Sunday, 26 April 2009

Casting news

It has been decided to 'recast' the role of Kyle. He will now be played (in the virtual sense) by Luke Tittensor, formally in Emmerdale.
Also, in an upcoming story Kyle's half-brother will be introduced Shane Scott. Who do you think should play him? Take part in the poll.


OK folks, here is the next part of this classic Doctor Who adventure:


The Doctor is led by Henry and his guards though the winding passageways towards an ante-chamber:
"My allies await you in this room. I must now attend to other matters", Henry states before lumbering off, using his walking staff due to obesity and an ulcerated leg. The Doctor is ushered into the ante-chamber which is aglow with strange lights and equipment. The Doctor pokes about a bit at the equipment and then looks up worried:
"This is like Time Lord equipment. Show yourselves like".Suddenly there is the sound of giggling and two children emerge from behind a metallic control panel, one a boy of about ten and a girl of around eight.
"We areTime Lords. I am Tremath and this is my sister Astellata. You will serve us as you are a grown up."The Doctor is shocked:
"How the hell did you escape the Time War? This is impossible."
"It is not. Our parents were on the High Council. When they realised what was likely to happen they broke all of the rules to save us. We were placed in an orb and hidden in the void. The void ship was programmed to re-emerge into this universe."The Doctor is puzzled:
"But like why all this business with Henry VIII and earth. This like so makes no sense."
"We were lost in the void for so long. It was dark and cold. We want some fun. We are Time Lords and every other race are our playthings. We will alter time and kill things."
"Killing things is fun" the girl adds.The Doctor grimaces:
"The void has like driven you insane. I am so sorry that this has happened to you. Your parents were wrong to do what they did. Let me like help you."The crazed children giggle:
"He wants to help us. You will serve us. Our parents were on the High Council. You are our slave".

Meanwhile, Ben and Nathaniel are lying in each other's arms in Ben's cell bed.
"I want to lie with you forever. That was so good" Nathaniel says, kissing Ben's smooth cheek.
"You certainly have the magic touch. You can tell you haven't had any for sometime" Ben replies.Nathaniel is curious:
"So tell me more about this time. Do you have a lover? Does it matter if you are caught?"Ben stares at Nathaniel's dark eyes,
"Life is much more free than in your time. I am single at the moment. My last boyfriend never appreciated me, but that has happened before. Everytime I want commitment from a guy they let me down."Nathaniel holds Ben close:
"I won't let you down".Suddenly they hear footsteps and Nathaniel hurriedly gets up and pulls on his loose clothes. The door flies open and Henry VIII bursts in. He looks at Nathaniel:
"What are you doing in here, knave?"Nathaniel stammers:"Jjjjust... just questioning the prisoner sire.""Well go and do something else. NOW!"Nathaniel leaves and Henry walks over to Ben, smiling. He rubs his hand down Ben's smooth cheek and pulls the bedclothes down a little.
"There is something about you young Ben. Most pleasing and comely. I've brought you a present."Henry empties a bag onto the bed, containing a dress and some fine silk undergarments.
"Please put these on for me. You wish to please your King surely."He ruffles Ben's hair, drooling at the mouth.

In the ante-chamber, the Doctor is trying to reason with the Time Lord kids:
"Look, you are not yourselves. The void has harmed you, but I can help."Tremath scowls:
"You will serve us. After we finish with earth you will find us other planets to play with. You will give us your TARDIS."The Doctor frowns
I will not. Now like please listen to reason. I don't want to have to harm you. I cannot let you play with the earth like a toy."
"You have no choice."Tremath gestures and the guards grab the Doctor and hold him down while Tremath kicks him in the teeth. His sister giggles:
"We will put Henry VIII back on the throne. We plan to use this equiment to send waves of Theta energy over the planet, which will kill over 2/3 of the humans. In the confusion we will unleash Henry's army which is waiting to be transported over. It'll be so much fun to watch".......... be continued.


ok folks, here is the much anticipated next part of this better than the current tv specials adventure:


The Doctor is dragged towards the blood-soaked block as the executioner grins sadistically. However as the Doctor is about to be forced down, Ben strides forward and bows before the King:
"Sire, I must plead that you don't go through with this. The Doctor could be useful to you alive, we all could. He is a Time Lord, an alien not of this world. He has great knowledge that could be of value."Henry thinks for a second then gestures to the executioner to halt the proceedings:
"Tis true that my allies have spoken of one called the Doctor. A great alchemist no doubt. He may indeed be useful in my quest to regain control of our realm."

Henry orders the Doctor, Martha & Katie to be confined in a cell within the underground complex, while he holds back Ben for a consultation. Ben kneels before the King.
"Pray converse with me a while, young knave. What is your name?"
"It is Ben Chatham sire".
"Ah Ben. Tis a fine name. You're looks are most beguiling . Tis true that thy skin is as appealing as that of a pretty wench."Henry leans forward and strokes Ben's face.
"When I am King again in this time, I would that you serve me as my manservant."Ben decides to try and coax some information out of Henry:
"Please sire, I am curious. How do you come to be here in this time?"
"My allies rescued me at the point of death in 1547. They used their medical knowledge to restore me to health and to bring me to this time. They also ensured that this underground complex was constructed and made ready for my return. They told me that my dynasty would die out by 1603 as my children would themselves be childless. However by bringing me to this time they offered unto me the chance to reclaim my realm and continue my dynasty."Ben is curious:
"Who are these allies and what is in this for them?"Henry frowns:
"So many questions young Ben. Please, no more for now. *Stroking Ben's hair* I would that you wear a dress for me and some fine silk underwear *drooling at the mouth*".

Later Ben is led to a cell of his own by a young servant of Henry's.
"Here is your room Sir. The king asked that you be kept away from your friends" the servant says. He is a young man of around twenty with dark hair and slim features. Ben notices his melancholy eyes:
"You don't look too happy to be here I must say. Presumably you were given no choice. What's your name?"I am Nathaniel Welbourne and no I had no choice. My father was executed for being a papist and I thought it may harm my family more if I opposed the King's wishes to bring me here. Besides, I had nothing to stay for."Ben feels deeply attracted to the young man and puts his hand around his waist:
"I find that hard to believe, a goodlooking boy like yourself."Nathaniel pulls away:
"Sir, in my time love between men is punishable by execution."Ben smiles:
"Not in this time. You have much to discover here Nathaniel." Nathaniel looks worried:
"But I'm afraid for you sir. You have caught the King's eye. I fear he may want you for himself in this new time of yours. If he catches you holding me as you have just tried to do it may be the block for us both."Ben smiles:
"Then we'll just have to make sure he doesn't catch us" *he pulls Nathaniel towards him and they kiss*.

Meanwhile the Doctor, Martha & Katie contemplating recent events:
"What the hell does this all mean Doctor?" Martha asks.
"I like fear that some alien force are using Henry as a way of controlling this country after launching an invasion. Why Henry though? And how did they get control of time travel technology? None of this like makes sense."The Doctor is worried and his floppy hair falls into his face.Suddenly the door is flung open and Henry stands in the doorway glaring:
"The one who is called the Doctor will come with me!"
"Why not us as well you fat old perv?" Katie shouts.
"Tame that shrew! You Doctor will come hither. My allies wish to converse with you......"

................ to be continued.


The machine’s lights flash and a strange translucent glow appears. Slowly a series of figures take shape ; a tall obese man dressed in jewel encrusted velvet and two young men brandishing swords. The Doctor looks on horrified:
“But this is like impossible….”
“He looks like Henry VIII” Martha exclaims.
“It is Henry VIII and I think we should like run!” the Doctor shouts.
They all run out of the cellar room and Mount leads the way up the winding Tudor stairs. However as he does so the old man puts a foot wrong and topples backwards, bringing everyone else down with him. They fall down into a mangled heap at the bottom of the stairs.
“You stupid old fool” Katie shouts in anger.
As they look up, they see the two young guardsmen standing over them, their swords raised.
“What this amounts to is that Mount’s wrong foot has added to our mounting problems. We like have a mountain to climb now”, the Doctor wittily quips.
Shortly later they are all sitting in an underground throne room , accessed via a secret doorway in the cellar. Henry sits on his throne enjoying a massive plate of turkey drumsticks served with flagon of red wine & some quail’s eggs. He is attended to by large group of servants.
“Henry clearly sent the servants first to prepare things before his arrival. What we experienced in the TARDIS was presumably the effects of a later group of them arriving” Ben observes.
“Good thinking Ben” ,the Doctor replies, “this is all wrong though. I’m like so concerned as to how like the Henry dude came by this technology.”
Ben strides bravely towards the King:
“So how have you managed to travel through time. Who is assisting you in this?”
He feels a hand on his shoulder pushing him to the ground:
“Kneel before the King, knave! And do not speak lest he addresses you first or your head will be forfeit” shouts a burly servant. Henry looks up:
“Who is this worm? And these others?”
The servant grins:
“Shall I get the block ready sire?”
The Doctor strides forward grinning:
“Oh we’ve met before Hal. I can call you Hal like? I’m the Doctor. Nice new face and superior locks but still the Doctor!”
Henry scowls:
“So ‘Tis true! My allies warned me that you could change your face. *To servant* Make this churl kneel!”
The servant whacks the Doctor round the kneecaps with a large staff and he falls.
Martha and Katie are angered.
“Leave him alone! Why are you here and who the hell are you in league with?” Martha demands. Henry grins:
“Who is this fine spirited filly? We hope all wenches are this comely in this age. She should be lively between the sheets as we get between those strong thighs *Henry begins to salivate* pounding away ….”
Spittle dribbles down Henry’s beard:
“And this other wench is even shapelier.”
Katie is annoyed:
“I have no intention of ending up like your unfortunate wives.”
Meanwhile Mount has made a run for it, dashing through the doorway, however he is soon brought back by the guards. Henry looks up, his small piggy eyes hard & cruel:
“We see that an example needs to be made. This old man will do. ORF WITH HIS ‘EAD!”
The Doctor and the others look round in horror as a block is produced by two servants and an executioner enters wearing a mask and carrying a huge axe. Henry beckons him over:
“Here’s three gold sovereigns, now ensure that you take five chops to get his ‘ead orf”.
Katie is angry:
“You sadistic old bastard.”
Henry laughs:
“Such spirited fillies, ha ha .”
“Look, I cannot let you do this. This is like pointless” the Doctor exclaims.
“You’re behaving like a vulgar gangster rather than a member of the royal family” Ben adds.
Henry stares at Ben:
“Truly this knave is so pleasant of face he is as comely as a girl”.
Mount starts to shake and plead for mercy:
“Get his ‘ead orf” Henry shouts.
The guards force Mount onto the block and the executioner lifts the axe.
“NO!” shouts the Doctor, however the axe falls, slicing into Mount’s neck, severing sinew & bone. Four chops later & the head is fully off, blood cascading out.
“You should not have like done that ! You’ve made this personal now. I’m gonna stop you and your stinking allies” the Doctor shouts.
Henry laughs:
“ha ha, you Doctor are in no position to threaten. I think its time that you go to the block as well. ORF WITH HIS ‘EAD, HA HA HA HA…..”
The Doctor his manhandled towards the block, the executioner grinning……..

…………… be continued.

Tuesday, 21 April 2009

Hell's Kitchen with Marco Pierre White

This has been compulsive viewing. The man is completely bonkers . While Gordon Ramsay bullies food out of his staff by swearing at them Marco seems to prefer to use sinister looks, repetitive shouting and has a general demeanour of being about to lamp someone. Why on earth would anyone want to work in such a kitchen?

Sunday, 19 April 2009

10th Doctor to 11th Doctor: The regeneration scene

Ok, here is a 1st draft regeneration scene marking the debut of Matt Smith's Doctor:


The Doctor, Donna & Wilf are fleeing through the streets of London pursued by androids dressed as soldiers who are being used by the Master to stage a coup.

Wilf: I can’t go on Doctor. Leave me. Take Donna and go.

Donna: No way! We won’t leave you gramps.

The Doctor: You’ll just have to move faster old man!

Suddenly a car speeds up with men leaning out firing shots.

The Doctor: RUN!

They run down a side street and through some alleyways, emerging eventually onto Old Compton St in the heart of Soho.

Donna: Whew, looks like we’ve shaken them off. You okay gramps?

Wilf: No. I’m cream crackered and me leg’s gone numb.

The Doctor: Exercise is good for the old. If you don’t lose it you use it… or maybe the other way round.

Two black-clad women approach in skimpy skirts:

1st Woman: *to Doctor* Ere, you looking for company ducky?

Donna: I hardly think he’d be interested in you. Daft tart!

2nd Woman: Ere, who are you callin’ daft? Ugly cow.

1st woman: *To Wilf* Hows about we give you a good time *winks*

Wilf licks his lips, however the Doctor pushes him along.

The Doctor: Come team! We’ve no time to dally with street women. Onward!

They rush round a corner and into a bar.

The Doctor: Lets get some drinks and mingle with the customers. They won’t think to look for us in a bar.

Ordering the drinks, Donna notices that the people in the bar are all men.

Donna: Doctor, I think this is a gay bar.

Doctor: So what, lets mingle.

The Doctor grabs an attractive young man and they start to kiss. However as they do so, the man pulls out a knife. He stabs the Doctor in the stomach then pushes through the customers and leaves. As he does so, he phones the Master on his mobile.

Man: Target located and eliminated .

Donna & Wilf help the injured Doctor out of the bar and into a corridor, next to the toilets.

Several men are engaging in sexual activity near the door.

Donna: Ere, go and do that somewhere else. There’s an injured man here and I don’t want to have to gawp at your whatsanamy business at this crucial moment. Oh no, its starting!

The Doctor collapses and regenerates into the 11th Doctor played by Matt Smith.

Donna: Doctor, Doctor….. Are you ok? Love the new floppy hair.

One of the men in the corridor: Vast improvement, I must say.
The Doctor: Where… where am I?

Donna: In a bar surrounded by horny men who seem to fancy your new body.

The Doctor: I must be in heaven………

……………….. THE END

Anonymous: re your comment.....

..... that I should get , "a life, a girlfriend or possibly both". You are of course entitled to your opinion, however it might carry a tad more integrity with it were you not to hide your identity.
As to the nature of this blog, well if it is not to your taste then I suggest you do something else other than read it.