Monday, 29 December 2008

Now Zavvi has gone into administration!

Awful. Looks like we'll end up with no record/dvd stores on the high street at all. Alright for daft kids into this uploading/downloading business for their silly X factor music but what about the rest of us? Looks like its buy online only now for the latest Dylan & Morrissey releases.

Thursday, 25 December 2008

MERRY CHRISTMAS to all blog readers!

Eat plenty of mince pies and enjoy the Xmas Doctor Who special!

Sunday, 21 December 2008


OK, here is the next part folks:


Katie wakes up in a hospital ward surrounded by other women. All are chained to the beds, including Katie, who screams aggressively and tugs at the chain. Two humanoid aliens with green skin appear and approach the bed:
“Please do not make noise or struggle. Such behaviour would be a futile gesture and we would have to sedate you again.”
“What the **** are you? And why am I chained to this ****ing bed ?” Katie shouts.
“Do be quiet. Your loudness may alarm the other females. You are here to help in our breeding programme. We are the Cheaons, a sterile race and our planet is stripped or resources. However our great scientist has found a way to breed a new generation through inseminating your women. Once we have produced the new generation then we will claim this planet. Our great scientist has a virus that will wipe out humans quickly and almost painlessly.”
Katie is given another injection and she passes out.

Meanwhile, the Brigadier has been brought into the regular part of the hospital. Having been kept in for observation, he waits for the nurse to depart before going on the prowl. He walks down the corridor and up some stairs. Winding around a corner he hears voices and observes some aliens in the distance. Alarmed, he pulls out the mobile that Ben had given him and texts him. Then he waits for the aliens to walk off and pokes his head around the doorway of the next room. He is surprised to see Katie Ryan chained to a bed in a room full of other women in a similar state. He fumbles around in the nurse’s draw and finds the keys to the padlocks. Releasing Katie he gives her a shake to wake her up:
“Miss Ryan. Please try to get up. It is imperative we leave now.”They stumble out into the corridor and after a while find their way out of a side door and outside the building, just as Ben turns up in his car:
“Get in quick.” Ben shouts urgently, then he speeds off. The Brigadier is impressed with the car:
“Ben, when this business has been sorted out, I’d like to make you a gift. it’s a delightful car called Bessie that once belonged to the Doctor. Splendid vehicle.”Ben is impressed:
“Hey thanks.”The Brigadier ruffles his hair.

Back at the centre, they sit planning their next course of action in the car.
“Clearly we cannot just go back in. They’ll be looking for us. I suggest we call for backup” Ben says.He calls UNIT and reaches for a bottle of absinthe and some glasses from the back seat. The Brigadier has a sleep while Ben and Katie have a drink:
“You know Katie, I really didn’t mean to offend you asking you for Christmas” Ben says. Katie however is irritated:
“You really need to sort your head out Ben. One minute your telling your parents that you’re gay and the next you’re making out that you’re not. What the hell is wrong with you?”Ben is upset:
“Katie, you could be a bit more sympathetic. My parents are important members of the church and dad’s on the Parish Council.”
“So what? Are you a man or a ****ing mouse?” Katie shouts.
“Katie, you are clearly overwrought by recent events. Try to calm yourself.”
Suddenly however a gun is pointed through the window at Ben’s head:
“Please get out of the car”It is Aston…………….

.………… be continued.

Book recommendation:

"Been Down So Long it Looks Like Up to Me" Richard Farina

Album recommendation: "Songs of Love & Hate" Leonard Cohen

Following the success of 'Hallelujah' at the moment, I'd recommend people check out the rest of Laughing Len's work. This is a good place to start - includes 'Diamonds in the Mine', 'Famous Blue Raincoat' & 'Joan of Arc'.

Friday, 19 December 2008


Here is the next part folks:


Ben peers round the doorway and sees the two humanoid creatures who had just been speaking. They are wearing silver uniforms and have green-tinged skin and slim faces. Hearing footsteps in the corridor behind him, Ben runs of quickly and finds a staircase up to the higher level. Finding his way back into the hospital proper he quickly finds Jake, who is being given a ticking off by a nurse for time wasting, and they make a swift exit.
“Hey man, they were really uncool about me not being a registered patient” Jake comments.
“It’s a private hospital, they hardly wish to have their time wasted by some hippy scruff with nothing wrong with him. Anyway, enough of this, the more pertinent issue is that there are aliens conducting some kind of experiments here. We need to get back and consider our next move.”

Back at the Centre, Ben is sitting in the lounge with Jake, Katie and the Brigadier enjoying a scotch and discussing the recent events.:
“It is clear from what Katie has said that this Aston is the great scientist that I overheard the aliens talking about. Possibly he is some form of shape shifter or an android” Ben outlines.The Brigadier knocks back his scotch and Ben pours him another glass:
“UNIT have had their suspicions for some time and felt that a bit of careful surveillance was needed. The question is what do we do now? I suggest that we need an insider to get into the hospital” the Brigadier says.Katie looks up:
“Why don’t you fake having a heart attack? You’re an old man.”
“Good thinking Miss Ryan. I happen to have overheard that this place has a deal with the chaps at that private hospital : they buy treatment there and add it onto our bills.”Later, the Brigadier has a nap and Ben turns towards Katie:
“Katie, I was meaning to ask you what your plans are for Christmas this year.”
“None at all. Why?” Katie replies.
“Well I was wondering if you you’d like to spend Christmas with me and my folks.”
“Er well yes Ben. But wouldn’t you rather be spending your time trying to sort things out with loverboy or have you seen sense at last?”Ben pours another drink:
“That can wait. My parents don’t approve of that kind of thing and I want them to know that I’m having a normal, healthy relationship with a girlfriend.”Katie is annoyed:
“You mean you ****ing want me there just to please them instead of being honest?”
“Calm down Katie. Its not as if you’ve anything else to do and my family think we look good together.”

The next morning the Brigadier’s plan is put into action. In the breakfast room he pretends to keel over, clutching his chest. Jake fakes alarm:
“Hey folks! The old guy’s like having a space out, must be his heart. This is really heavy.”Several staff members crowd round him and a few minutes later he is whisked off in an ambulance.Meanwhile, Katie decides to bite the bullet and brave a massage session with Aston. As his smooth hands caress her back and pert buttocks she asks him how long he has worked here:
“Oh for some time Miss Ryan. Now try to relax.”Suddenly she feels a hyperdermic plunge into her arm. She quickly loses consciousness……………..

………………. To be continued.


Ok, here is the next part of the Christmas special folks:


Ben and Shakey Jake trek through the glistening snow towards the spinney in the distance. Climbing over a stile, Jake surveys the scene around:
“Hey man, this is really gorgeous, just like on a Christmas card. Far out!”Ben is more concerned about the mysterious craft:
“I think we’d better speed up . Whatever that thing was that ascended, it was just the other side of those trees.”
“Maybe it’s a race of people who have sensed the crying of the ravaged earth and come to teach us how to save the planet” Jake muses, passing Ben a piece of flapjack.Eventually they reach the spinney and walk carefully through the dark, eerie trees, the silence interspersed with the hooting of owls. Emerging out of the trees, Ben sees that they are in the grounds of a large building. Walking up to the entrance, Ben reads the sign:
“St Osyth’s Hospital: Private”
“Interesting. Now why would an alien craft be landing in the grounds of a hospital.” Ben muses.

Back in the Water of Life Centre, Katie has returned to her room and locked herself in, shocked by the sight of Aston killing Marianne. She pours herself a vodka to calm her nerves then starts to text Ben when she hears a knock on the door. She stops completely still however the knock is repeated, this time accompanied by a voice:
“Miss Ryan. Please open the door , I need to speak to you urgently.”It is an elderly male voice. Katie opens the door slowly and sees an old man dressed in a tweed jacket.
“Please let me in Miss Ryan.”Katie is still stressed out from recent events:
“What the hell do you want? Are you some old pervert who stalks the rooms?”
“Miss Ryan please calm down. My name is Alistair Lethbridge Stewart and I am working here undercover for UNIT. Now please let me in.”Katie recognises the name and lets him in:
“Ok, I’ve heard Ben mention you. Calls you the Brigadier. You and he have a mutual friend in the Doctor.”
“Oh yes. Splendid chap, all of them. Now Miss Ryan, I presume you and Ben are here for the same reason I am?”Katie frowns:
“I doubt it. Ben is here on retreat. What the hell is going on ? I just saw that Dr Aston kill a journalist with some kind of light energy from his eyes.”The Brigadier is concerned:
“Miss Ryan, young women have been vanishing from this centre for months. And there have been reports of strange lights in the sky. Whatever Aston is, he certainly isn’t human…….”

Back in the hospital, Ben & Jake are sitting in the waiting room. Jake is pretending to have hurt his arm as a subterfuge to get to see a Doctor. Ben’s mobile bleeps and he sees that its another text from Anselm:
“Ben please call me. Need to explain. Please. A. xxx”
He flings the phone into his pocket in disgust.
“That’s him again. Well he can certainly forget the chance of me calling him on request *looking around the waiting room* Its good to see how clean and uncluttered this hospital is. A far better experience than waiting in an NHS waiting room, clogged up with yobs fresh from fights and foul-mouthed women screaming abuse at the nurses.”Jake is called in to see the Doctor and he feigns a pain in his arm. Meanwhile, Ben slips past the consultation room and goes on a scout round the hospital corridors. Walking around he sees little of interest until he enters a staircase and descends to another level. Here the corridors are dimly lit. Turning a corner he hears voices:
“How many more must we breed before the experiment is complete?”
“Only one more batch. The great scientist promises this. Then all will be ready for our race to be reborn… and to make this earth our home………………”

……………to be continued.

Wednesday, 10 December 2008

The Sad Demise of Woolworths

It seems that the closing down sale will start tomorrow which means that there may be little chance of a buyer being found. Its outrageous that Gordon Brown hasn't agreed to step in and bail them out. Woolworths are the people's store and an essential feature of the high street.

Sunday, 7 December 2008

The Ben Chatham Christmas Special: 'Dark Yuletide': Part 1

Ok folks, the idea of this story is to accompany the Doctor Who Christmas Special. My intention is to create a story that has more of the atmosphere of the classic series about it, although it will be a Ben Chatham spin-off story .


Ben Chatham has gone into retreat for the Christmas period to the 'Water of Life Holistic Healing Centre' located in the Norfolk countryside near the coast. Ben felt that a complete break from the world was needed after the emotional trauma of discovering that his lover Anselm had been unfaithful to him. Staying with him at the centre are Katie Ryan and Shakey Jake, the latter having put Ben in contact with the centre out of concern for his emotional health.
Ben and Jake are sitting in the lounge area sipping tea and staring at the snow falling out of the window.
“Gosh its bleak and cold out there” Ben observes.
“Hey man the snow’s really beautiful. Dig the scene and relax. You feelin’ better about things now?” Jake comments.
“No I’m not. Anselm seems to think that I’m being unreasonable. He keeps texting me but like hell am I going to reply. I’ve put all the effort into the relationship and now I feel completely betrayed.”
Ben’s dreamy eyes fill with tears and he takes another sip of tea.

Meanwhile, Katie is attending a lecture by the centre’s founder, Dr Gideon Aston on the healing benefits of free love. She had expected him to be an elderly gentleman and was pleasantly surprised to see that he is a young, dark-haired man of around thirty with smouldering good looks.
“Free love is honesty. It is nothing less than the therapy of freeing the heart from the confines of stifling marital constraints and the inner psychosis that results. Every day I meet women whose inner selves are dying through lack of true passion.”Katie stares at Dr Aston as he speaks, visualising herself in his arms.
After the lecture, the Doctor asks for two volunteers to attend the evening massage therapy session with the Doctor and Katie instantly raises her hand and is chosen , along with another girl named Jade. As they leave the lecture however, one of the other women pulls Katie to one side by the arm:
“Hey what the hell are you doing?” Katie demands.
“I’m sorry. Look my name is Marianne Chiles and I’m a private detective. Look I recognised your colleague Ben Chatham the moment you arrived. Are you here for the same reason I am?”
“What the **** are you babbling on about?” Katie demands.
“Clearly not. Look, this place is not safe. There is something inordinate going on here. Several women have vanished without trace after booking in here. I am currently being employed by a very wealthy client whose wife has vanished here. I think that whatever is going on here, Aston is involved with it.”
“Oh push off, you are clearly a nut” Katie exclaims and storms off.

In the lounge, Ben and Jake are relaxing as the sun sets on the snow-clad countryside outside the window. Ben is feeling mellow after trying some of Jake’s ‘special’ flapjack.
“Hey man, dig the vibes. The moonlight glistening on the snow is like far out.” Jake observes.
Ben stares out across the snow and notices a strange yellow glow from beyond some trees. He is shocked to see something lift off from beyond the trees and shoot off into the sky. He shoots up from his chair:
“Hey did you see that? There was some kind of alien craft out there” ,Ben exclaims, “come on, lets get out there!”
Ben drags a reluctant Jake out of his chair and they set off into the cold night.

Meanwhile, Katie has had a shower and decides to set off for the massage therapy early. She looks at herself in the mirror:
“Looking good girl. How about paying a visit to that dishy Doctor’s room to show extra willing” she says to herself with a smile. Setting off for the Doctor’s private room , she hears a commotion as she approaches. She recognises Marianne’s voice:
“…. let me go. You won’t get away with this…”Peering round the corner, she is shocked to see a piercing light emanating from Aston’s eyes into Marianne’s body , after which she falls to the ground, dead………………….

……………….. To be continued.

Monday, 24 November 2008

My Season 6 proposal: an example scene

Ok, here is a sample possible scene. I don't claim that its perfect, just a suggested way to approach it. I've tried to listen to constructive criticism of the previous writings.

This scene takes place during Episode 7 . The Battle of Tewkesbury has just ended and the leading Lancastrians have fled from the rout into Tewkesbury Abbey for sanctuary. The Doctor, disguised as a priest, is attempting to help them escape.
NB: Since we don't know the companion will be, I'm using Donna Noble.

Queen Margaret: Verily the Yorkists approach. But we will be safe in here. Even Edward of York would not dare slay us on consecrated ground.

Prince Edward of Lancaster: One is not so sure of that mother. Oh that this too too solid flesh would melt, thaw and resolve itself into a dew.

Donna *to the Doctor*: Are they really safe in here Doctor?The Doctor Of course not. Don't you know your history Donna? The Lancastrians start to get massacred in here. However the chroniclers record that a priest intervenes and stops the bloodshed. And I shall be that priest!

Suddenly there is a loud crash as the door is smashed in and the Yorkists rush through led by King Edward IV along with his brothers the Dukes of Clarence & Gloucester.

*a fanfare of trumpets*

King Edward: Now is the summer of our discontent! Raise thy swords and halberds high men. The enemy is ours!

Clarence: Lets waste 'em!

Gloucester: Kill!

The yorkists begin to massacre the Lancastrians , however the Doctor jumps in between them, holding up his silver cross.

The Doctor: In the name of God stop this now! You are defiling consecrated ground. I realiase that the concept of a war crime hasn't been invented yet, however this is the age of chivalry. And mass slaughter in a church is lowbrow and unworthy of knights.

King Edward: He's right men. STOP!

They stop the massacre. However as they leave the abbey church, Edward gestures to Gloucester:

King Edward: Richard, bring the boy outside with us!

Gloucester grabs Prince Edward of Lancaster round the neck & frogmarches him outside.

Donna: Doctor do something, they'll kill the boy.

The Doctor: Sadly they do. And we cannot change history.

Donna: But you can save him without changing things. Just do a deal whereby you promise to take him to the future in the TARDIS and everyone just pretends he's dead.

The Doctor: Good thinking Donna.

They run outside where King Edward is interrogating the Prince:

King Edward: Verily, why did you come here?

Prince Edward of Lancaster: Because you usurped my father you fatfaced ****.

The King slaps him round the face with his armour glove.

King Edward: Foul mouthed urchin.

Clarence & Gloucester draw their swords however the Doctor intervenes:

The Doctor: Look there has been enough bloodshed today. Let us resolve this peacefully and calmly. Violence begets violence. Surrender the Prince to me and I promise that he'll never threaten you again.

Gloucester: You must think we're thick as a knave.

Clarence: *punching the Doctor* Keep out of it.

Donna: screams as they run Prince Edward through with their swords.

Prince Edward of Lancaster: Out, out brief candle........... *dies*

Paterson Joseph is the 11th Doctor.... possibly

According to internet rumours that are getting more & more numerous. I saw him in 'Survivors' last night and he was not bad at all. However (and I also felt this about Christopher Eccleston) I fear he may not be eccentric enough to convince as the Doctor. Time will tell.

In Praise of Brussels Sprouts

As Christmas approaches the shops are stocking up with sprouts. Unfairly maligned by many people, the humble sprout deserves a reappraisal. Healthy and thoroughly delicious!

Wednesday, 19 November 2008

My idea for Doctor Who series 6

OK, presumably Moffat is already planning series 5 and will not want to radically alter the existing format yet. However once the audience is used to a new Doctor & production team, I think it is essential that he experiments with something new. Audiences get bored.
My idea would be for a whole season which is one story - Trial of a Time Lord style - but that this story be one long historical epic. I suggest the Wars of the Roses which is full of drama, romance and shifting allegiances.
I'd do it in 13 parts:

Episode 1: 1450-53. Reign of Henry VI. Loss of the 100 Years War. Quarrels with Richard Duke of York.

Episode 2: 1453-54: Henry goes insane. Richard's quarrels with Margaret of Anjou.

Episode 3: 1454-55: Wars begin: the Battle of St Albans. Death of Somerset.

Episode 4: 1455-59: Isolation of Richard of York. Role of the Nevilles & Warwick the Kingmaker. The Parliament of Devils.

Episode 5: 1459-61: Battle of Wakefield. Death of Richard. Edward iV's victory at Towton.

Episode 6: 1461-70: First reign of Edward IV; Woodville marriage & alienation of Warwick. Warwick's rebellion.

Episode 7: 1470-71: Battles of Barnet & Tewkesbury. Murder of Henry VI in the Tower.

Episode 8: 1471-83: Second reign of Edward IV: Clarence's treachery & execution.

Episode 9: 1483: Death of Edward IV: Role of Richard of Gloucester : usurpation of the Princes.

Episode 10: 1483: Episode devoted to the Doctor trying to save the Princes in the Tower.

Episode 11: 1483-84: Buckingham's rebellion against Richard III

Episode 12: 1484-85: Role of Henry Tudor - planned invasion preparations.

Episode 13: 1485: Battle of Bosworth 22 August 1485. Tudor victory.

Sunday, 16 November 2008

Album recommendation: Chet Baker: "White Blues"

Perfect for a relaxing Sunday evening listen. Cool jazz.

Saturday, 15 November 2008

Coming soon..... "NEW MORNING"

Ben Chatham will return soon in the next adventure: 'New Morning'.

"FACE OF DEATH": Part 9 : The conclusion!

Anyway folks: here it is! The final part of this action-packed film pitch:


Hogeson closes in on Ben, raising the knife.
“Now look Hogeson, you’re sick. You’ve been driven insane by looking into a dark star. Please put down the knife and let us help you. There is an offshore asylum where you can be confined.”
Ben’s attempts at reasoning fail and Hogeson lunges at Ben with the knife, missing by a few inches. He raises the knife again and is about to lunge again at Ben’s eye when Isobel and Craig arrive. Craig is terrified, however Isobel sneaks up behind Hogeson and lifts the lump of wood that he dropped. She whacks Hogeson round the head with the wood and he staggers in a dazed stupor. As he does so, Kyle is reviving and he leaps up and delivers Hogeson a right hook which splatters his nose and sends him over the bank edge and into the Cam. He plunges through the water and does not resurface. Kyle jumps in and tries to retrieve him before it is too late however he cannot see anything in the murky depths.

Later, Ben, Kyle, Katie, Craig & Isobel are enjoying a drink and discussing the case with Captain Jack Harkness in the Mermaid Wine Bar.
“….. And so we recovered Hogeson’s corpse and it will give us vital information as to the effects of the rift and the dark star. Well done Ben and to all of you in Operation Delta” Jack says, raising a glass and stroking Ben’s leg under the table.
“ Ere, do ya reckon there are others like who are out there affected the same way?” Kyle asks.Katie tuts:
“Oh as if we wouldn’t know if there were crazed serial killers rampaging through our towns. Try to utilise your brain before speaking!” she exclaims.Ben offers them all a fox’s glacier mint and sips his absinthe, letting the two flavours merge and permeate his mind with mellow contentment:
“I’d like to thank Isobel and Kyle in particular for their work in this case. Operation Delta will no doubt face greater challenges in our struggle to defend the earth and its good to know that I can rely on my team” Ben says.As he does so, Barry Tuck (played by Johnny Vegas) arrives to take the food order:
“Right, what grub do you ****ers want? Don’t bother with the quiche, it reeks like spew.” *canned audience laughter*
Ben is irritated:
“I understood from the manager that you no longer worked here Tuck!”
“Nah they took me back on pal. Shortstaffed. *notices Isobel* Hello love. Hows about you comin’ ome with me for a roll in the sack?”Isobel is alarmed and drops her silver coloured purse. She bends down to retrieve it:
“While yer down there love”
*canned audience laughter”.
Kyle gets up and approaches Tuck:
“Just take the orders like an stop offendin’ my mates or I’ll deck ya.”Ben is impressed:
“He’s good isn’t he” he whispers to Jack.
“Gorgeous ass. I’ll have to invite him for a training day at the hub” Jack replies winking.

After an evening in the bar they order a couple of taxis and return to Ben’s flat for a nightcap. Ben is rather worse for wear and has become maudlin as often happens after mixing his drinks:
“…. all I’ve ever wanted is a sstaple ….stable relationship with mutal loyalty.. And what I get?” he is saying in the taxi.
“Aw come on Ben, you’ve got Anselm now. This is just the drink talkin” Kyle tries to reassure him.After stopping the taxi several times to allow young Craig to be sick out the door they arrive back at Ben’s apartment. The other taxi with the girls arrives and they all go up. Ben instinctively fumbles for his key and unlocks the door, entering the apartment. As he does so he is shocked to see………..

………………. Anselm and Simon Sandringham locked in a passionate embrace kissing on the sofa……….…

……………THE END.


Anyway folks, here is the next part of this film pitch:


Ben, Kyle and Katie have set out to search the riverside, leaving Craig, Isobel and Anselm at the apartment with Simon Sandringham. It is quiet by the Cam, apart from odd throngs of students and bearded down & outs sipping meths on benches. Ben and Kyle are chatting:
“So, how is your mum doing with he rehab programme?” Ben asks.
“Its goin’ well like. She’s been clean for over six months.”
Ben stares at Kyle’s attractive features and feels a pang of sympathy for the tough life that he has had:
“You know you are far too pretty-faced to be a chavboy. I sometimes wonder if you weren’t swapped at birth” Ben says jokingly. He and Katie laugh.Suddenly Kyle spots something in the undergrowth:
“Ere Ben, over there…”Running over he is shocked to see a mutilated corpse. It has been disembowelled and horribly disfigured. Ben rushes over and as he does so his foot sinks into something soft. It is another disembowelled corpse.
“What the hell? Looks like you were right Kyle, this is Hogeson’s work. Damn, its gone all inside my shoe…. Disgusting.”Ben is extremely shocked and upset and Kyle comforts him.
“I think I’m going to be sick. These shoes cost over £600 as well.”

Back at the apartment, Craig is getting bored:
“I don’t see why we have to like just sit here. Its depressing. I’m like so fed up. Why can’t we go to the river and help?”
“Ben told you to stay here so accept it. One does not want to listen to your sulky rambling all evening” Anselm replies, putting on Ben’s DVD of Fritz Lang’s “Metropolis”.
“We can watch a film.”Craig is unimpressed:
“I don’t want to watch this I want to help Ben and Kyle.”Anselm is annoyed:
“Shut up. You can always furnish yourself with a bath if you prefer and wash off some of that awful gothic makeup.”Isobel steps in:
“Excuse me Anselm. Craig chooses to express himself through his appearance. That is his choice to make.”Simon Sandringham looks up:
“Well I agree with Anselm. Such foolish teenage fads are common in state school pupils and are part of the reason that they underachieve.”Craig has had enough and stands up:
“Well you watch this ****e then but me and Isobel are like going to help Ben. And you can’t stop us!”Craig and Isobel get up and leave, Anselm feeling annoyed and perturbed.

Back at the riverside, Ben , Kyle and Katie have reported the bodies and are searching further up the river:
“He won’t still be here and this is pointless” Katie exclaims.Suddenly Ben sees a cloaked figure in front on them:
“I think you’ve just spoken too soon” Ben exclaims.The figure turns around and stares. It is Hogeson without the mask, his eyes black and unearthly, his mouth twisted in a strange sneer.Hogeson runs at them, pulling a huge lump of wood from behind his back. Kyle leaps at him, trying to wrestle the wood from his hand, however Hogeson pulls free and swipes Kyle around the head, knocking him out. He then strikes Katie, sending her sprawling into the stinging nettles. Turning towards Ben, he drops the wood and pulls a knife from beneath his cloak. Slowly he closes in…………

.……… be continued.

The need for a beard tax in the UK

With the credit crunch really starting to bite, Gordon Brown is right to be trying to stimulate demand in the economy. However increased borrowing risks stoking up problems for the future and cannot continue indefinitely. The government needs to think of new strategies to increase revenue. I suggest that they start with a substantial tax on facial beards, maybe £100 a month or higher. Men with beards tend to be either ageing 1970s dinosaurs or pseudo-trendies with little well-groomed 'designer' beards. Both can well afford to pay more tax.

Friday, 14 November 2008

Audiobook recommendation: "The Underwater Menace"

Probably the most underated Doctor Who story ever.

Thursday, 13 November 2008

Album recommendation: "The Sound of the Smiths"

Out now. A brand new Smiths compilation with remastering supervised by Johnny Marr. Available as a two disc special edition with rare tracks. Essential.


OK, here is the next part of this dark thriller folks:


A crazed Hogeson raises the cleaver and aims for Anselm’s face. However the door bursts open and Kyle grabs Hogeson’s arm just in time. He slams it against the wall, knocking the cleaver free and punches Hogeson in the teeth. The latter is possessed by the strength of the insane and wrestles free, kneeing Kyle in the groin. He runs out , Kyle in hot pursuit, however he disappears into the night, giving Kyle the slip.

In the plane, way above the clouds, Ben is staring out the window at the blue sky .
“Aren’t those clouds down there beautiful? Its incredible how free flying makes you feel. Down below us are all the dull, dreary people busy at their mundane jobs and small soap-style lives” Ben muses. Katie frowns:
“Well I’m finding this seat uncomfortable. Hurry up and get us to Cambridge.”
However Isobel smiles:
“Oh I think I know what Ben means Katie. We have risen above the corruption and routine of life on this world. Look out of the window at the fresh blue sky. Here is honesty and truth. I wish Craig was here.”
Eventually the plane reaches Cambridge and Ben brings it down, making a skilled landing in a park by the river. Several police cars arrive, however Ben shows the armed police his new Operation Delta ID card and after a few disgruntled exchanges the police agree to drive them to the rehearsal theatre. Here they find Craig, Kyle & Anselm pondering recent events:
“Thank God you’re all ok. Where is Hogeson?” Ben asks.Anselm looks up:
“Kyle relieved him of his weapon and gave chase, however he escaped.”
“Well done Kyle!”Kyle smiles:
“The **** kneed me in the bollocks like but I smacked him in the gob first.”
Craig is sitting in the corner, pouring out his feelings into a poem. Ben glances over his shoulder:

We drift alone through kicks and punches
Battered by the bricks of life,
Down down we fall
Until we moulder in our graves

“Craig, please stop writing that morbid verse. Isobel is here!” Ben exclaims.Craig looks up and then moves over to Isobel and they embrace.

Later they return to Ben’s apartment to plan their next course of action:
“OK, it is unlikely that Hogeson will return to the theatre now he knows we are on to him. Which means that he is prowling around Cambridge at large. From what Kyle has said, I suspect that the psychotic part of his personality is now in full control. We must literally hunt him down before he kills again. Any ideas?”Anselm looks up:
“One presumes that he will be looking for Simon here, the last of his theatre group left. Shall we forthwith furnish him as bait?”Ben frowns:
“Too risky. Simon stays here.”
Katie pours herself another vodka:
“Just let the police deal with it for Christ’s sake.”However Kyle has a different view:
“Apart from his theatre mates like, he has done in a student by the river. Why don’t we check out the riverside paths in case he returns there like .”Katie tuts:
“Bloody stupid idea!”However Ben disagrees:
“Well in the absence of any other ideas, I suggest we follow Kyle’s proposal.”

Meanwhile, by the side of the Cam, two students, Clive Motram & Nick Weatherby are walking arm in arm:
“This evening air is so enchanting. We’ll find a place to sit and enjoy the strawberries & cream that I’ve brought with us” Clive says:Suddenly Hogeson leaps out of the bushes and pulls out a knife, plunging it into Clive’s neck……………

.……………to be continued.


Ok folks, here is the next part of this major Doctor Who related film synopsis:


Ben stares at Roger, horrified:
“Oh my God. I’ve sent Craig & Anselm to meet with a killer. But I don’t understand… he appeared apparently normal.”Roger puts his hand on Ben’s shoulder:
“He would do. The dark star affected people in different ways. A short stare into its terrifying depths could leave you in a state of constant screaming, as it did to Jonah down the corridor. However a more prolonged stare had a stranger, more sinister effect. Its as if the very DNA of the person were changed, indeed imbued with something alien. Jeremy could appear to be just like his old self and yet the changes would come. His eyes would change into black opals and a murderous rage come over him….”
Ben is angry:
“So why haven’t you alerted the people here to the threat posed by Hogeson and any others changed in this way and returned?”
“I have dear boy, but they wouldn’t listen.”

Ben storms out of the room in a rage and corners Jack in the corridor:
“You damn fool Harkness! What kind of a pathetic operation are you running here? That man warned you of the dangers posed by Hogeson and others and you’ve just ignored it.”Jack scowls:
“Now hold on a damn minute. This is the first I’ve heard of this. The nurses and staff here are under instructions not to listen to the insane ramblings of the patients.”
Ben points his finger at Jack’s face:
“If Craig or Anselm are in any way hurt as a result of your incompetence, I will use all of my influence to ensure that you are removed from your post.”

Meanwhile, Kyle is escorting Simon Sandringham into Ben’s apartment:
“I still don’t see why the police can’t just guard me in my rooms. I don’t want to sleep in someone else’s abode” Simon complains.
“Its easier and safer all round like if you just kip ‘ere. Now shut your cakehole less you want a knuckle sandwich” Kyle replies tetchily.
As he enters the apartment, Kyle’s mobile rings. It is Ben calling from the island. He fills Kyle in on recent developments. Afterwards Kyle slams shut the phone:
“It seems that your mate Hogeson is the killer. I’ve gotta help Craig and Anselm like. You stay ‘ere.”Simon frowns:
“Jeremy? Don’t be ridiculous.” However Kyle shoots out of the apartment.

Craig and Anselm arrive at Hogeson’s rehearsal theatre and knock on the door. There is no answer . The door is ajar and Anselm gives it a push:
“It is open. Let us perchance to explore inside.”
They walk in and begin to explore the dark, eerie former music hall. There is a musty smell in the air and shabby , moth-eaten costumes lying around. Craig is uneasy:
“I don’t like this at all. I’ve gone all cold like. I want to get out.”Anselm is irritated:
“Please refrain from complaining. I agree that there is something very odd here.”
They explore further and Craig notices something lying in the corner. Thinking it looks like an unusual costume he approaches only to reel back in horror at the sight of a woman’s decapitated body with blood still oozing out of the gaping neck arteries…..

In Wales, Jack is driving Ben & the girls from the dock when Ben spots a private airfield out the window.
“Stop the car!” he demands “We have no time to lose. My father paid for me to have flying lessons when I was a student. We’ll borrow one of those planes and get back quicker.”
Leaping out of the car, Ben rushes up to the airfield, followed by the girls, before Jack can object. Katie is impressed:
“All of this has brought out a new side to you Ben. I’m impressed.”
Ben’s new sense of determination fires him to rush up to an airplane and open the door. Isobel and Katie get in and Ben starts up the engine. As he does so, a man rushes out of a nearby building:
“Hey, what the hell…”Ben grins out of the cockpit window:
“I am only borrowing this. I’m Ben Chatham” before expertly taking off into the clouds.

At the theatre, Craig is being comforted by Anselm when a figure rushes into the room wearing a cloak and clown mask. It raises a cleaver and swings at Craig’s head, missing by only an inch. Anselm grabs at the figure’s arm and knocks the mask off its face. It is Hogeson, his features horribly distorted. His eyes are glowing jet black. He pulls free and raises the cleaver, aiming straight for Anselm’s smooth and high-cheekboned face…..…

……. To be continued

Wednesday, 12 November 2008

Operation Delta: Meet the Team!

Ok, here is a brief intro to the Operation Delta team:

Paul Faraday: Overall team co-ordinator and operations manager. Age: 44. Ideal actor to play him: Michael French.

Corinne Shaw: Information co-ordinator and liason officer. Age: 32.

Ben Chatham: Head of Cambridge special operations unit and special scientific advisor. Responsible for relations with Torchwood and UNIT. Age: 25

Katie Ryan: In charge of incident site investigations and online research. Age: 23

Kyle Scott: Responsible for enforcement operations. Age: 20

Anselm Ashford: Investigative interviewer. Age: 23.

Craig Chatham: Trainee investigator. Age: 16.

Isobel Skye: Special investigator and advisor. Age: 17 . Alien origin.

Tuesday, 11 November 2008

A "Ben Chatham Adventures Magazine"

I'm contemplating looking into the possibility of producing a Ben Chatham magazine as there seems little chance of the DWM people including Ben & the Operation Delta team in DWM at the moment.


Ok, here is the next part of this chilling film project folks:


The figure raises the cleaver high and lunges for Kyle’s head. Kyle just manages to duck out of the way in time as the cleaver comes down , hitting him only a glancing blow, and thuds into the side of a bookcase. The figure in the mask yanks it free however Kyle manages to grab a paperweight:
“Yeah you want some mate? Well check this!”
Kyle lobs the paperweight at the figure which just manages to duck out the way and runs out of the room. Kyle gives chase as it bounds across the neatly trimmed lawns of King’s College however he starts to feel dizzy. The glancing blow has caused mild concussion and Kyle collapses onto the grass.

Meanwhile, Ben has called a meeting of the rest of his team in his apartment with the intention of discussing recent events. He pours himself a glass of Rioja and the others help themselves to drinks and food from the spread Ben has laid on. Bowie’s ‘Ziggy Stardust: The Motion Picture’ concert DVD is showing on the high definition TV behind him:
“You know, a lack of appreciation of David Bowie is one of the greatest failings in the teenagers of today…” he muses, much to the annoyance of Craig who scowls.
“Anyway, enough of this *switching off TV* lets get down to the business of the case. Anselm, how was this Emily woman when you left her house?”
“Fine, she was retiring early for the night. One could see that she was a strange old lady who needs her sleep.” Anselm replies.Ben moves on:
“Ok, now as I see things, the next step is to find out as much as we can about what happens to those who are taken by the rift. I’ve texted Jack and he’s agreed to a visit to their institution in the Bristol Channel for the victims of the rift. Katie, you can drive me there tonight, so go easy on the rioja.”Craig looks up:
“Can me and Isobel come? She does after all have experience of Torchwood institutions” Craig asks.Ben frowns:
“Isobel only. I need you & Anselm to go round to see Hogeson again and probe him for more information.”

A short while later, Ben & the girls are driving towards Wales, where Jack has laid on a boat to the Island.
“So Isobel, what was your stay in the Hub like?” Katie asks.
“I’d rather not think about that now. I’m just pleased to be out of there and adjusted to your world.”
“Did you sleep with Jack at all or Ianto?” Katie continues:
“Er no. Why would I? I’m with Craig.”
“Surely you want something a bit more mature than that sulky kid.”Ben is irritated:
“Leave her alone Katie and concentrate on the road.”Katie scowls while Ben offers Isobel his hand. She takes it and gently sings Michael Jackson’s ‘Ben’ to him.

Eventually they arrive at the queyside. Jack is waiting with a boat and they set sail. Arriving on the island, they are shown by Jack to a bleak, desolate asylum where Torchwood keeps those that the rift returns. The paint is crumbling from the walls and there are terrifying screams emanating from the rooms. A nurse shows Ben & the girls into a cell with the name ‘Jonah’ on the board by the door:
“Jonah is currently having a period of stability. However you will need to be quick as he screams incessantly for most of the day” she explains.Inside the cell they meet an obese and badly scarred man who gets up to greet them.
“Jonah, my name is Ben Chatham. I would like to explain a little about what happened to you when you were taken by the rift” Ben says. Jonah thinks for a while and then speaks:
“I woke up on a burning planet. A rescue ship saved me but I was left like this, deformed. There were many ships trying to escape from the planet. As we left that part of the galaxy we had to pass by a dark star. Some of us looked out of the windows…. It was terrible. Like a hand was reaching into my mind, tearing out my soul. All I could hear was screaming…. Screaming…..”
“And was everyone affected the same way by this?” Ben asks.
“Oh no. For some, like me, the screaming never left them. Others became violent…. Murderous. Some died……”Suddenly Jonah began to shake and the nurse ushered them out before he began a long, piercing and unearthly scream.

In the corridor, Ben turned to the others:
“It is as I thought. This Roger guy was clearly affected in a different way by his experiences than the others. It turned him into a psychotic killer. In whats left of his twisted brain he clearly sees his old friends as enemies.”As they are leaving the grim asylum, Katie notices one of the nameplates by a room.
“Ben, I think you ought to be aware of this.” She points to the nameplate, which says:“ROGER”. “You have a Roger here?” Ben asks the nurse.
“Oh yes. Would you like to chat to him as well? He should be stable at the moment”
They open the door and Ben sees a middle-aged man , unscarred by burning.
“Are you the Roger who founded a theatrical society in Cambridge? Why aren’t you burned?”Roger looks up:
“Yes dear boy. Please come closer, it is a long time since I saw such a delicate, beautiful face. There is so little beauty here. Not all of us were scarred, some were rescued before the planet burned. Jeremy wasn’t burned either. Poor Jeremy. Looking into the dark star made him violent…terribly violent.”Ben is angry:
“What? Hogeson was with you? Also taken by the rift?”
“Yes he was, dear boy. Fortunately we were returned to this world very quickly. Not like poor Jonah down the corridor who took forty years to get home.”
Ben is extremely agitated:
“Oh my God. Hogeson is the killer! And I’ve sent Craig and Anselm round there……………..”

…………….. To be continued.


OK, here is part four of this autumnal film synopsis folks:

"FACE OF DEATH" part 4

Ben and Katie arrive at Cambridge's main hospital by car, having been contacted by the police about the latest incident. Poppy Langham had been dragged out of the Cam just in time by a homeless man who witnessed the attack. Ben outlines his fears to Katie:
"I have formulated a theory. I suspect that the killer is none other than this Roger person, the one who founded the amateur theatrical society and who vanished in Cardiff. I suspect that he was taken by the rift."Katie is puzzled:
"Hang on. I recall you discussing the rift with Jack a while back. He said that the rift returned some people but that they were institutionalised in an offshore centre."Ben frowns:
"This is true. But what if this guy wasn't returned as a screaming lunatic but as a psycotic killer who somehow seeks vengeance on his former associates? Anyway, enough of this speculation, lets interview this girl."

They enter the hospital and after a bit of banter with the nurses they are shown into Poppy's private room.
"Hello Poppy. My name is Ben Chatham and this is my associate Katie Ryan."Poppy looks up, dazed:
"Hello..... what happened.... where is Alistair?"Ben takes her hand:
"He's dead. He had his head smashed in with a cleaver. I want your version of events."
Poppy screams and starts crying:
"I...I remember a man... in a mask....he attacked...." She cries uncontrollably:
"Please try to control yourself. Is there anything else you recall about him?" Ben asks:
"His......his.... eyes... through the mask... his eyes were just black. Pure black....."
Poppy starts to cry again. He and Katie decide that Poppy has told them all she knows and leave.
"Where are we going now?"Katie asks.
"I'm phoning Jack and then we're off to visit the Torchwood institution for rift victims."

Meanwhile Craig and Isobel have been sent to interview Jeremy Hogeson again about Roger at the rehearsal room.He lets them in and they walk past rows of costumes, musty smelling things that date back to the 1950s:
"My my, how young you detective people are becoming. Can I offer you a glass of wine my dears?" Hogeson asks.
"No thanks" Craig replies. "Tell us about this Roger dude."
"Oh dear, dear Roger. His full name was Roger DeAnjou. He trained at RADA you know. Roger loved the theatre and had such a passion for expressionist styling."
"Was he a violent man Mr Hogeson?" Isobel asks.
"Roger? Violent? Of course not young woman. How dare you even suggest it. Little trollop!"
Craig glares at him:
"No need to go off on one. I'm like not leaning much from you. We're going"
Craig and Isobel leave, Craig feeling very depressed that the interview didn't go better.

Meanwhile, Kyle has been sent to interview Simon Sandringham in his student rooms in Kings College. Kyle is in awe of the nicely furnished student rooms and shelves full of books.
"You ain't half got a lot of books." Kyle remarks.
"Of course I have, I'm a student at Cambridge. Now what do you want? Oh and please remove your shoes, I don't want soil treading onto the carpet."
"*removing shoes*Can you tell me about this Roger geezer? Anything weird about him?"
"Geezer? Anyway, Roger was a lovely man. If you are suggesting that he could be behind these murders then you are very wrong. Now if thats all you want then please go. Your presence intimidates me."
"'Ang about mate. Don't be like that." Kyle exclaims. Simon is unimpressed:
"I don't have time to dally with your type."
There is a knock on Simon's door. He gets up and opens it to be confronted by a figure in a cloak wearing a clown mask. It lunges at him with a cleaver ,missing his head by an inch. Kyle leaps up to defend Simon and the figure raises the cleaver, aiming straight for Kyle's head.............

.............. to be continued.


Anyway, here is part 3 of this dark tale folks:


The darkness has descended over Cambridge and a dank, musty fog lingers in the damp air. A cloaked figure stalks its way through the streets, casting shadows across the damp pavements. It stops outside a small terraced house in Roseberry Street and knocks on the front door. Inside the house, Clive Thistlewood emerges from his upstairs study and descends the stairs. Clive is a reformed alcoholic who has taken up amateur-theatrics as a way of taking his mind off getting plastered and punching policemen. He opens the door, however before he can say anything the figure, wearing a clown mask, thrusts a screwdriver into Clive's eyeball and uses its other hand to strike with a cleaver..........

Meanwhile, Ben, Katie and Kyle have arrived at 21 Villiers Gardens, a small former dancehall used by the theatrical society to rehearse. They are met by a middle-aged man with long, unkempt hair and a bow tie:
"You must be the people who rang. I'm Jeremy Hogeson. This is absolutely frightful! Someone is killing us all. They're after me!"
Ben tries to reassure him:
"Calm down sir. We are here to help. Try to relax."
"Obviously queer" Katie whispers to Kyle.Hogeson lets them all in and offers them a glass of wine. They are joined by two others who he introduces as Simon Sandringham, a 20 year old student and Emily Probst a 50 year old eccentric dressed in beads and a surfeit of makeup. "Theres only four of us left now. Clive is supposed to be here but hasn't turned up."
Ben is concerned:
"I suspect he could be dead as well. The killer is targeting your group for some reason. Any idea why?"Hogeson shakes his head:
"None at all dear boy."Katie frowns:
"Are you sure one of you lot isn't doing it?"Hogeson erupts:
"Listen you underfed floozy, I am not in the habit of killing people and neither are Simon or Emily. Silly trout!"Katie is irritated:
"Well you're clearly a bit of a weirdo."Kyle intercedes:
"Could you tell us something about your group like?"
"It was founded ten years ago by Roger. Dear Roger. He wanted to bring traditional acting back to Cambridge, with true passion and flair, not this modern, restrained piffle."
"Or in other words he was an old ham who had time on his hands" Katie observes.
"Where is Roger now?" Ben asks.
"Oh he vanished dear boy. On a trip to see his elderly Aunt Lucy in Cardiff. Between you and me, I suspect he had debts."Ben frowns
Hmmm. I suspect something more serious. Come team, we must consult Ianto & Jack forthwith."

Meanwhile, in another part of town, two students are lounging on a bench by the Cam kissing. Alistair Rhys-Appleyard and Poppy Langham are both studying Philosophy at Kings College and are hoping to get married after Cambridge.
"I adore you my dear. You are more precious than a Rupert Brooke poem." Alistair comments. Suddenly, from out of the bushes, a cloaked figure emerges and buries a cleaver into Alistair's head. As Poppy screams she falls into the Cam...........

................... to be continued.

Tuesday, 14 October 2008


OK, here is part 2 of this sci-fi mystery folks:

"FACE OF DEATH" part 2

The next day, Ben is driving Craig to the Hub in Cardiff to pick up Isobel, whom he has reluctantly agreed can stay in his flat for a short while:
"I'm not happy about this at all Craig, however I realise that you are such a depressed and negative youth that having her around might pull you out of it."
Craig hunches his shoulders in a surly manner:
"Did you mean what you said about setting us up in our own flat?"
"Well yes, in the long term. However I want to be sure that you'll stay together. She is an alien after all."
Craig is annoyed:"I love Isobel. She is my light, my hope in this dark, cold world."
He switches on his Ipod and listens to 'My Chemical Romance'.

Arriving at the Hub, Ben is whisked immediately away by Jack to the briefing room:
"Ben we have a case for you. Its a local one in Cambridge."
Ianto gives Ben the full briefing, staring longingly at Ben's lips:
"There have been a spate of murders in Cambridge, five to be precise. All the victims lived in Gladstone Street and have had their heads hacked in or removed with a cleaver. This was yesterday morning."
Ben is puzzled:
"So? A job for the police surely."
"Not any more. DNA samples from under the fingernails of of one of the victims revealed major irregularities. Whoever the killer is, they are now only partially human and part..... well alien."
Ben frowns:"An alien infection of some kind possibly. Ok, I'll drive back immediately and initiate investigations."

Arriving back at his apartment later, Ben has stopped off at the police station to requisition their info on the case. He has contacted Katie and , pouring himself a brandy and a vodka for Katie, he sits down to brief her, together with Kyle, Anselm, Craig and Isobel.
"OK team, this is our first case as a branch of Operation Delta and we need to achieve a quick resolution. So far, the only connection between the victims is that they all lived in the same street and belonged to the same amateur theatrical society. Since they didn't live in adjacent houses, I deduce that the killer has some connection with or grudge against the society."
Katie sips on her drink:
"I agree. Obviously we need to check this group out. I presume all the victims were gay men?"
Anselm frowns:
"Just because one belongs to a theatrical society does not mean that you are by definition gay."
Katie casts him an icy stare. Ben continues:
"They were of varied ages and some were women. I fear that the killer is possessed by an alien infection. If this is the case, then we need to know how far this is contageous. I fear that the whole population is at risk of being transformed into homicidal cleaver-weilding monsters..................." be continued.

Fox's Glacier Mints: the ultimate psychedelic experience!

"FACE OF DEATH" : A Ben Chatham/Doctor Who film synopsis

OK, following my synopsis for a Doctor Who film, here is an idea for a Ben Chatham spin-off series movie. I've tried to combine elements of classic Who & Quatermass with some social comment on 21st century western society.


Ben Chatham is lying across his sofa in his silk dressing gown enjoying an early morning cup of Blue Ridge Columbian coffee. He is listening to Bowie's 'Heroes' album and waiting for Anselm to arrive from the airport. The latter has been away for several weeks in Germany attending a festival of Wagner operas and Ben is keen to see him again. He pours himself some more coffee and relaxes to the sound of Bowie's voice.

Meanwhile, in Gladstone Street Cambridge, the residents are waking up and Mrs Ablewhite emerges from number 22 to fetch the milk in. She is an elderly lady of 76 who in her younger years had been a minor actress. The years haven't been kind however and she heaves her aching body out of the back door, her skin haggard from a life of chain-smoking and disappointment. As she picks up the milk, a hand grabs hold of her. She shrieks as a man dressed in a long black gown and a gaudy clown mask lifts up a meat cleaver and whacks her on the head.
Hearing the shrieks, Mr Ablewhite, upstairs in bed, shouts down:
"Hey, are you alright Daphne?" He is a slim old silvery-haired former lecturer who had left his wife for Daphne when the latter was still easy on the eye. Before he can get out of bed however, the intruder enters the room and hacks him to death with the cleaver, making a mess on the sheets.

The door buzzer of Ben's apartment rings before Anselm enters. Ben leaps up and holds Anselm close:
"Its so good to see you. I've really missed you. Did you have a good flight?"Anselm kisses Ben:"It was ok. I'm rather tired though. One has missed you too Ben, here look what I've bought you."
Anselm takes out an exclusive bottle of Wurtenberg Schnapps and Ben smiles:
"We'll have that later. Bedroom first *winks*".
"Ben I'm really tired after the flight. I'd rather just relax here with you on the sofa for a while and watch a dvd or something."
Ben is irritated:"Oh come on. I haven't seen you for weeks."
However Amselm sits down and starts to pour a coffee.
"Are you seeing someone else or something? Well?"
Anselm looks up:
"Of course not. I'm just tired."
Ben frowns:
"Well I'm not happy about this Anselm. You go away for weeks to another country when you know I'm too busy to accompany you and then you return only to refuse to sleep with me. I feel that you arn't committed to this relationship."
Ben's dark eyes well up with tears and he storms out of the room.

As he does so however, the door buzzer goes again. The second visitor is Captain Jack Harkness, who sits himself down and helps himself to a cup of Ben's coffee without being asked. As Ben returns fully dressed, he stares up and grins:"Hiya Benji-boy. You look great as always."
Ben fixes him with an icy stare:
"I'm in no mood for frivolity. What is the problem?"
"Ben, I have a proposal for you, well two actually. Firstly Isobel has undergone a remarkable change over the last month. It seems that her alien physiology and psychology have adjusted to the zeitgeist of human society, at least partially. She no longer needs to live in the hub, so I'd like to bring her here."
Ben is irritated:
"I'd rather you didn't. This place is full already. It'd distract Craig."
"OK Ben, we can discuss that one later. The other matter concerns Operation Delta. We feel that there is scope to expand the organisation, have it deal nationally with matters of alien, occult or unusual phenomena deemed too peripheral to Torchwood's core work. We have discussed this with Corrine Shaw & Paul Faraday who like the idea. We want you to head the organisation and Kyle, Katie , Anselm & Craig to be involved."
Ben sips his coffee elegantly:"I'm not sure I like being fobbed off with peripheral matters."
However Anselm is more enthusiastic:"Ben this sounds intriguing. One would simply love to become more involved in all of this."
Jack grins:"Great *places hand on Anselm's knee & winks*.

Back in Gladstone Street, Jack Stubbs is leaving his house to travel to Fitzwilliam College where he works as a day porter. He goes round to the back shed to fetch his bike. As he does so, a figure emerges from the shed wearing a clown mask and knocks him to the ground. It then raises up a meat cleaver and decapitates Jack with eleven whacks............

.............. to be continued.

Album recommendation: Bob Dylan: "Tell Tale Signs"

The new album is out now. It features unreleased songs from the 89-2006 period, including several outakes from 'Time Out of Mind'.

The US Elections

Thankfully Obama seems to be sliding into the lead again. The thought of the Palin woman being a heartbeat away from the most powerful job in the world is just awful. Given her obvious inexperience she'd be a cypher for all the worst elements in the US right , the bible-belters & gun lobby especially.
I've no idea what a 'hockey mom' is but I don't like the sound of them. I'd guess they are the US equivalent of the kind of agressive but dim women who drive their little angels to school in massive gas-guzzlers and complain to the school if their spoilt sprogs get a ticking off.

The X Factor: the apex of televisual excrement?

Having managed to avoid this for a few weeks I was obliged to watch the latest instaulment on Saturday. I do wish the BBC would run repeats of Doctor Who against it in order to compete effectively with this rubbish. Once again it consisted of the latest selection of intellectually challenged plastic crooners spouting their sob-stories and 'performing' generic bland versions of old songs and begging the praise of Simon Cowell . I dread to think what goes through the minds of the people who enter the competition other than their desperation not to continue working in Burger King. Cowell himself was spouting his usual pompous & bitchy put-downs and convincing himself that he takes the drivel seriously. Punk rock it is not.

Sunday, 12 October 2008

"NEW DAWN" Part 2


- continued

Meanwhile the Doctor receives a call from Ben Chatham, who is at an archaeological dig at Cerne Abbas. He informs the Doctor that Russia has launched a nuclear attack on Poland and that its all on the radio news. He asks the Doctor for help as the US may be about to retaliate and World War III begin. He also tells him that a strange light is shooting out of the Cerne Abbas chalk figure and into space.The Doctor confirms to Chuck & Jade that he thinks they are right. Meanwhile David Leader arrives on a motorbike, pursued by a police car. He claims that the establishment are after him because he fire-bombed a warehouse ‘owned by alien shape-shifters’.
The police car stops and Bill, the police chief approaches, telling them to:
“Get the hell away from this nut”. When the Doctor protests, Bill says:
“Don’t give me any of that **** boy”. However, Bill his shocked when his two policemen fade and change into reptilian aliens. They raise their weapons to execute David, however Donna throws some sand into their faces and everyone runs. As the reptilians pursue them, shooting a strange red light descends from the sky and engulfs them. The aliens vanish.Chuck explains that the earth is a living organism and that it is fighting back against the alien control force. He claims that he discovered the truth while wounded in Vietnam & being tended in a Buddhist monastery. He says that death valley is a centre for the benign earth energy.

In Cerne Abbas, Ben, Katie & Kyle are joined by Captain Jack. Having been briefed by the Doctor, he surmises that the alien mind-control machine is buried under the Cerne Abbas hill. As they examine the light, they are surrounded by aliens. They explain that they are Gantonians and that the aim is to capture earth for the Gantonian Empire. Once they have caused nuclear war on earth, they will invade and strip the planet of its resources. Ben tries to protest, but is restrained.Back in death valley, David and Jade walk away from the others trance-like and begin to kiss in the hot desert sun. Chuck explains that making love in the valley enhances the power of the earth’s energy and as David & Jade get heavy with each other, strange lights descend from the sky and a lilting music.

In Cerne Abbas, Ben jumps into the alien light and blocks it…… but is disintegrated.Breaking the light allows the earth energy to overcome the alien force. Beneith Cerne Abbas the alien machine stops and the Gantonians on earth are disintegrated. World leaders are freed from the mind grip.That evening, the Doctor , Donna & the others sit in death valley watching a massive light-show in the sky ‘the earth celebrating’ Chuck muses. There is no nuclear war and sanity is restored. Ben reappears in Cerne Abbas, having been saved my the earth’s force and he & his team celebrate.

Sunday, 21 September 2008

A Doctor Who Movie Proposal: "NEW DAWN"

The mooted Doctor Who film: a proposed plot outline!

OK, with David Tennant keen to star in a Who film, it strikes me that this would be a great opportunity for the show to reach even more people, especially in the US, and enhance its credibility. However it needs to be done in the correct way, rather than as some lightweight run-of-the-mill sci fi movie . Here is my proposal for how it could be done.


The movie will be set mainly in the US, in California's Death Valley, both to evoke a sense of place & landscape and to appeal to a transatlantic audience. There will also be some scenes in the UK. The Doctor will be travelling with Donna Noble who has recovered her memory. She is a popular companion and needs to be brought back. Also the film needs a 'big name' to pull in the audience , so Jack Nicholson will be in the cast.

main characters:

The Doctor
Donna Noble +

Ben Chatham
Katie Ryan
Kyle Scott
Captain Jack Harkness+

Chuck - an ex-US soldier & Vietnam vet , now a spiritual seeker, in his 60s played by Jack Nicholson
David Leader - a 21 year old university dropout
Jade Serena - a 20 year old daughter of a leading US senator
Bill Wayne - the local gun-totin' police chief

a brief synopsis of the plot:

The TARDIS lands in death valley, California, as Donna had asked to see the US and the Doctor thought it would be an amusing jape to take her somewhere different than the predictable LA or New York. They survey the atmospheric landscape - Donna is unimpressed and the Doctor pokes impish fun at her.Suddenly a beaten car shoots across the landscape and stops before them:
"Hey man, get in quick. They're comin' for us", a paranoid looking young man shouts from the car. The Doctor hesitates so the car drives off. Suddenly, he & Donna see a strange swirling wind with strange lights within it. This encircles the car & it explodes and vanishes.

Convinced that something is seriously wrong, the Doctor & Donna head towards a distant wooden shack where they meet Chuck (Jack Nicholson), a Vietnam vet who has lived in death valley for 30 years. He offers them some soup and a joint and explains that the earth is sick, that world leaders are not in control of their own actions and that some unknown force is manipulating world events for unknown purposes. He explains that he discovered the truth long ago and decided to live alone in the valley as he feels that he himself is a threat to others as the unknown force has tried to control his own mind. Donna believes that Chuck is insane, however the Doctor is not so sure.

Jade appears from within Chuck's shack and claims that she has evidence that Chuck is correct. She says that she has just arrived in the valley having just travelled from Washington, where her father is a Senator. She claims that the President and entire establishment are controlled by a mind-warping force and that the force is designed to lead the human race into self-destruction and is controlled by aliens. She says that 'desruction day' is close.

- to be continued

Saturday, 23 August 2008

Absinthe hangovers

Why is it that absinthe gives you such a stanking great hangover? I've been feeling woozy all day.

The Ben Chatham 2nd Canon Writer Competition

The final round has now started on the Doctor Who Forum - all votes are welcome!!!

The Case of the Twelve Gold Crosses: Part 2

OK, here is the next part of this adventure folks:

The Case of the Twelve Gold Crosses: Part 2

Sherlock Holmes stairs intently at the assembled group as he ponders the situation:
"Lady Arabella, if it is not too stressful for you at this moment, I would like you to tell us a little more about the circumstances of your parents' death."
Lady Arabella takes an elegant sip of the tea that Mrs Hudson has just brought for her:
"Its alright Mr Holmes. There is not much that I can tell you. I was at boarding school here in England when I heard that mother and father had died of malaria out in India. My father was out there working for the Viceroy. His valet , a Mr Jeremiah Snape, brought the news to me. I remember he was most concerned, he kept asking if mother or father had sent me any letters recently and that if I recieved any I should give them straight to him."
"Didn't that strike you as rather odd of him?" Ben asks:
"I was too young and upset to notice. But in retrospect it did seem a strange thing for him to ask *dabs her eye*".
Ben is intrigued:"This Snape was clearly after something. Do you know what happened to him?"
Holmes intercedes:"I know of this Snape. He regularly frequents the opium den just off Soho Square. We must pay him a visit. One more thing: could you describe the crosses to me?"
Lady Arabella has begun to weep and Ben puts his hand on hers to comfort her:
"The....they are quite small. They have a hole at the bottom end which is odd, because it means that they would hang upside down."
Holmes leaps up:"Oscar, I would like your permission to let Lady Arabella stay here for a while, It'll be safer. Ben & Constable Scott will accompany Watson and I. We'll meet you at the Albermarle Club in an hour"
Oscar stirs from a little nap:"Certainly my dear boy."

The carriage moves through the fog-drenched streets towards Soho Square.
"By jove Holmes, I do worry about you knowing about these awful dens and their poor unfortunate clientele" Watson muses. Holmes smiles.Ben looks out of the window sadly:
"I somehow fear that opium will continue to destroy lives for many years to come." He thinks of Niki and realises that Kyle is thinking of his mum.

Arriving at the opium den, they walk in and Holmes asks the scruffy looking man collecting entrance fees if Snape is present. Ben, gazing inside at the sunken-faced Victorian addicts sucking at their opium pipes by candlelight, notices a man leaving by a back door.
"Come on Kyle: round the back!" He shouts and they run out into the alley. The man is running away, however Kyle rugby-tackles him to the ground and gets him in an armlock. Holmes and Watson run up as Ben questions the man:
"I presume you are Jeremiah Snape. Have you just sent Lady Arabella Framcombe a severed hand?"Snape shakes his head and mutters obscenities. Holmes gestures to Kyle to relax his hold:
"Look Snape we mean you no harm. I know that if you are involved in our business it is in a minor way. Now please let us take you for a civilised drink and a bit of supper where we can talk properly."
"Alright Mr Holmes."Ben is impressed by Holmes' subtle approach and command of the situation, which reminds him a little of the Doctor.

Arriving at the Albermarle Club, just off the Strand, they alight from the carriage and Snape follows Holmes towards the door. Suddenly a man with a beard approaches through the fog. He lifts up a gun and shoots Snape. He runs away, dropping a folded piece of paper. Ben and Kyle give chase however he loses them in the dark London backstreets. As they return, Watson is stepping up from inspecting Snape."He's dead Holmes." Holmes has unfolded the sheet of paper and shows it to Ben and Kyle. On the paper is drawn and coloured in a green hand.
Ben looks puzzled:"...And this means?"Holmes stares intently:
"This is the symbol of the Green Hand League. An anarchist group devoted to the cause of revolution"................

............... to be continued

The Case of the Twelve Gold Crosses: Part 1

OK folks, here is the first part of this new adventure:

"The Case of the Twelve Gold Crosses" : PART ONE

Ben holds up the psychic paper:
"Hello Sir, my name is Ben Chatham and this is my... I mean Constable Scott. "
Holmes takes an elegant drag on his pipe:
"Hmmm Scotland Yard. Most interesting. I presume that they have found what may be a very old skeleton since they have sent a trained archaeologist round to see me."
Doctor Watson, sitting in the armchair in the corner lets out a gasp:"
By jove Holmes, how did you know that this fellow is an archaeologist?"
This thought echoed Ben's own:
"Why its elementary my dear Watson! Young Ben here has a speck of soil under his right index-fingernail. Since his general attire and demeanour are so refined and well groomed, I deduced that this could not be the result of carelessness or lifestyle. Therefore it must be his work. Since the work involves digging and he is a police Inspector, then he must be an archaeologist, since an Inspector would not involve himself in the general digging around bones, but would get his constable to do it."
Watson claps his hands:"Holmes you're a genius. *To Ben* Come in and sit by the fire."

Ben and Kyle sit in the elegant Victorian chairs by the coal fire. Watson offers them each a brandy and winks at Kyle.Holmes stands aloof, smoking his pipe:
"So what can we do for you?" Ben improvises:
"Er we are not actually on a case sir. I am preparing an article for the a new police periodical, to be called 'The Blue Lamp'. And I was wondering if I could take a small amount of your valuable time to conduct an interview with you for inclusion. I was hoping that you could rell us about some of your most difficult cases and how you solved them."
Holmes stays silent for a long time, looking out of the window into the foggy night. Then he springs to life:
"Of course! Ask away. Only it will have to wait, for a carriage has just drawn up outside."

Sure enough, there is a knock on the door and they hear Mrs Hudson showing someone in. Eventually the door opens and Mrs Hudson bustles in:
"Mr Oscar Wilde to see you, with a young lady."
"Show them in Mrs Hudson, show them in".
In walks the elegantly clad Oscar Wilde, wearing a long, fur-lined coat and waving an expensive walking cane. He is in a state of panic
My dear dear Sherlock, something terrible has happened. Something monstrous"
"Now Oscar, don't get excited. Come and sit by the fire and Watson will pour you an absinthe. And who is this most beautiful young lady?"
"This is my goddaughter, Lady Arabella Framcombe."
Holmes kisses her hand:"It is a delight to meet you."Oscar meanwhile has noticed Ben:
"And who is this? Sherlock it is most neglectful of you not to have warned me that you have such... charming company."
Ben introduces himself and Kyle. Oscar stares at him, spellbound and transfixed:
"I had no idea that the police employed such young Inspectors. There are few things more perfect than youth my dear boy. It is so tempting. And the only way to remove a temptation is to give in to it *strokes Ben's hair*"

Watson pours the drinks and Ben asks for an absinthe as he notices that it is a bottle of the finest kind. He is most impressed and nearly gives himself away:
"mmmm this is impeccable. You don't get absinthe this good in my century..... I mean in my club."
"You should join the Albermale Club", Oscar comments, "I would love to see more of you."
Meanwhile, Holmes is offering Lady Arabella a piece of lemon cake. She flashes her deep, dreamy eyes.
"Please. In your own time, tell us what this is all about." Holmes says.Lady Arabella elegantly nibbles a tiny piece of the cake and wipes a tear from her face.
"For the last twelve years, every birthday, I have recieved a gold cross in an envelope through the post. The envelopes are postmarked Eastbourne. There is no note and my family had no connections with that town. My mother and father were killed in India by a malaria outbreak twelve years ago just before the first cross arrived. I have been brought up in England by my nanny Mrs Holfstead, with Mr Wilde's support. "
Ben is intrigued:"Please get to the point. Where is this leading?" He asks.
"Well last night another package arrived. It is my 21st birthday today. It contained another cross... and something else."
She takes a box out of her elegant handbag. Oscar is shocked:"You brought the thing with us? In a handbag? A HANDBAG??"
"I'm sorry, but I thought that Mr Holmes would need to see it."She opens the box and slowly removes..... a severed hand, already green-tinged and putrefying. Everyone gasps.
"Seems we have a murder to investigate Constable Scott" Ben comments.Holmes frowns:
"Oh it is more than that. I suspect that what we have here is a threat so foul and so monstrous that the entire British Empire is in danger! Ben, Watson, Oscar; THE GAME'S AFOOT.......... be continued

Monday, 21 July 2008

The Case of the Twelve Gold Crosses: PRELUDE


The cold, dank fog hangs like a shroud over the cold streets of Victorian London, its narrow alleys eerily lit by flickering gaslights. The gloomy bricks of the dull houses echo with the hopes and dreams of the dead generations and pools of dank water lie in the filth-drenched gutters. In the corner of one such gloomy side-street stands a blue police box from another time. Inside, the Doctor is handing psychic paper to Ben and Kyle:
“… so I’ll be back in a weeks time, same place to pick you up. Should give you long enough to soak up the delights of Victorian London” the Doctor comments.
Ben smiles,“Thanks Doctor. I really need this break and meeting Sherlock Holmes is like a dream come true for me. We’ll use the psychic paper to pretend to be from the police.”
Kyle looks uncertain:“I’d still rather ‘ave gone to somewhere hot with beaches and stuff like.”
Ben frowns:“Oh come on Kyle, that sounds like you’d rather just go on holiday to Spain or something. This will be a real cultural break for you, a chance to see London as it was in the nineteenth century and to meet the finest English detective ever.”

They leave the TARDIS and walk through the dank, fog-drenched streets. Kyle stares at the shadowy buildings, dimly lit:
“This is really cold and damp innit. We could always run back to the TARDIS *sound of the TARDIS leaving* , or not *frowns*”
Ben grins:“Look Kyle, I’m sure that you’ll enjoy this more than you think. I know Anselm wishes he could have come with me , however he felt obliged to stay for his cousin’s wedding.”
As they walk through the dim side streets, they pass by a noisy tavern with women drunk on gin dancing on tables while rough men in battered hats with Victorian sideburns armwrestle each other. As they move on a woman approaches:
“Ere would you to gentlemen be wanting a girl to warm you up?”
The haggard looking woman lifts up her skirt to show her ‘wares’. Ben moves along quickly.
“That, Kyle, was one of the many prostitutes of this era. She probably has a low-paid job such as matchmaking and is topping up her income to pay the rent. It was from this social group that most of Jack the Ripper’s victims came from. This is living social history Kyle!”

Eventually they emerge onto a wider street with carriages passing by.
“And this is Baker Street! Come Kyle, this is the house we want.”
Ben rings the ornate Victorian doorbell and waits as the door slowly opens. A middle aged ‘motherly’ woman stands before them:
“Ah, you must be Mrs Hudson. We’ve come to see Sherlock Holmes” Ben says, “we’re from the police” *shows her the psychic paper.*
“Oh come in gentlemen, you’ll catch your deaths in the cold. I’ll just show you upstairs.”
Mrs Hudson leads them upstairs by candlelight and the sound of a violin being played badly echoes round the house. She bangs on a door:
“Mr Holmes, Mr Holmes, two gentlemen to see you.”
“Show them in then Mrs Hudson.”
The door opens and Ben sees a tall man with dark hair and a long chin in a dressing gown: the legendary Sherlock Holmes………….

.……………. To be continued

Saturday, 14 June 2008

"Midnight": Absolutely brilliant!

For once this gets a 5/5 for me. It was absolutely excellent , a brilliantly scripted depiction of the pack mentality in action . Those people, when faced with a crisis, mostly acted dreadfully and very true to life. I like the way that even some of the more thoughtful ones like Jethro & David Troughton's character turned selfish and followed the crowd eventually. It was better that we didn't learn much about the alien. This was brilliant writing from RTD - more like this earlier would have been welcome. Loved it.

Saturday, 7 June 2008

Forest of the Dead

That was better than the first part . The stuff with Donna in the computer world was creepy and it was all quite cleverly written. At the same time though it was a bit frustrating - the shadow creatures didn't really make sense and it would've been better to have chopped out the 'happy ending'.

Monday, 26 May 2008

New Characters Gallery

Shakey Jake Craig Chatham Barry Tuck

As yet Isobel remains uncast.

Sunday, 25 May 2008


Ok, here is a brief taster of the next Ben Chatham adventure folks.


Through the vastness of space they move. Formed by intellects vastly superior to homo sapiens and focused with the certainty of a sleepwalker. As they reach the atmosphere of earth the objects slow for their final descent, homing in on their targets......

Ben is lying across the sofa in his dressing gown enjoying a cup of Blue Ridge columbian coffee and reading RJ Griffiths' definitive biography of Henry VI. As he reads, he occasionally looks up at Craig, who is sitting with his head resting on his knees and staring mournfully out of the window. Kyle enters the apartment with some shopping and approaches Craig:
"Ere I got that magazine you asked for. Hows about you help me unpack all this."
Craig stares out the window:
"It is of no concern. My life is frozen and pointless. I am alone."
He gets up and walks out and slams the door of his room.
"Aw he's still pining for Isobel Ben. Can't you ask Jack if he can visit her again like?"
Ben looks up:
"And what good do you think that will do? Use your head Kyle. The more time he spends with the girl the more he misses her later. Its best if he forgets her."
"But it ain't that simple, 'e loves her Ben."
Ben is irritated:
"And I'm worried about him too Kyle, however there is no point in pretending he can ever be with her all the time."

Ben turns on the tv to catch the news and is intrigued by the lead item:
".... and all over the world, reports are coming in of the strange metallic cylinders appearing in roads, gardens, fields. So far 14 have been reported in the UK and all are resisting all attempts to move or dislodge them. The M25 remains partly closed....."
"Hmm.... interesting" Ben muses. I think I'll ring Jack after all....

..... to be continued

Thursday, 22 May 2008

Goodbye RTD, hello Moffatt

Thanks are undoubtedly in order to RTD for relaunching the show.

Monday, 19 May 2008

Album recommendation: Phil Ochs "Rehearsals for Retirement"

A stunning album from 1969. Includes 'Pretty Smart on My Part', 'Another Age' & 'Rehearsals for Retirement'.

The Unicorn and the Wasp

Definitely one of the better new series episodes. A well written script and it was fun spotting the novel titles.

Monday, 28 April 2008

The Sontaran Strategem

On the plus side it was a good old fashioned UNIT story. However the Sontarans are now too small and the plot was on the simplistic side.

Sunday, 20 April 2008

"The Claws of Time" pt 2 by Lemon Bloody Cola

The Beast In Me

Later in the day Kyle and Craig are sat in a café enjoying fish and chips when Kyle notices beneath the sleeve of Craig’s hoodie a number of laceration marks that stretch out like lines on a treasure map. But these cuts don’t not lead the way to untold riches, instead Kyle knows they have but one destination. The hollow hum of teenage desolation. Craig notices Kyle has clocked his cuts.
“Yeah I’m a cutter. So what? A lot of kids at my school do, some of them for fashion and to look emo but me I keep it to myself. It helps me get some release from the pain of being bullied and my Mum’s death. Most people can never understand what it’s like to not fit in.”

Kyle’s eyes fill up with kindness,
“Look I know what it’s like to not fit it at School. I loved my painting when I was your age but it wasn’t seen as something lads from my estate were meant to do, I go sick of getting battered so I jacked it in and joined a gang. Eventually I hardened, violence and crime came to be the most important things in my life. It’s a bad road and it’s one I walked until your Uncle saved me and showed me there’s more to life. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and stop myself ever stopping painting though..”

Kyle and Craig’s bonding is violated by a gang of hooded figures rushing into the Café and pouncing on them. One of the figures renders Craig unconscious with a nerve hold. Seeing his new young friend treated like this causes Kyle to lose control and he flies into a berserker rage, leveling one of their assailants with a headbutt square in the mouth that dislodges his two front teeth. The teeth hang in the air almost gracefully like a brutal anatomical ballet.

Kyle continues to throw expletives into the air while punching, kicking and butting the hooded figures like a man possessed. Kyle grabs one of the men and begins to pound his face with his fist in a relentless pivot motion, each swing seems to send the man’s face into a gruesome mush.
“Who ****ing sent you to attack us? You best ****ing tell me or you’ve breathed your last ****ing breath!” The man weakly begins to speak blood gushing out of his mouth with every strained syllable, ”hail the cult of the Reapers!” “What the **** is that?”“We follow the great winged ones, they visited the Earth in 1987 and we we will once again bring about their coming. To purify the earth with their mighty claws”
The man then fades into unconsciousness, Kyle surveys the broken bodies, furniture and terrified onlookers that scatter the café. He also sees Craig has awakened and seen his interrogation. “K-k-kyle you were like an animal!” Kyle beings to sob hopelessly “I haven’t lost it like that in years! It ISN’T ME IT ISN’T ME!”

Meanwhile, Jack and Ben have arrived at Skullmoor school to a most macabre sight. The playground is scattered with the corpses of students and teachers alike, in a pool of crimson and disembodied internal organs.Ben stoically quips in a sombre tone "reminiscent of Picasso's Guernica.""Yeah I knew Pablo, he was a bit of a lover man, but this isn't the time for joking we need too.."
Jack is broken off by a claw just missing Ben's head. The first of a swarm of hungry Reapers swooping down to attack the two men as if Hell had belched out it's foulest vitriol.


Saturday, 19 April 2008

"The Claws of Time"pt1 by Lemon Bloody Cola

Re: The new official Ben Chatham Adventure "The Claws Of Time"

Heres the first part proper of this exciting and sophisticated adventure. I apologies for the length but I can promise you it's a lot more action based than long winded prose based, well worth a read.

Columnated Ruins Domino

“For goodness’ sake Jack, can’t you get in touch with UNIT? I’m in a delicate mental state at the moment.” pleads Ben.“I know what it’s like to lose people close to you Ben, believe me. But in situations as crucial at this, it’s a matter of duty, the whole world is at stake,” retorts Jack.Upon hearing this Ben slumps into the sofa, head full of thoughts of “why me?” and the terrible burden of the responsibilities his travels with The Doctor have placed on him.

Jack’s mood undergoes a sea change, as his mischievous handsome eyes survey the room. He sends a cheeky wink Kyle’s way, kisses the hand of a for once blushing and silent Katie, before finally setting his sights with intent on Craig.
“Hey Ben, what you doing having jailbait around here with my reputation?” The misfit teen doesn’t know if he should feel embarrassed or thrilled to be found attractive. In reality his complexion answers before his mouth can as he blushes a deep shade of red.

Jack grasps Craig’s shoulders and once again his manner drifts to one of urgency.
“Well you are a lot more than a pretty fresh face kid. You might be wondering why I’m outside Torchwood’s usual jurisdiction in Cardiff, but I thought it’s best if I handle this one being as I’ve had experience working with gorgeous Ben before. I’m sorry but we’ve been tracking your Nephew for the last couple of months,” says Jack pulling a tiny bugging device from the sleeve of Craig’s My Chemical Romance hoodie.
“I need you to tell me about Skullmoor Comprehensive School, and specifically your friend Kyle.”Ben butts in “A comprehensive! A Nephew of mine in a comprehensive!? I despair.”
Jack ignores this focusing still on Craig, “tell me your friend Kyle what’s his surname?”
“Erm, Scott Sir.”

Kyle gasps, all these coincidences are now getting beyond spooky.“Is there anything strange about this kid you’ve notice, Jailbait?” “Erm well yeah he wears these Kappa tracksuits that haven’t been in fashion for like ten years and the other day he comes up to me and starts talking about this, well as he put it ‘gear’ new band called Oasis. I mean everyone knows only wrinklies listen to Oasis, it made no sense!” “My goodness!” exclaims Ben “It sounds like the timeline is collapsing in on itself or at least that would be my educated guess.” He chokes back tears and bravely proclaims “If that’s true the whole world as we know it could be at stake. We can’t allow that to happen and furthermore we can’t allow a world were 15 year old boys listen to Oasis. I’ll help you Jack, it’s what Nikki would have wanted.”
“That’s my man!” say’s Jack ruffling Ben’s heaven sent blond locks. “Now listen, Craig, Kyle I have reason to believe it’s far too dangerous for you two to be involved in this..”
“Kyle, just take care of Craig for me while me and Jack go and check it out.” orders Ben.

Friday, 18 April 2008

"The Claws of Time" Prologue : by Lemon Bloody Cola

The new official Ben Chatham Adventure "The Claws Of Time"


Time flows like waves, leaving us drenched in the salty tears of experience that burn at our skin till they out of necessity become pregnant with new life. In a gorgeously furnished London flat, a pair of beautiful forlorn dark eyes do not survey the exquisite tasteful décor, nor the rare archaeological artifacts that adorn the shelves and walls, not even the faces of his closest friends Kyle Scott and Katie Ryan that hover over him like clouds fit to burst with the rains of compassion, a compassion they display in ways unique to their characters and backgrounds which though fall in a deluge can not wipe Benjamin Chatham’s soul clean of the most gruesome monster of all, the piercing crimson claws of time, the demonic many headed beast of memory.

The beautiful dark eyes that have seen the best and worst of what this universe have to offer, the dim candle of the past, the tremulous roar of the future and savage alien lands, now finally set themselves upon the sight of something they can not process. The face of a young boy, a young boy that acts as an all too acute magnified mirror reflecting back Ben’s own grief, fear and loneliness since the death of the lost sister he found only to lose again forever.

Craig Chatham stands alone as the day he was born, needing nothing more than the last link to his mother: the uncle who has saved the world so many times but finds himself as helpless as an eagle without wings when it comes to giving Craig the love and support he needs.
Kyle Scott has his own knawing melancholy to contend with, the mother stranded in the realm of addiction, but this is filed to the back of his head. He knows Ben needs him now more than ever, he must try and normalise the situation, to pierce though the wall of emotion separating Ben and Craig
“Ere so mate do ya like school?”Craig ponders and for a second is taken away from thoughts of his lost mother
“I guess it’s ok, I like art and I do okay in my lessons, but I’m always getting beat up cos of it.”
In the mind of Kyle Scott a distant memory awakens like a sleeping giant, only to be diverted from traveling to his lips by the sound of Katie's laughter.
“Ha how typical for a Chatham to get pushed around! It’s a tough world out there kid, you best toughen up or you’ll be grown up and letting some no hoper chav like Kyle here sponge off you while you lay around like a beached whale feeling sorry for yourself!”
If you could have cracked Craig’s stony face with a hammer of empathy you would uncover a world of bemusement and hurt at Katie’s statement but he so longed to stay with his Uncle Ben he changes the subject somewhat to avoid offending Katie "er actually, my best mate at School is called Kyle, he’s into art like me, he’s an amazing painter but he gets stick for it as well and his families like, underprivileged and don’t see much point in him carrying on with it so he’s thinking of jacking it in.”

Kyle can scarcely believe the coincidence in front of him but once again his attempt at speech is interrupted this time by a frantic banging on Ben’s front door so vigorous it even shakes Ben out of his prone haze of despair.“Good god, who the hells this? I can’t take any more unwanted bombshells today!”Ben answers the door to be greeted by none other than Captain Jack Harkness his face streaked by a dark shade of urgency.“Ben, something is very very wrong here, and if you don’t help me make it right it’s the end of everything!”


"CRYSTAL": Part 8

“CRYSTAL: Part 8”


As Hendridge and her men are leading Ben and the others out of the pub a fleet of UNIT vehicles zoom by.
“Quick men, back inside the pub” Hendridge shouts.
Everyone is forced back inside and Hendridge forces all of the customers up against the wall.
“So Ben Chatham, you called for reinforcements. Well I suggest that you get onto your phone and call them off or we will shoot two of these customers every half-hour. And just to show we mean business……..”
Hendridge twirls round, raises her gun and shoots an elderly man through the head, blood and brains splattering over the bar. However the man’s shocked son lunges at Hendridge, knocking her flying. Kyle and Ben pitch in, helped by the locals, grabbing Hendridge’s men causing random gunshots to spray out smashing bottles. Kyle elbows one of the men in the face and grabs a gun, however suddenly Hendridge gets to her feet and begins to glow, shape-shifting into a spider.
“The red crystals grant the power of disguise. And now you will die.”
The spider leaps onto Kyle’s back, clawing and making him drop the gun.
“Kyle” Ben shouts however the spider turns itself and a spray of acid shoots out from its mouth , straight towards Ben’s face……..


Donna is restrained by two of Dalton Mayne’s heavies as they watch more images on the plasma screen of animals attacking people in the street.
“I must say that’s a nice screen” the Doctor observes.
“Oh yes, its high definition with surround sound. The DVD player is built in and plays Blu-Ray.”
“Wise choice” the Doctor states, “it becomes the standard format by 2015. Mind you, its still not a patch on the audio-visual technology I have within my TARDIS.”
The banter lulls Mayne into a false sense of security while Donna breaks free from the men’s grasp and boots one in in the testicles:
“Ow me bollocks” he screams while she punches the other in the teeth. The Doctor grabs the spider by its spindly legs and before it can squirt any acid he spins it round and round above his head then lets it go so it flies off and smacks into the wall. Donna grabs the red crystal and they run out of the room and down the corridor.
Finding their way out of the building, the Doctor takes the red crystal from Donna:
“Only one thing to do with this….”
He cricket-ball style bowls it at the wall of the house where it shatters into numerous shards. Back inside the building, the reviving spider shrivels up and dies.
Turning round, the Doctor sees the Torchwood team approaching:
“Well done Doctor” Captain Jack exclaims and the two embrace.


The acid flies towards Ben, who just manages to turn around in time as it splats into the back of his jacket, searing into it. Ben throws off the jacket:
“Oh no… no. That cost me nearly £900.”
Kyle wrestles the spider to the ground as Ben shouts at the terrified customers to flee the pub while they can. Katie and Nikki have pitched into the fight however one of Hendridge’s men manages to grab a pistol from the floor. He raises it and aims at the fleeing customers and just at that moment Anselm joins the back of the crowd. The gun goes off…….
Meanwhile, UNIT troops storm the Cedars complex and shoot any spiders that confront them. The red crystal is machine gunned into fragments.
In the pub, the bullet whizzes just past Anselm and out the door as the spider withers and dies. However the man fires again and this time it shoots out at an angle and hits…………

………. Nikki.


It is a week after Nikki’s funeral. Ben is lying across the sofa in his dressing gown, a two-thirds empty bottle of French absinthe and a jug of iced water on the table and a glass in his hand. His dark eyes are filled with tears.
“Ben you need to stop this. Drinkin’ aint gonna do anything but make this worse. Hows about I fix you some snap.” Kyle says.
The words pass straight through Ben as he mumbles to himself:
“I should have kept in touch with her. I should never have destroyed those letters. Mum and dad will never forgive me. She’s gone Kyle.”
The door rings and Kyle opens it to see Katie Ryan who barges in:
“How is he? Still the same? *addressing Ben* You need to pull yourself together! This isn’t like you Ben. Its not as if you’d seen the silly cow for years and it wasn’t your fault in any way.”
Ben stares ahead:
“Just shut up Katie, ok? Just shut the hell up!”
The tears roll down his face as he pours another absinthe.
After Katie has gone, Ben turns to Kyle.
“There may be no more investigations Kyle. And no more trips with the Doctor in the TARDIS, at least for a time. I just can’t face it, not after what has happened. Look, I’m sorry I’ve never really appreciated you much, but I’ll make it up to you.”
Just then the door rings again:
“Oh I hope that’s Anselm.” Ben says mournfully.
Kyle opens the door to see a young lad of around 15 .
“Er hi. Are you Ben Chatham?”
“Oh er, no. Who’s askin’?”
“I’m Craig. Craig Chatham. He’s my uncle……”
Kyle ushers him in and Ben turns around:
“Er Ben, this lad says he’s your nephew like”.
“Yes I heard. Is this some kind of twisted joke?”
The boy looks hurt:
“Mum said you were her brother. I ain’t going back to that children’s home, no way.”
“You can’t be a Chatham you’ve got black hair!” Ben replies, sipping the absinthe.
“Mum said my dad had black hair.”
Ben sinks back into listlessness.
“Well you’ll have to go back into care. They’re paid professionals, they’ll help you. What do I know?”. Ben’s eyes fill with tears again and he reaches for his wallet.
“Here’s £100. This should cover the price of a b&b and your train fare back.”
The boy stares at the money.
“I ain’t going back there, not ever.”
Kyle intervenes:
“Ben e’s just a kid and you ain’t thinking straight like.”
“Ok , you can stay here, at least for tonight.”
Ben pours another drink:
*staring into the camera*
“With all this going on, I’ve made the right decision in taking a rest from travels with the Doctor. How long for….. I just don’t know…….”

………. THE END