor Who fan. Each episode is a story in itself as the Doctor, Ian, Barbara & Susan flit about the planet searching for the keys. The Voord are an excellent mysterious enemy, although rather underused in the story. The support cast are excellent, especially the superb actor playing Athos. There could have been more extras on the DVD, but the story itself is worth the price.

The BBC series 'Merlin'

I watched this last night and it was even worse than I remember the last series being. What on earth are the BBC thinking? The castles and costumes are decidedly late medieval despite King Arthur supposedly being around in the early saxon era. The 'blind casting' I can understand however the general standard of the acting in it is terrible, although I suspect the Royal Shakespeare Company would struggle to impress given the banality of the scripts. The story arc doesn't seem to be going anywhere; there is no sign yet of Uther dying so that Arthur can pull the sword from the stone, no knights of the round table on the horizon; nothing. Rather than the Arthurian legends we just get huge dollops of Lord of the Rings style dragons & the like.
Only worth watching for the eye candy Arthur & Merlin and the amusement value of a Victor Meldrew wizard.

Sunday, 13 September 2009

Audiobook recommendation: Doctor Who: "Hornet's Nest"

I listened to the first CD in this 5 CD series last week, "Stuff of Nightmares" and its excellent. Not only does it feature the return of the 4th Doctor (Tom Baker) & Mike Yates, but also the plot evokes the best of the classic series. It has eccentric English characters and a creepy, original alien menace. An essential purchase. Steven Moffat should consider using this in the TV series.

"ORCHIDS IN JUNE": Act 1 Scene 7

ACT 1: Scene 7

The Inspector & PC Wold rush outside followed by everyone else (onstage the lights dim & the stagehands run on & change the set while a bit of music plays - Mozart)Outside Jethro has dumped a load of manure outside the lane's house with his tractor & trailer (the stagehands empty a couple of wheelbarrows onto the stage)

Rosemary: Oh sugar! How awful. Our patio is covered with filth.

Jethro: Thaaat'l teach your 'usband to diddle me.

Shaun: Remove that **** at once.

Jethro: What about moi computer? Oi waaaant it fixed roight or thaaat stays where oive daaarmped it.

Rosemary: Inspector, please arrest this farmer for vandalism.

Inspector Rigby: I'm afraid this is a civil matter. What concerns me is the murder.

Alistair: This is typical of the police today. Respectable people are at the mercy of criminal activity and the police do nothing. What is to stop all decent people having mounds of cow dung dumped on their doorsteps?

Rosemary moves to the front of the stage and addresses the audience poigniantly. A single tear appears in her eye

Rosemary: Oh that this too too solid flesh would melt,
thaw and resolve itself into a dew.
To be or not to be a respectable middle-class person,
that is the question.
Whether it is nobler in the mind to put up with the rising tide of crime in Brown's Britain,
or to slash your wrists up and die,
entering that undiscovered country,
where unto the breach we go.
Out, out brief candles,
and yet, what light from yonder window does break?
It is the light of hope,
that the police will arrest all hoodies, druggies and oddball farmers,
and chuck them in prison.

Estelle: Well said darling!

Alistair: That was beautiful mother.

Jethro: What about moi computer?

........... to be continued

"ORCHIDS IN JUNE" Act 1 Scene 6

OK, here is scene 6:

ACT 1: Scene 6

PC Wold gathers everyone into the lounge

PC Wold: The Inspector is on his way. This is a serious matter. I have acertained that the last thing the deceased did was to eat a fondant fancy.

Amy: *sobbing* This is like so unfair.

Alistair: I baked those fondant fancies myself earlier. I vouch for them.

Shaun *to PC Wold* Are you seriously implying that one of us fiddled with my son's fondant fancies?

PC Wold: Yes. I suspect poison.

Amy: *sobbing* This is like so.... *sob* like....

Rosemary: What will the neighbours think? This is a respectable area.

There is a knock on the door and it opens. Estelle elegantly glides in.

Estelle: Evening darlings *notices atmosphere* Why what has happened? You all look so displaced.

Rosemary: A drug-addled yobbo has been poisoned by one of Alistair's cakes.

Estelle: Oh darling how utterly awful for you.

Offstage the sound of a car drawing up is heard. Inspector Rigby enters

Inspector Rigby: Hello hello. Whats been going on here. Nobody move. I'll inspect the body.

He goes offstage into the other room. Then he comes back.

Inspector Rigby: He's definitely dead. Nobody move.

Cuthbert: Can I please go to the boys' room lovvie. I'm simply bursting.

Inspector Rigby: Stay where you are until you have been searched.

Cuthbert: You can search me anytime you want luvvie *winks*.

Inspector Rigby: *to PC Wold* Constable, give that man a good feel all over in case he has a concealed phial of deadly poison.

Rosemary: You can't seriously suspect any of us. We are respectable people.

Inspector Rigby: I suspect all including you.

Alistair: *flicks floppy hair back defiantly* Now look here. I'm going to have my say. This thug has clearly died as a result of drug abuse. How dare you imply that mother could be a suspect. You are just a minor public servant.

Cuthbert: Well said Alistair dear.

Inspector Rigby: Until I have got to the bottom of this you are all suspects.

Suddenly there is a loud thud outside


Followed by a rumbling sound


.............. to be continued

Saturday, 12 September 2009

Gordon Brown's apology regarding the treatment of Alan Turing

Well said and long overdue. An excerpt:

"Thousands of people have come together to demand justice for Alan Turing and recognition of the appalling way he was treated. While Turing was dealt with under the law of the time and we can’t put the clock back, his treatment was of course utterly unfair and I am pleased to have the chance to say how deeply sorry I and we all are for what happened to him. Alan and the many thousands of other gay men who were convicted as he was convicted under homophobic laws were treated terribly. Over the years millions more lived in fear of conviction.I am proud that those days are gone and that in the last 12 years this government has done so much to make life fairer and more equal for our LGBT community.
This recognition of Alan’s status as one of Britain’s most famous victims of homophobia is another step towards equality and long overdue.But even more than that, Alan deserves recognition for his contribution to humankind. For those of us born after 1945, into a Europe which is united, democratic and at peace, it is hard to imagine that our continent was once the theatre of mankind’s darkest hour. It is difficult to believe that in living memory, people could become so consumed by hate - by anti-Semitism, by homophobia, by xenophobia and other murderous prejudices - that the gas chambers and crematoria became a piece of the European landscape as surely as the galleries and universities and concert halls which had marked out the European civilisation for hundreds of years. It is thanks to men and women who were totally committed to fighting fascism, people like Alan Turing, that the horrors of the Holocaust and of total war are part of Europe’s history and not Europe’s present.
So on behalf of the British government, and all those who live freely thanks to Alan’s work I am very proud to say: we’re sorry, you deserved so much better.

Gordon Brown"

Sunday, 6 September 2009

"ORCHIDS IN JUNE" Act 1 Scene 5

Anyway, here is the next scene in this major stage play:

ACT 1: Scene 5

Alistair ushers everyone back into the house and pours the drinks

Rosemary: *taking glass*Thankyou darling. I don't know what I'd do without you. If only your father were so understanding.

Steve: Ere I'm bleeding. I've cut me arm and me soddin arse.

Rosemary: Well that serves you jolly well right for your immoral behaviour earlier. You lack a sense of personal integrity.

Steve: Leave me alone you crabby old bitch.

Alistair: Don't you insult my mother.

Jethro: What about moi computer?

Rosemary: We are not interested in your darn computer. Take it up with Shaun.

As she says this, Shaun emerges from upstairs in his dressing gown, entering stage left.

Shaun: Whats all this noise? I'm trying to sleep.

Jethro: Oi waaaaant you to look at moi computer. That saaaaaaftware you saaaaald me has roight knackered it.

Shaun: Oh shut up you ridiculous yokel. *to Steve* What are you doing in my house?

PC Wold: I suggest we all calm down. Mr Lane, there has been an accident. However its all under control *downs glass of wine*.

Jethro: What about moi computer?

Steve: Shove it up your arse.

Jethro: Roight. If thaaaaats your last word then on your own 'ead be it. Don't say I didn't waaaarn eee. Red skoy in the marnin, shepherd's warnin'. *exits stage right*

Steve: My arse is sore.

Shaun: As said the curate to the Bishop.

Rosemary: Can we all please focus on sorting out our differences in an orderly way. I accept that Steven has done more harm to himself by his clumsy and immoral actions. I suggest we agree to part amicably.

Shaun: Stuff that. This yobbo can pay to replace my window. I go to work. He is a workshy layabout.

Amy: He's not. He's like just between jobs.

Alistair: Would anyone like a fondant fancy? *offers cake*

Steve grabs a cakeThere is a knock on the door and Rosemary opens it. In walks Cuthbert Leeman, the sixtysomething next door neighbour

Cuthbert: Sorry to intrude on you darlings but I just had to join you as I adore conversation. Mmmm fondant fancies, how delicious *takes a cake and gives Alistair's bottom a feel*.

Suddenly Steve keels over and makes a choking sound

Steve: *choke* the.... cake......can't ..... throat burning......

He goes silent. PC Wold inspects him

PC Wold: What have we here then? He's dead.

Amy: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!

PC Wold: Nobody move! I suspect foul play.......

...... to be continued.

"ORCHIDS IN JUNE" Act 1 Scene 4

ACT 1: Scene 4

Rosemary and Alistair rush outside. They see that Steve has tripped up and fallen through the side of the greenhouse. Amy is pulling him up

Amy: Relax and let me pull you

Steve: Pull harder babe

Rosemary: You thug! You've knocked over two orchid pots and squashed my husband's tomatoes

Alistair: This is outrageous. We are decent people. I'm phoning the police *fiddles with his mobile*

A middle-aged man opens the gate and walks up the path

Jethro: *to Rosemary*Do you be Mrs Lane?

Rosemary: *lighting a cigarette* I am. What do you want?

Jethro: Oi waaant to speak to your 'usband.

Rosemary: What on earth about at this hour? He's in bed.

Jethro: Oi waaant to speak to im about moi computer. Eeee sold me some saaaaftware to record moi faaaarm sales ahn. An its roight buggered it up. Oi was entering moi sheep an it crashed on I.

Rosemary: You mean to say you've come round here about a work matter? See him at his office. How did you get this address?

Jethro: Oi sees all an oi says nowt

A police car arrives. Offstage, flashing lights are shone onto the stage. A policewoman enters

PC Wold : Hello. I understand that there has been an incident here.

Rosemary: Yes. This yob has thrown a brick through our window and then proceeded to break the greenhouse while trying to molest my daughter.

Steve: Ere I haven't toutched her tonight ... yet. However I could really do a three in a bed sesh with 'er and you in that uniform.

PC Wold: Watch it or I'll nick you right now. *to Amy* Is your mother correct?

Amy: Dunno. Whatever.

Jethro: What about moi computer.

Alistair exits stage left and returns with a bottle of wine and five glasses.

Alistair: Let us partake in refreshment while we iron out these problems........

....... to be continued

"ORCHIDS IN JUNE" Act 1 Scene 3

ACT 1 : Scene 3

Rosemary & Alistair enter the downstairs lounge and see the broken window

Alistair: What a ghastly mess. Who could have done this to us.

Rosemary: What will the neighbours think?

There is a snigger from outside & Steve's face appears learing through the hole in the glass

Steve: Ere it looks like someone's bruck yer ****in winder ***** - ha ha ha

Rosemary: You've done this. We had every right to report you to the police for dealing drugs to my daughter.

Steve: I'm gonna slash yer up

Alistair: Go away and leave us alone *flicks floppy hair back defiantly*

Amy enters

Amy: Oh like hi Steve. Fancy a shag?

Steve: Yeah babe

Amy rushes out to him & Rosemary screams

Rosemary: SCREEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAMMMM. I don't know what is happening to my life. I can't understand it.

Alistair: Don't upset yourself.

Suddenly there is a loud crash outside

CRASH...... be continued


ACT 1: Scene 2

Rosemary and Shaun are in the bedroom.

Rosemary: I know you are seeing that Carrie who works in your office. There is no point in denying it. *she flings a photograph at him* There!

Shaun casts a cursory glance at the picture

Shaun: So? We were engaged in a software discussion. And who took that picture? Have you been following me?

Rosemary: I've hired a private detective. I want to discuss our marriage in a full and proper way Shaun.

Shaun: Look love. You have a nice home & two nice kids. I give you plenty of money so stop whinging. If you don't like it you know where the door is.

Rosemary: *crying* Why are you being like this Shaun?

Shaun:*aside to audience* Methinks the daft trout is in need of some buttering. *To Rosemary* Look love, you know I really appreciate you. *Breaks wind* Now for some kip.

Suddenly the door flings open. It is Alistair

Alistair: Its awful, absolutely ghastly. How can I go on. *begins to sob hysterically*

Rosemary: Ally, what has happened?

Alistair: The Ensemble I booked for the Mozart recital on Saturday have pulled out. I may dash my brains out.

Shaun: Its time you got yourself a proper bloody job instead of doing voluntary work at that arts centre.

Rosemary: Don't shout at him Shaun. He's upset *moving over and cradling Alistair's head in her arms* my baby.

Shaun: Pass me the sick bucket

Suddenly there is a bang downstairs. Amy rushes in

Amy: Someone's like lobbed a brick through the window.

Shaun: Oh? I thought it was the toaster exploding. It just shows that you can't always recognise sounds. Anyroad, you deal with it . *turns over & goes to sleep* be continued.

"ORCHIDS IN JUNE" A Play for the Theatre

"ORCHIDS IN JUNE" : A play for the theatre.

OK, taking a short break from Doctor Who/Ben Chatham fiction, I will post my play which is intended as a post-modern satire which blends elements of farce with straightforward drama.

Main characters:

Rosemary Lane: A mid- 30s suburban housewife
Estelle Hampson-Clark: Her friend , Oxbridge educated and the daughter of Viscount Reevesdale
Shaun Lane : Rosemary's husband, works for a computer software firm
Amy Lane: The Lanes' 17 year old daughter
Alistair Lane: Their 19 year old son
Bob Ware: the plumber & odd job man
Steve Crabbs: A drug-dealing hoodie with a grudge against the Lanes

Act 1 : Scene 1

In the Lanes' kitchen, Rosemary is chatting to Estelle and arranging orchids and roses in a vase.

Rosemary: Well what do you think? I do hope the colours of the roses don't clash with anything in this kitchen.

Estelle: Darling the whole arrangement is misconcieved. One simply should never mix orchids with other flowers and certainly not roses. It simply oozes vulgarity and the ignorant pretentions of new money. Orchids need subtelty and space. And that vase must go.

Rosemary: Oh but why? It was very espensive.

Estelle: It utterly reeks of John Lewis or some similar establishment. It lacks exclusivity and uniqueness. One feels it insults the orchids.

Rosemary: *tears welling up, dabs eyes with hanky* I never seem to get things right. No wonder Shaun is playing around with his secretary.

Estelle: Oh darling, we don't know this for certain yet. The private detective hasn't reported any findings yet has he?

Rosemary: Not yet.But I still know. I can tell when my husband is playing away. He eats more and doesn't fidget in bed.

The door bangs open and in walks Bob Ware the plumber

Bob: Hullo, I've come to look at your taps

Estelle: *gives his backside a squeeze* One simply adores a man with his shirtsleeves rolled up. Let me show you the upstairs bathroom....

They exit leaving Rosemary looking perplexed. In walks Amy:

Amy: I need money, like now

Rosemary: What for?

Amy: I need it now bitch. Just ****ing give us it

Rosemary: Ok darling *hands Amy £60 and Amy flounces out*.

Rosemary starts rearranging the orchids in a different vase.......

....... to be continued

Tuesday, 28 July 2009

"Caves of Oblivion" Part 6

OK folks, here is the final part of this major and memorable story.


“I suggest we keep calm. We need a considered strategy or otherwise the earth is indeed doomed”, Ben states.
“What kind of bloody strategy then? Huh? What?” Jim replies.
“Please calm down. It is already in hand. Kyle and K9 will accompany me into the caves where we will return the crystals. However before we leave, we will need dynamite and lots of it.”
“They have plenty of that in the quarry two miles from here” Jed comments.
“OK Jed, you will need to risk going out as well. Drive to the quarry and obtain some. If they object, show them my Operation Delta card”. Ben passes his card to Jed.
“Brave Jed” Katie whispers, squeezing his inner thigh.

Later, after Jed has returned with the dynamite, Ben, Kyle & K9 set out in Bessie for the caves. In the back of the car with K9 is a box with the crystals in. The wind howls all around the car and debris blows about in the swirling air.
“Ere this wind is getting stronger. I dunno whether we’ll make it, its enough to blow the car over” Kyle remarks. Ben studies himself in the car mirror:
“I’m more immediately concerned about the mess its making of my hair”. Ben passes his hand through his luscious blonde hair trying to keep it in shape. Arriving near the cave entrance, they disembark and Kyle struggles through the wind with the box and with a package containing the dynamite. K9 goes first into the cave. As they enter, dark , clawed shapes begin to materialise.
“It’s the dark ones taking material form. Blast them K9!” Ben shouts.
“Affirmative Master!” K9 replies, shooting at the shapes. They vanish and Kyle and Ben rush quickly through the dark passages. Eventually they reach the excavation site. Kyle throws down the crystals and starts to set up the dynamite,
“This should blast the whole roof down like. Enclose these things here under rock.”
“That’s the idea Kyle. How did you learn how to use explosives by the way?” Ben asks.
“Oh my mates did a bit of safebreakin’ once & showed me how” Kyle replies.
“For pity’s sake, I wished I hadn’t asked” Ben replies.

As they rush out of the caves, the dark shapes begin to form again and a shaking starts like an earthquake.
“Those things are trying to trap us in here Kyle. Run faster” Ben shouts.They rush out of the entrance & K9 blasts the roof of it causing a collapse.
“Now for the real explosion” Kyle shouts, grinning as he pushes the detonator. There is a massive explosion and the whole cave collapses, encasing its chambers in tons of rock. The wind stops howling and all is calm
Excellent work Kyle! The crystals will remain harmless as long as they stay there.”

Meanwhile, back at the centre, the two boys are standing in the lounge, their eyes glowing blue. One of them speaks:
“You have successfully returned the crystals to their safe abode. Soon we will return to them and sleep. The threat from our dark side is over. However, before we go, we offer you a gift.”He stretches out his arm and opens his hand. Inside is a cube.
“Within this cube is our message to humanity. It contains the esoteric wisdom of the Atlanteans. Give it to the one called the Doctor for he will know how to access it.”The boys then collapse and their eyes return to normal. They wake.
“Hey like where are we? We was like in the caves and now we are like here.”
“You were possessed by aliens you little crap. Your own fault for bloody well wandering off” Jim replies sternly. Jed and Katie make an excuse to go upstairs. Finding one of the dorms, they put a chair against the door and get down to it on one of the beds.

Later, Ben and his team are discussing the case in the Mermaid Wine Bar. Ben holds the cube in his hand.
“Well, I look forward to touching base with the Doctor again soon. I wonder what knowledge and insights are contained within this. Anyway, I propose a special toast to Kyle and K9 for their major role in saving the day here.”They all raise their glasses to Kyle and K9, the latter sat up on a chair . Katie and Jed hold hands under the table.

Later as they chat, a familiar song plays on the jukebox. It is Michael Jackson’s “Ben”.
“Hey Ben, they’re playing your song” Corinne states. Ben looks sad:
“Do you know that Michael once sang this song to me personally. The Doctor once took me & Rose to one of his concerts in the TARDIS and afterwards we met him. He told me I was a very special person and sang this for me.”
“That’s lovely Ben” Corinne replies, “It is so sad that the King of Pop is no longer with us. I suggest we have another toast; to Michael Jackson!”
The team raise their glasses once more and Corinne sings “You Are Not Alone”.………

………. THE END

Friday, 24 July 2009

"Caves of Oblivion" Part 5

OK folks, here is the next part of this story, inspired by the best eras of Doctor Who.


Ben stares at the possessed boy as the wind howls outside:
“Then tell us your knowledge now. What are the secrets of the Clanac Empire? And who are these ‘Dark Ones’?”The boy stares at Ben:
“Many centuries ago we visited your world. Our Empire was based on the provision of enlightenment and knowledge and we were eager to seek out new frontiers to expand to and develop. We were not a culture of conquest but a culture of mutual benefit. At the time we the Clanac elders had just entered the stage of deliverance.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Katie feistily asks:
“We had found a way to transcend death & exist as pure mental energy. Our scientists had discovered the crystal caves and unlocked the inner energy of the crystals. The crystals enabled us to abandon our dying bodies . They also brought us the ultimate in self-development ; it seemed that all our negative qualities that our culture had suppressed but never destroyed, such as hate and anger, just disappeared from our thoughts. All that remained was…. Was love.”
“Far out man!” Jake comments. The Clanac continues:
“We came here to give your primitive culture a helping hand. We brought knowledge and wisdom to one of your early civilisations; you know it as Atlantis. Our hope was that the Atlanteans would spread this wisdom all over the earth and that in time this planet would join our Empire. We even brought some of the crystals here and hid them in various locations around the globe such as this cave; our gift to you.”

Jake lights a spliff and plays ‘Atlantis’ by Donovan on his guitar. Ben is irritated:
“Jake, please refrain from that. *to the Clanac* None of this explains why your Empire collapsed or why you have taken over those boys. Please explain these matters.”
“Forgive us. We occupy these bodies as a mode of communication. The earth boys are quite unharmed. We need to warn you of the dangers of the crystals. As long as they remain buried they are safe. Away from fresh air & sunlight . However your people found these crystals and several were removed from the your archaeologists.”
“So what? We needed to analyse them properly” Jed comments.
“What we Clanac didn’t realise was that all that negative energy inside us had to go somewhere. It was taken within the crystal itself, amplified and then eventually thrown out in the form of destructive energy and the Dark Ones. They are our inner hatreds made massive. Our Empire collapsed because of violent destructive weather, explosions and …. And the monsters that the negative energy gave force to. Whole planets were ripped apart.”
“And now this destruction is starting here” Ben says in horror as the wind outside gets stronger and uproots another tree.

Meanwhile, in the village, an elderly couple are driving down the road as the wind gets stronger.
“This wind is getting worse Percy” the woman says. Suddenly they see a fallen tree in front of them and Percy stops the car.
“We’ll have to walk the rest of the way Mabel. Then phone the bobbies about this tree”. Another telephone pole blows down.
“This is like in the war Percy. We was happy then. I remember when the jerries dropped that bomb on the gasworks and they brought all them bodies out. Some had no ’eads left on. And all we ad to eat was a tin of sardines a month but we was happy”.
“They were good old days Mabel, none of them hoodies about.”As they get out of the car, a sense of deep fear grips them as a dark shadow approaches. The shadow envelopes them and rips them to shreds. Then it advances towards the pub………”

Back at the Centre, things are tense.
“So what the bloody hell do we do then. Just sit here & wait to bloody die?” Jim Harries exclaims. Ben takes charge:
“I suggest we keep calm. We need a considered strategy or otherwise the earth is indeed doomed”………..

………….. To be continued.

Sunday, 19 July 2009

"Caves of Oblivion" part 4

Anyway, here is the next part of this gripping archaeological themed story folks.


Ben leaps forward and grabs the boy by the arm:
“What have you done to this boy? Why are you inside his body?”The possessed boy’s eyes glow a bright shining blue:
“Have no fear. I Asiron and he Alteron have not harmed the earth waifs. They will be returned to you. We are here from the great sleep to bring you knowledge, but also a great warning. The dark ones approach………”Suddenly there is a rumble and a crash.
“Great scott, it’s a rockfall” Jed shouts.
“Run for it team!” Ben shouts, ushering the boys out of the way of a large rock.
Katie and Corinne scramble after Jed & Jim who lead the way:
“It was outrageous that you ever allowed caving trips in here at all” Corinne states.
“Look love, we’ve found the kids okay so just shut it” Jim shouts back.

Back at the centre, the scramble out of the caves has been too much for the boys, who collapse unconscious. They are put to bed while Ben holds a team meeting in the lounge. Paul Farraday suggests a course of action:
“Clearly we cannot tell their families that they’ve been found yet as they are under the alien presence. At the moment they seem fine in the physical sense, bar the blue-glowing eyes and unconsciousness”.Jim is annoyed:
“Well what about the bloody whingeing parents on my back?”
“Look Harries, there are more important things going on here than your damn legal situation” Ben replies. Jake strums his guitar several times and looks up:
“Like earlier in the lab when Paul was inspecting the crystals and had visions. Man I felt something too. I sensed two sets of vibes, one benign and one deadly. The crystals man they’re groovy, they’re ok. But theres something out there…. In space.. Bad energy.”Paul agrees:
“I sensed the same thing. I believe that those crystals are containers of some kind which house the knowledge and images of an entire civilisation.”
“The Clanac Empire….” Ben adds:
“ The Clanac must have visited earth many centuries ago. But why? Essentially we can’t do anything until they can communicate again through the lads. I suggest a chill break.”

During the break, Ben enjoys a drink with Paul & Corinne, while Katie and Jed get close on the sofa watching a repeat episode of Inspector Morse on the lounge tv:
“So how long have you been working with Ben?” Jed asks.
“On and off for several years now, both on archaeological projects and on … well the extraterrestrial matters. How about you? Do you have a girlfriend?”
“Not at the moment.” He winks at Katie and slides a hand inside her blouse.
“In that case you’re on. We’ll watch the rest of this & then go upstairs” Katie replies, groping his buttocks.
Suddenly there is a strange howling sound from outside. Looking out the window they see a huge wind has started up. A tree is blown over and crashes onto the centre roof cracking a window. The tv goes off and there are a series of huge bangs as telephone poles blow down.One of the boys appears at the door, blue eyes glowing:
“They are coming: the dark ones. We have a short time to impart our knowledge. Or great destruction will befall this place and the sea will swallow everything….. Just as before……”

……….. To be continued.

Friday, 3 July 2009

5 year MOTs for teachers!

The government now wants teachers to have to pass a 'five year MOT' and obtain a licence to go on teaching. What complete nonsense ; presumably it is designed to provide a neat soundbite to appeal to Mr Suburban who thinks teachers do no work and have half the year off on holiday.
The problem with it is simply that it will fail to root out bad teachers. Indeed it is not intended to as the 'MOT' will not be based on outcomes but on passing OFSTED style lesson observations designed to impose a certain style of (often not very effective) teaching and on willingness to embrace technological trends. The government has an ideological agenda to dumb down state education and to churn out gadflies able to zip around from one transient enthusiasm to another while being completely unable to sustain an elongated thought process or cope with lengthy concentration.
The simple way to root out bad teachers is to measure their students' examination results and add on values.

Monday, 29 June 2009


Here is part three of this eerie tale folks:


Ben has convened a team meeting in the lounge of the centre. Lisa brings in a tray with coffee, bourbons and fresh cream. Corinne is concerned about Ben who is very tired after his experience:
“Ben, I think we need to explore your experience and pool ideas as a group. Can you tell us exactly what you saw in your mind?” She sips her coffee in a businesslike manner and lights a cigarette. Ben holds his head in his hands:
“It was very strange…. Surreal. I saw the beings in white and although they said nothing, I had a sense of great power. I just knew that they were warning me of something. Corinne I just have this feeling that those I saw were of the Clanac.” Ben replies.
Paul Farraday leans forward:
“The Clanac?”
“The Clanac Empire was one of the largest benevolent alliance of planets to have existed in the known universe. Their huge expansion was due to the appeal of their incredible artistic culture and perfectly planned and efficient economy . They never used wars of conquest. Like all Empires, it eventually broke up, however it left behind a most fascinating archaeology . The Doctor recently took me to the Museum of the Crystal Caves where it is housed.”
Paul sips his coffee:
“I think our first priority should be to explore the cave where the boys vanished, dangerous or not.”
They decide that Ben, Katie and Corinne will explore the caves while Paul & Jake analyse the crystals.

Later, Ben and the others are preparing to enter the caves with Jim & Lisa giving a brief introductory talk about the cave system and its labyrinthine meandering passageways. Jim is rather short-fused as he’s just had an altercation with one of the missing boys’ father:
“ Now I’ve just had that bloody trouble maker threatening us with legal action. The last thing I need is any other bugger going missing so just follow me and do as I bloody say.”He leads the way into the cave, with Ben and the others following. As they stumble in the dim, dank cave, Ben chats to Corinne:
“Its good to see you again Corinne. I’ve had a hard time recently what with splitting up with Anselm and then there is the whole saga of Nathaniel that you don’t know about. I could do with getting it all off my chest.” Corinne smiles:
“Your chest is perfect as it is Ben. Seriously though, are you sure that you know what you want? I mean don’t take offence but your relationships with men always seem problematic.”
Katie is extremely irritated that Ben is having a conversation about such personal matters with Corinne. She fakes a stumble in the dark so that she plunges forward & jabs her torch into Corinne’s back.
“Ow…. Hey watch it” Corinne shouts.
“Oh I’m so sorry. I lost my footing” Katie replies.

Meanwhile, back in the centre, Jake & Paul have set up a makeshift lab. Jake pokes at a crystal:
“Hey this is like wow man. It has a structure of amazing density. I dig its strange sounds.”Paul uses a welding torch on one and the crystal suddenly glows and pulsates. It shoots out a brilliant white light which shoots into Paul’s head. He collapses onto the floor . Dazed he looks up to see the light continuing to emerge from the crystal, but this time it forms a strange mist. Strange alien figures appear in the mist before vanishing.

Meanwhile, in the caves, Jim calls on the group to listen up:
“Right, this turning here leads into the mine shafts. We should be alright as its low tide, but they are prone to the odd roof cave in.”As he speaks, Corinne gives a gasp. They turn around to see two figures emerging from the mine tunnel. It is the two boys, however they are bathed in a strange, eerie glow and their eyes shine a luminous blue. The taller one speaks:
“I am Asiron. I am your guide to the knowledge of the Clanac. There is danger. Great danger. The dark ones come………”

………… be continued.

Thursday, 25 June 2009

Michael Jackson has Died

Surprising breaking news. 50 is no age really, not these days.

Sunday, 21 June 2009

"Caves of Oblivion" part 2

Ok folks, here is the dramatic second part of this story:


Ben and Kyle are driving up to Derbyshire in Bessie, on loan to Ben from the Doctor, while Katie & Jake follow behind in Ben’s own vintage car. In the back seat of Bessie is K9, whom Ben & Jake had managed to fix using instructions left by the Doctor. Ben is listening to ‘Moonage Daydream’ by David Bowie as the wind blows through his luscious golden hair.
“Its just great to be driving along on a warm summer day like this. Wouldn’t you agree K9?” Ben asks.
“Affirmitive Master” K9 replies.
Kyle fiddles in his pocket for his phone and starts to text.
“Don’t do that Kyle. Not while we are in the car.”
“I ain’t driving, you are!” Kyle replies.
“Its distracting me . I now have the urge to text myself but cannot because I’m driving. It is like waving temptation in my face.”Kyle throws down the phone.

Later on they all arrive in Brangem at the outdoor pursuit centre, which has been doubling up as the base for the archaeological dig. Jed (played by Rupert Hill) is waiting outside to greet them along with an older man in his early forties and a woman in her late twenties. Ben jumps out of Bessie and embraces Jed:
“Hey its good to see you. Its been a long time.”
“Too long Ben. I’ve missed you. We really need to keep in better touch.” Jed replies.Ben introduces Kyle, Katie & Shakey Jake. Katie is struck by Jed’s boyish good looks and feels an instant attraction to him. Jed stares at her, mentally undressing her, however he feels it best not to appear too full on so moves the conversation on:
“Ben this is Jim Harries, head of the centre here and this is Lisa, one of the instructors..”
“Any news about the two kids like?” Kyle asks.
“Nah. The police ‘av given up”, Jim replies, “they’re gonners. Its bin a bloody nightmare. I’ve just ‘ad the parents of one of em on the phone whinging and the other lot are already up here & stayin at the pub. This is all we bloody well need.”
“Isn’t there still a chance they’re still trapped?” Ben asks.
“Nah they’ve ‘ad it lad. Don’t look like that, I’m from Yorkshire and I say what I bloody well mean. I’m as sorry as anyone about this but accidents happen. Now no doubt some bloody no win no fee legal do-gooder ‘all try an get a fortune out of us. This place’ll go.”
“The caves intersect with a whole network of unstable mine shafts. And when it rains they flood out. It poured last night” Lisa adds.
Ben turns to Jed:
“What about these crystals Jed? Can I see them?”
“In here”. Jed bekons them into the centre.

They follow him into a hall which is full of labels laid out with archaeological finds being washed and boxed. Jed opens a box and lifts out a blue crystal. Ben instantly feels a strange pulsating feeling throughout his whole body and the room seems to go hazy and pulsate. He hears a strange sound like a violin and his legs give way. Ben feels himself floating through a great darkness however something materialises before him. Strange luminous beings in white robes and with indeterminate facial features. He senses that they are warning him of some great danger, yet does not know why.

Ben wakes to see himself surrounded by the others. Kyle wipes Ben's forehead with a damp tissue.
“Wh…what happened.? No I remember…. That crystal. That IS a crystal from Alzaneran 4, I recognise that sound. They have never had that effect before though.”As he speaks, the door opens and in come Paul Farraday & Corinne Shaw of Operation Delta who have just arrived . “Are you okay Ben? What happened to you?” Paul asks.Meanwhile Katie stares at Corinne:
“Nice to meet you again Corinne. You’re looking good, its surprising how well an older woman can , how shall I put this, scrub up!”Corinne smiles sardonically and flicks her hair to one side:
“You’re looking good yourself. Well all things considered…..”
Ben intervenes:*getting up* I think we need a proper team meeting. I think there is something very very dangerous going on here. The earth may be in mortal danger”

.………… be continued.

Saturday, 20 June 2009

Rupert Hill & Michelle Collins in "Deceptions"

I saw this excellent play this afternoon and thought it was very clever & thought provoking. Michelle Collins (Cindy in Eastenders) played a psychiatrist & Rupert Hill (Jamie Baldwin in Corrie) played a patient who was playing a deceptive game with her. Both were excellent.

Sunday, 14 June 2009


Part 1

Ben Chatham is lying languidly across the sofa in his apartment eating strawberries and listening to Radiohead’s “Kid A”. He flicks his thick blonde hair out of his eyes and throws down the book on the archaeology of the Shetland Isles that he has been reading. As he does so, Kyle Scott walks in carrying a tray of cups, milk & coffee:
“Thanks Kyle. I’m bored out of my skull. I think my head will solidify at any moment.”Kyle grins:
“Oh cam on Ben. You were goin’ on yesterday about lovin’ all the peace & quiet with Craig & Isobel bein’ away stayin’ with your folks like.”
“Well yes, I’m hoping they’ll have Craig for the whole school holiday and give me some space. However look at me Kyle. My love life’s in ruins, I’m bored with everything and to cap it all there have been no new cases for Operation Delta for weeks. You know if it wasn‘t for you being here I really would be fed up. I do like having you around you know. ”
Ben dips another strawberry into the cream and elegantly eats it.
“Hows about we do sommat together today Ben? Theres a new bowling alley opened in town” Kyle remarks. Ben frowns:
“I am not going ten pin bowling Kyle. Such places are only one step up from dog racing and other chav sports.”

Ben gets up and goes to his computer, checking his email. Instantly Ben is spung out of his melancholy:
“Hey theres an email here from Jed! Jed Braithwaite, one of my university friends. He’s an archaeologist as well now.” Ben reads the message:

"Hi Ben,Hope you are well, long time no see. It would be great if all the old crowd from Cambridge could meet up again some time soon. We only seem to meet up at weddings and the unfortunate funeral.Anyway, the reason for this email is to pick your brains. I’m currently working on an excavation in some caves near Brangem in the Derbyshire peaks. Something very bizarre is going on. We have discovered several chambers within the cave complex which are decorated with strange paintings of what look like space craft yet can’t be as the chambers have been enclosed for centuries. There are also unusual metallic objects here and some strange crystals. The crystals are light blue in colour and radiate a luminous glow. Oddly they emit a very faint sound , as if a violin is being played in the house next door……….."

Ben stops reading and looks at Kyle:
“Well it looks like we have a case now Kyle. Come and read this!”Kyle comes over and starts to read the email. Ben points at the line about the crystals:
“Those crystals sound exactly the same as those on Alzaneran 4 surrounding the Museum of the Crystal Caves. How the hell could Alzaneran crystals be here on earth? That planet is in another galaxy and the Clanac Empire of which it was once part never expanded anywhere near this one. Unfortunately the Doctor is off on his travels so we’ll have to investigate this ourselves.”
Ben reads on:

"Our dig has been complicated by the disused mines that link onto the caves. The shafts are partly flooded and very unstable and dangerous. Two days ago two 16 year old lads helping on the dig vanished. They are both staying at an outdoor pursuit centre near here; their instructors agreed to let them work on our dig for educational purposes. Ben I fear that they have fallen into a flooded caven or something. There is going to be an almighty fuss over this and the whole project could be cancelled. Obviously I’m devastated about the two lads however if the authorities close down this project then we may never find out what else is down here.I know you & your organisation have connections.

NB: I’ve sent a link with a map of the area. I hope you can come soon.


Ben leaps up excitedly:
“Kyle there is no time to lose. We’ll pick up Jake & Katie and drive to Derbyshire immediately. I’ll text Corinne Shaw & Paul Farraday as they are in the midlands on another matter and it would be good to touch base with them. I fear that the disappearance of those boys may be no accident and that extraterrestrial forces are at work.”……

….. To be continued.

Saturday, 6 June 2009

Another plea to guard against ATOMISATION

I fear it may be happening already. DWF/OG posters whizzing off to 'pro-new series', 'anti-new series', 'spoiler', 'anti-OG', 'jazzy graphics', 'non-jazzy graphics' Doctor Who forums.
This has happened when another (non-Doctor Who) site I posted on closed and it was a disaster. The community disintegrated and what was left was umpteen specialist forums, often poorly moderated, intolerant of variety and either slow or dull. Hopefully we can get back to a situation with one strong and varied main site.

"He treats us as window dressing": Caroline Flint

She knows how to stick the stilleto in. I do have doubts about her accusation, after all Gordon Brown did promote Jacqui Smith to Home Secretary. However discrimination is notoriously hard to prove in any profession and bosses get away with it because they can. The only way to deal with it in all its forms is to track the career paths of individuals against others of comparable ability.

Wednesday, 3 June 2009

Alternatives to OG

I've created links below to Outpost Wrinkley, Doctor Who Online & Outpost Skaro. Hopefully the promised Gallifrey Base will appear soon.
I imagine that one will emerge as the main new Doctor Who fandom hub. And this blog is always here.....

The DWF/Outpost Gallifrey to close

This is truely devastating news. OG is easily the best discussion forum that I've ever found on the net and it will be greatly missed.

Sunday, 31 May 2009

So: Diversity beat Susan Boyle

I did watch this as there was nothing else on . I thought the winners were awful, a pointless 'urban dance act' *yuk* who I wouldn't pay 5p to see. Obviously Susan Boyle should have won; the idea of someone who looks like a bag lady having the voice of an angel is an obvious winner.

A Ben Chatham Summer Special: "THE CREEPING SAND"

OK, here is a one off, one episode story to preceed 'Caves of Oblivion".


It is a warm, sultry summer afternoon. Ben Chatham is sitting on the beach alone in his thoughts. It has been two days since he bid farewell to the Doctor after returning in the TARDIS from the 15th century alone. He slowly massages more sun tan oil into his smooth and shapely legs, letting the sunlight glisten on his perfectly formed limbs.As he closes his eyes and sinks into a whirlpool of melancholy he hears a group of people approaching. Looking up, he sees Katie, Kyle and Jake and gives a groan:
"What are you lot doing here? I said I wanted time on my own".
"Ere don't be like that Ben. We thought you could use some company" Kyle replies.
"Well you thought wrong", Ben replies, putting on his exclusive £800 sunglasses. Katie opens up a hamper and starts laying out some food: strawberries and cream, champagne and cucumber sandwiches. She looks at Ben:
"Still sulking about Nathaniel I see. Look he told you straight that he needed to stay behind in the 15th century to provide for his mother and younger siblings. Get over it."
"Oh shut up Katie" Ben replies, massaging more oil onto his arms. Jake meanwhile has rolled a cigarette on his guitar and stares out to sea:
"Its like the sea is kissing the earth mother. Far out man, far out."
"Oh dear God, you do talk some ****e" Katie exclaims.
"Hey its true. Just look at the water and loosen your mind. Let the shimmering of the light on the waves enter your uptight soul and set it free" Jake replies. Katie laughs scornfully:
"Get your hair cut" she shouts.Ben is irritated:
"Look, the last thing I need right now is you lot bickering around me. I've been let down and I need time to myself".

Kyle picks up a dish of strawberries and takes them to Ben:
"Oh cam on Ben, we're just worried about you thats all."Kyle is wearing beach shorts and Ben is struck by how attractive his friend looks He smiles for the first time in two days:
"You look far better without those awful clothes you normally wear."
Suddenly there is a scream from way down the beach. They look around and see a group of people disappearing underneith a wall of sand. It is as if the sand has taken on a life of its own and eaten them alive. Ben is concerned:
"What the hell? Some alien force or energy life-form is alive within the sand. We need to get out of here sharpish."They all leap up, knocking over the champagne and scramble up the beach, however Kyle gives a shout
"Ere guys, 'ang on. Look!"They look around to see...........

........... a film crew approaching as several stuntmen are dug out of the sand. One of them shouts out:
"Excuse me, would you mind moving. You're getting in the background. We're filming scenes for a new Sci-fi series: "Earthwatch". Ben is annoyed:
"Thats it. You lot can do what you want, but I'm off to the Mermaid".


The June 4th Elections

This provides an excellent opportunity to chip a large hole in the wall that the three main parties have built, keeping smaller parties out of the political process in the UK. What we really need is PR in General Elections in this country so that all votes count, not just some.
Its important to keep the BNP out and I think that this election could finish them if enough people vote UKIP or Green. If the BNP can't pick up seats in the current context then they never will and their party coffers must be running low after all the money they've spent on campaign leaflets and so on. Nazism has no place in Britain.

Karen Gillan cast as the new Doctor Who companion

A massive mistake this. Not only is she too young but she's a complete unknown ( I couldn't even find a decent picture of her on the net). They should have asked Catherine Tate to stay on for another season or brought Caroline Quentin in.

The new Bob Dylan album "Together Through Life"

Oh dear. I can't get into this thing at all. The lyrics are often dreadfully corny and the whole thing is an incredibly dull listen. The accordion which permeates all of the songs is about the only good thing about the geriatric blues music. 'Life is Hard' & 'My Wife's Hometown' are among the worst songs I've ever heard him do, which says a lot considering that this is the man who made such duff albums as 'Nashville Skyline', 'Saved' & 'Knocked out Loaded'.
I imagine he'll knock out a couple more albums like this before calling it a day.

"The British public are barbarians" says Jeremy Paxman

According to Newsnight presenter Paxman, the British are barbarians as they prefer to spend their time watching tv than appreciating art and visiting galleries. I half agree with him in the sense that much of modern tv is reality rubbish and its getting worse. However he completely ignores the fact that the blame for this lies in the liberal commercialisation of television since the mid-90s and also with the art establishment who have clearly failed to make art galleries interesting to a wide spectrum of people.
I've met people of Paxman's mindset & can guarantee that they don't really care about education or art but rather about using their often limited cultural knowledge to belittle others and attach to themselves a sense of status. Very lower middle class.

Sunday, 17 May 2009


OK folks its here: the final gripping part of this popular Doctor Who adventure :


Henry is about to press the red button when a door bursts open. Ben and his team rush in waving swords borrowed from the Hampton Court armoury display. Kyle lobs a stone at the King which hits him on the head, knocking him off the throne. The guards rush at them and a swordfight ensues with Ben and Kyle taking the lead:
"Its a good job I had fencing lessons as a youth" Ben exclaims, running through a rough looking guard while Kyle wrongfoots one and bashes him on the head with a flagon of ale:
"This is great innit". Meanwhile, Anselm hands his sword to the Doctor:
"I am not experienced with this mode of combat"
"No worries *grinning* I am" the Doctor replies, lunging at a guard. Henry revives and tries to grab the remote, however Martha sees this and stamps on his hand while Katie kicks him in the teeth:
"Get away from that you beardy old lech". Barry Tuck tries to help Henry:
"Hey love, thats my boss...... ahhhhhr", falling back as Katie punches him:
"And you can shut it you sexist slug". Jake borrows the lute-player's instrument and plays "Ripple" by the Grateful Dead while chewing a piece of flapjack.

Meanwhile the Doctor & Ben have found a large control panel by a far wall:
"Ha! if I push this button here and pull that lever there it should reverse the Time journey and send this lot back to their proper age" the Doctor exclaims. Henry hears this and shouts:
"No no, please. I am King Henry VIII, Supreme head of the church in England. I command you to stop." The Doctor smiles:
"And I'm the Doctor, supreme head of.... of... oh who cares". The Doctor pulls the lever & pushes the button and Henry and his men dissolve and vanish back to their own time.

Later, the Doctor & Martha are on the planet Solanta 3 speaking to Grand Professor Zantra , a tall, green reptillian dressed in formal robes:
"I am truely grateful that you have agreed to take on Tremath and Astellata and educate them to your highest standards" the Doctor states."We are pleased that you are familiar with our reputation as the leading planet of educational learning in the galaxy" the Professor replies.
"Oh yes. And your reputation for the firmest discipline" Martha adds.
"Oh yes. Here we have no interactive Krypton boards or group activities and other dumbed down approaches. Just good traditional methods *the Professor waves his cane and twiddles with the thumbscrews*. Tremath and Astellata gulp.

Meanwhile, Ben and his team are enjoying a drink in the Mermaid Wine Bar and discussing recent events. Ben is very withdrawn and stares at his glass of wine before gulping it down.
"Hey, are you okay Ben?" Kyle asks. Ben is irritated:
"Obviously I'm not ok Kyle. The Doctor acted so quickly I had no time to get him to stop and work out how to send the others back and not Nathaniel. I'm not sure that I can forgive him."
"The Doc did say that there was no other way, it was all or none like".
"Oh just shut it Kyle, you're not helping" *gulps another drink*. Tears fill Ben's eyes and he buries his head in his hands on the table.Meanwhile, Barry Tuck arrives with a tray of drinks, sporting a black eye.
"Here's your ****ing drinks. Get em down your necks. Anyway *pointing at eye* this **** reminds me of a gag, what do you say to a woman with two black eyes?"
"Like what man?" Jake replies:
"Nothing, you've already told her twice"Katie leaps up and lamps him in the good eye:
"Well now you've got two black eyes yourself Tuck" *pours drink over him as he falls to the floor*.


Friday, 15 May 2009


Anyway folks, here is the much anticipated next part of this major adventure:


Tremath points the gun at the Doctor's head but resists shooting it. He grins:
"No, I won't kill him. I have a better idea."He calls over two of the Tudor guardsmen and they escort the Doctor to the cell where Katie and Martha are being kept. The guards fling the Doctor in and the children stride in after. Tremath points his gun at Martha:
"Now, you will give us the key to your TARDIS and a list of similar planets to this to have fun with or I kill this female human." His sister giggles.Katie scowls:
"Look you rancid little tyke, I've a good mind to give you a clip round the ear."
"You call my brother names again and we'll kill you" Astellata moans.
"Shut it you cross-eyed little trog" Katie spits out.Astellata grabs the gun from Tremath:
"Right, I'm shooting that one now". However as she grabs it, Martha dives for it, while Katie gets hold of Tremath and pulls his arm behind his back.
"Stop them" Tremath shouts to the Tudor guards, however they stand completely motionless and let the children be overpowered. A familiar figure then appears in the doorway: Henry VIII together with the Duke of Norfolk.
"Thank you fine ladies. You've saved us the task of turning the tables on these urchins. We have mastered how to use the machine which will wipe out enough people to allow us to subjugate the rest and no longer need help. You will be held here until your beheadings."
"Look, why don't you just return to your own time? The Doctor will take you back" Martha exclaims. Henry grins and gives her buttocks a quick feel. Martha slaps him:
"Such spirit in a wench is most amusing. However I don't want to go back to the 16th century when I can be master of this one. Now I must return to a filly of a different kind." Henry licks his lips and thinks of Ben.

Meanwhile, Ben & Nathaniel have escaped from the coal house via a shute used to shovel the coal in from outside. Emerging into the light, they find themselves outside the main wall and see Kyle and the others arriving in the car. Ben strides towards them:
"There is no time to lose. We must plan our assault on the palace. Two alien children have brought Henry VIII back from the past and he plans to return himself to the throne".
"Far out man!" Jake comments, chewing on a piece of flapjack.Ben pulls Nathaniel close and strokes his hair:
"This is Nathaniel." Anselm scowls angrily:
"So you've wasted time chasing guys instead of solving this Ben. One is disgusted."
"Don't speak to me like that. You cheated on me when we were in a relationship. You're a serial liar."
"That is completely unfair Ben. I told you everything, that it was a one off and a mistake. I promised I'd never see Simon again as I loved you. But you were so horrible to me. You drove me to Simon. I still want you". Ben scowls:
"Nathaniel is better in bed" Ben replies.

Back in the palace, King Henry is enjoying a banquet and has invited the Doctor & the girls to join him, hancuffed and guarded. Henry stuffs his face with chicken legs, pork crackling, beef, lard and a hunk of venison while a lute-player plays 'Greensleeves'. Lifting a goblet of wine, he grins:
"Now for the entertainment. I have found a new jester!"A door opens and in walks..............

............. Barry Tuck(played by Johnny Vegas) dressed as a court jester:
"Right you bunch of ****s, here we are again *noticing Katie* Hey its you again love. Hows about sitting on my face and wriggling?"Henry roars with laughter. Katie scowls at Tuck:
"Don't be like that love. Its like they say, one up the bum, no harm done."The Doctor protests loudly at Tuck's sexist humour however Henry roars with laughter so much that his face turns beetroot red:
"Tis good Master Tuck, tis good. However now for the hilight of the banquet. Bring me the royal remote."Tuck brings Henry a remote control device. He grins:
"All I have to do is press this red button and the planet waves will envelope the planet and wipe out a third of the population"...........

............ to be continued.

The MPs Expenses Scandal

What a load of fuss about very little. Obviously some of them have been out of order with this house flipping business for example however do we really want politics to become a rich person's vocation only? There are far worse things that go on, such as local councils taking backhanders to approve planning applications and policy being made to secure directorships of large corporations. Yet the media rarely report these.

DVD Recommendation: "Surveillance"

I'd thoroughly recommend this film. Its about a teacher who discovers that the heir to the throne is gay after sleeping with his ex-boyfriend who gets bumped off by MI5. Excellent stuff.

Wednesday, 6 May 2009

Book recommendation : "Sovereign" CJ Sansom

CJ Sansom's historical mystery novels set in Tudor England are superb and really bring the period to life. This one is set in 1541 where Matthew Shardlake, the hunchback lawyer, investigates the mysterious murder of a stained-glass window fitter in York and uncovers secrets that threaten Henry VIII's position as King. Brilliant stuff.

Bring back Beep the Meep!

Its high time that Beep returned to Doctor Who, this time in a New Series episode. The most underrated Doctor Who enemy ever.

Sunday, 3 May 2009


OK, here is the next part of this innovative historical/sci-fi hybrid story:


In Ben's cell, King Henry grins with delight as Ben puts on the clothes :
"God's teeth, you tempt me young Ben, you tempt me...."Henry runs his hand up Ben's leg, caressing his smoothe inner thigh. Suddenly the door bursts open and Nathaniel rushes in.
"How dare you interrupt me churl! There'd better be a good reason or your head will be off within the hour" Henry shouts.
"Sire, sire, we are under attack Our allies need to see you immediately in their ante-chamber" Nathaniel answers.
"Gods death! This will have to wait. *winks at Ben* I'll be back as soon as I can."Henry lumbers out and Nathaniel rushes over:
"Quick, we have to try and hide. I lied to the King, however I could not bear the thought of his debauched hands on you."Ben changes quickly into his real clothes:
"I will be enternally grateful that you saved me from a good rogering by Henry VIII."
He pulls a packet of Fox's Glacier Mints from his pocket and has one to calm his nerves. He offers one to Nathaniel:
"What is this strange tablet?"
"Fox's Glacier Mints are the finest sweets of our time Nathaniel".
Nathaniel puts the mint in his mouth and a strange calmness overwhelms him. The walls seem to be awash with a kaleidoscope of swirling colours
Truely this is a strange taste. However we must hide Ben."
They rush out and through the winding underground passages:
"Actually, there is real help on the way Nathaniel. I've texted my organisation Operation Delta" Ben states, as they hide in the coal room.

Meanwhile, Kyle is driving to Hampton Court in Ben's car, accompanied by Shakey Jake and Anselm.
"I still don't understand why we cannot simply contact the proper authorities. We require UNIT support on this. This is most undiscerning" Anselm states.
"Ben insisted we didn't do that like. 'e sounded real strange on the phone, 'e was sayin' 'enry VIII had 'im an the Doctor in cells an that if UNIT tried to storm the place they could be killed. Weird innit" Kyle replies.
"Hey man, this should be a real groovy trip. Like far out!" Jake states, lighting up in the car.
"Do you really have to smoke in here? I dislike it" Anselm complains.
"Hey chill man chill."
"One does not need to put up with this. However one wants to make it clear to Ben that I will not be pushed out of this organisation just because he cannot accept that I am with Simon now."
"Hey man, no one is pushing you out man. Have a drag of this *offers roll up to Anselm*"
"I don't want the filthy thing you scruffy hippie" Anselm shouts. Kyle intervenes:
"Ere look, will you two stop bickerin'. Ben may be in real danger and us fightin' won't help."

Back in the ante-chamber under Hampton Court, the Doctor is trying to reason with the children when Henry VIII rushes in:
"God's teeth, pray tell me about this attack we face. I'll get my army armoured up and we'll engage the traitors!"Tremath looks puzzled:
"We are not under attack. You have been misinformed human King".Henry is furious:
"Whaaaat? Twas that lying churl! I'll have his head for this!"The children laugh,
"Ha ha, you truely are an amusing human huffing and ranting. We find you endlessly entertaining" Tremath says.Henry is about to respond but he bites his tongue and storms out. As he leaves he spots one of his leading courtiers the Duke of Norfolk:
"I promise you Norfolk, as soon as we have control of the realm and no longer need the help of those mocking urchins, they are going to die the same way as my two unfortunate uncles did in the Tower of London."
Meanwhile the Doctor is trying again to plead with the children:
"Look I can help you . Your minds are traumatised, however I can use the TARDIS and its restorative energy."Tremath grins:
"We need no help from you grown up. Grown ups destroyed our world in their war. We want fun. We are superior and will use this stupid planet for games. Then others. You will help us find them."The Doctor frowns:
"I will not help you in any way. That is a cast iron promise."Astellata scowls:
"Kill him Tremath".Tremath pulls out a gun and points it at the Doctor.............

............ to be continued.

Sunday, 26 April 2009

Casting news

It has been decided to 'recast' the role of Kyle. He will now be played (in the virtual sense) by Luke Tittensor, formally in Emmerdale.
Also, in an upcoming story Kyle's half-brother will be introduced Shane Scott. Who do you think should play him? Take part in the poll.


OK folks, here is the next part of this classic Doctor Who adventure:


The Doctor is led by Henry and his guards though the winding passageways towards an ante-chamber:
"My allies await you in this room. I must now attend to other matters", Henry states before lumbering off, using his walking staff due to obesity and an ulcerated leg. The Doctor is ushered into the ante-chamber which is aglow with strange lights and equipment. The Doctor pokes about a bit at the equipment and then looks up worried:
"This is like Time Lord equipment. Show yourselves like".Suddenly there is the sound of giggling and two children emerge from behind a metallic control panel, one a boy of about ten and a girl of around eight.
"We areTime Lords. I am Tremath and this is my sister Astellata. You will serve us as you are a grown up."The Doctor is shocked:
"How the hell did you escape the Time War? This is impossible."
"It is not. Our parents were on the High Council. When they realised what was likely to happen they broke all of the rules to save us. We were placed in an orb and hidden in the void. The void ship was programmed to re-emerge into this universe."The Doctor is puzzled:
"But like why all this business with Henry VIII and earth. This like so makes no sense."
"We were lost in the void for so long. It was dark and cold. We want some fun. We are Time Lords and every other race are our playthings. We will alter time and kill things."
"Killing things is fun" the girl adds.The Doctor grimaces:
"The void has like driven you insane. I am so sorry that this has happened to you. Your parents were wrong to do what they did. Let me like help you."The crazed children giggle:
"He wants to help us. You will serve us. Our parents were on the High Council. You are our slave".

Meanwhile, Ben and Nathaniel are lying in each other's arms in Ben's cell bed.
"I want to lie with you forever. That was so good" Nathaniel says, kissing Ben's smooth cheek.
"You certainly have the magic touch. You can tell you haven't had any for sometime" Ben replies.Nathaniel is curious:
"So tell me more about this time. Do you have a lover? Does it matter if you are caught?"Ben stares at Nathaniel's dark eyes,
"Life is much more free than in your time. I am single at the moment. My last boyfriend never appreciated me, but that has happened before. Everytime I want commitment from a guy they let me down."Nathaniel holds Ben close:
"I won't let you down".Suddenly they hear footsteps and Nathaniel hurriedly gets up and pulls on his loose clothes. The door flies open and Henry VIII bursts in. He looks at Nathaniel:
"What are you doing in here, knave?"Nathaniel stammers:"Jjjjust... just questioning the prisoner sire.""Well go and do something else. NOW!"Nathaniel leaves and Henry walks over to Ben, smiling. He rubs his hand down Ben's smooth cheek and pulls the bedclothes down a little.
"There is something about you young Ben. Most pleasing and comely. I've brought you a present."Henry empties a bag onto the bed, containing a dress and some fine silk undergarments.
"Please put these on for me. You wish to please your King surely."He ruffles Ben's hair, drooling at the mouth.

In the ante-chamber, the Doctor is trying to reason with the Time Lord kids:
"Look, you are not yourselves. The void has harmed you, but I can help."Tremath scowls:
"You will serve us. After we finish with earth you will find us other planets to play with. You will give us your TARDIS."The Doctor frowns
I will not. Now like please listen to reason. I don't want to have to harm you. I cannot let you play with the earth like a toy."
"You have no choice."Tremath gestures and the guards grab the Doctor and hold him down while Tremath kicks him in the teeth. His sister giggles:
"We will put Henry VIII back on the throne. We plan to use this equiment to send waves of Theta energy over the planet, which will kill over 2/3 of the humans. In the confusion we will unleash Henry's army which is waiting to be transported over. It'll be so much fun to watch".......... be continued.


ok folks, here is the much anticipated next part of this better than the current tv specials adventure:


The Doctor is dragged towards the blood-soaked block as the executioner grins sadistically. However as the Doctor is about to be forced down, Ben strides forward and bows before the King:
"Sire, I must plead that you don't go through with this. The Doctor could be useful to you alive, we all could. He is a Time Lord, an alien not of this world. He has great knowledge that could be of value."Henry thinks for a second then gestures to the executioner to halt the proceedings:
"Tis true that my allies have spoken of one called the Doctor. A great alchemist no doubt. He may indeed be useful in my quest to regain control of our realm."

Henry orders the Doctor, Martha & Katie to be confined in a cell within the underground complex, while he holds back Ben for a consultation. Ben kneels before the King.
"Pray converse with me a while, young knave. What is your name?"
"It is Ben Chatham sire".
"Ah Ben. Tis a fine name. You're looks are most beguiling . Tis true that thy skin is as appealing as that of a pretty wench."Henry leans forward and strokes Ben's face.
"When I am King again in this time, I would that you serve me as my manservant."Ben decides to try and coax some information out of Henry:
"Please sire, I am curious. How do you come to be here in this time?"
"My allies rescued me at the point of death in 1547. They used their medical knowledge to restore me to health and to bring me to this time. They also ensured that this underground complex was constructed and made ready for my return. They told me that my dynasty would die out by 1603 as my children would themselves be childless. However by bringing me to this time they offered unto me the chance to reclaim my realm and continue my dynasty."Ben is curious:
"Who are these allies and what is in this for them?"Henry frowns:
"So many questions young Ben. Please, no more for now. *Stroking Ben's hair* I would that you wear a dress for me and some fine silk underwear *drooling at the mouth*".

Later Ben is led to a cell of his own by a young servant of Henry's.
"Here is your room Sir. The king asked that you be kept away from your friends" the servant says. He is a young man of around twenty with dark hair and slim features. Ben notices his melancholy eyes:
"You don't look too happy to be here I must say. Presumably you were given no choice. What's your name?"I am Nathaniel Welbourne and no I had no choice. My father was executed for being a papist and I thought it may harm my family more if I opposed the King's wishes to bring me here. Besides, I had nothing to stay for."Ben feels deeply attracted to the young man and puts his hand around his waist:
"I find that hard to believe, a goodlooking boy like yourself."Nathaniel pulls away:
"Sir, in my time love between men is punishable by execution."Ben smiles:
"Not in this time. You have much to discover here Nathaniel." Nathaniel looks worried:
"But I'm afraid for you sir. You have caught the King's eye. I fear he may want you for himself in this new time of yours. If he catches you holding me as you have just tried to do it may be the block for us both."Ben smiles:
"Then we'll just have to make sure he doesn't catch us" *he pulls Nathaniel towards him and they kiss*.

Meanwhile the Doctor, Martha & Katie contemplating recent events:
"What the hell does this all mean Doctor?" Martha asks.
"I like fear that some alien force are using Henry as a way of controlling this country after launching an invasion. Why Henry though? And how did they get control of time travel technology? None of this like makes sense."The Doctor is worried and his floppy hair falls into his face.Suddenly the door is flung open and Henry stands in the doorway glaring:
"The one who is called the Doctor will come with me!"
"Why not us as well you fat old perv?" Katie shouts.
"Tame that shrew! You Doctor will come hither. My allies wish to converse with you......"

................ to be continued.