Sunday, 18 November 2007

My letter to DWM

Dear DWM team,

I would like to compliment you on an interesting and well written DWM 389. Despite a continued over-concentration on the new series and the rather mundane Sarah Jane Adventures, the article on 'Destiny of the Daleks' was excellent and well researched and I have enjoyed the comic strip, 'The First'.
However I would like to suggest that you include some articles on Ben Chatham , if only a few reviews of his latest adventures. Ben is the most important Doctor Who spin-off character and I'm sure many fans would be pleased to see him featured in your magazine.

Thursday, 15 November 2007

"NEMESIS" Part 8 : The conclusion!

"NEMESIS: Part 8"

The aliens pour out of the ship, reptilian creatures in strange transluscent uniforms. The signal is still being transmitted from the cryogenic chamber. As the Nazi guards see them approaching, they open fire. A battle commences between the Nazi forces and the aliens - with SS elite troops encircling the invaders and attempting to fight their way onto the ship. The aliens blast at the house from the ship, causing part of the roof to fall in.Inside the building, Hitler is pacing up and down:
"What is the meaning of this? What are these reptilian scum?"
Hoffman tries to explain:
"Mein fuhrer, ven mein father placed you in the chamber in 1945, he had to remove a creature from it first. These things fit zie same description. Clearly zie creature vas launched into space in some kind of attempt to find a new vorld. Ven you revived it must have sent some kind of signal for them to come."
Hitler is furious:"Mein Gott! Vie must crush the invaders like the filth they are. Lower than zie Russian schwein!"
"Yes Mein fuhrer!"

As the battle rages on, for several hours, UNIT forces arrive, contacted by Torchwood,with Ben, Kyle and Katie arriving in a UNIT van. The UNIT forces attack the aliens from the rear, blasting the ship with massive bazookas as the SS throw grenades through the entrance. Kyle joins in the fighting while Ben and Katie sit watching the scene with the UNIT officers. Suddenly the ship explodes, sending everyone scurrying for cover. Out in space, the alien fleet leaves, their commanders deciding that earth is not a safe place to land. However, as the UNIT forces prepare to enter the house, they find themselves surrounded on all sides by SS and regular Nazi troops. Hoffman marches from the house.
"Excellent verk men. These vill make excellent bargaining material. Round them all up and herd them into that storage varehouse."'

They are forced into the half-empty warehouse, Ben and Katie included. Kyle meanwhile has managed to hide behind a large, smouldering hunk of the ship and is unseen. As they enter the warehouse, Hoffman has Ben & Katie brought forward.
"These two vill come vith me."
Inside the house again, they are ushered into Hoffman's drawing room, where Hitler sits listening to Wagner's 'Prelude to Lohengrin'. He looks up:
"Ah, it is the strident blonde youth again. Come and sit down. Have some coffee."
Ben looks distainfully at him:
"If I must join you, I'd like some brandy please."
Hoffman is angered:
"You insolent schvein! The fuhrer does not approve of drink!"
However Hitler waves his hand:
"It is no problem. Give the boy and his madschen whatever they like."
Ben has a large brandy and Katie a vodka and orange. Ben is resolute:
"You'll never escape Hitler! UNIT and regular British troops will be surrounding this place as we speak. Why not give up?"
Hitler will have none of it:
"I will use the prisoners as hostages until I am given an aircraft to fly me out of this country."
Ben is having none of it:
"There is nowhere for you to go. Most Germans of today hate you and I think just about any country you tried to go to would arrest you instantly. You are despised as a mass racist murderer. Just give up."
Hitler is angered:
"Surely some of the German volk continue to honour my memory."
"Only a few skinheads in the Eastern part. Not many others. Look Hitler, why not have a brandy, chill out a bit and then surrender."

As he speaks, the window crashes through and someone leaps through and grabs Hitler as he rises. Its Kyle, with a knife pilfered from a fallen Nazi:
"Ok, let your prisoners go or 'e gets it in the neck".
Ben has a better idea:
"Hoffman, send out a message of surrender to the army, by ordering your men to drop their weapons and leave the house with their hands raised. Or Kyle here will knife your fuhrer , and he will do it, he's from a council estate."
The nazis begin to surrender and troops move into the building. Kyle lets Hitler sit down as the UK soldiers enter the room. However as he sits down, Hitler pulls something from his pocket:
"Ah, you think you mongrelised British can hold me! That chamber was not the only alien technology we have. Aufidersehn.... for now."
Hitler presses a button on the device and beams away to destination unknown.

Later, back in the Mermaid Wine Bar in Cambridge, Ben, Katie and Kyle are discussing the adventure.
"So where do you recon he went to?" Kyle asks. Ben sips an absinthe:
"Who knows."
Katie chips in:
"Lets hope its somewhere peaceful where he can live out the rest of his life with no hassle."
Ben is irritated:"Katie, its Hitler. It would be better for the world if he were to stand trial."
Suddenly a guy brushes past Ben carrying drinks and some spills out onto Ben who is irritated:
"Hey watch it , idiot!"
The man scowls:
"Sorry, but that was an accident. And my name isn't idiot, its Leonard. Leonard Hatred to you!"
"Leave it Ben",
Kyle advises. As the man walks away, Ben looks at him:
"Mmmm nice rear."
This irritates Katie:"Ben when are you going to stop this sort of thing."
Ben scowls at her:"Look Katie, if you're uncomfortable with gay people, just go."
Katie throws her drink at Ben who shouts at her to go again and she stomps off to the bar. Seeing the guy there again she slinks up to him:
"So hi Leonard. *Placing her hand on his leg* so what brings you to Cambridge......."

..... THE END

The Onward March of Dimness

The average 16-18 year old these days has 1/3 less words in their vocabulary than 20 years ago. Partly this is due to their complete inability to read books. As a teacher I find all of this incredibly frustrating.

Sunday, 11 November 2007

Cast Kyle

OK, I'm looking for suggested actors to play Kyle in my Ben Chatham/Doctor Who stories. All suggestions appreciated.

Ho hum, work again tomorrow

I need a holiday. Autumn is cold , wet and dark, not a time of year to be working.

"NEMESIS" Part 7

"NEMESIS" Part 7

Ben, Katie and Kyle are in the holding cell, awaiting possible execution. Katie is on edge:
"How the **** are we going to get out of this. *Bangs hands on door* ."
Ben sighs:
"Calm down Katie. Theres no use in us losing it. We need to think this through."
She glowers at him:"Whats to think through. We're stuck in here waiting for some crazed Krauts to come and shoot us and you got us into this."
Meanwhile, Kyle is surrupticiously picking at the lock with a device he had concealed within his trainer.
"Dan it! We're out. Cam on."
He slowly opens the door and they quietly move out and down the winding corridor. They find a store room and a door that leads outside into a yard. Kyle scales a wall and Ben helps Katie up before scaling it himself. They run off across the windswept moorland until they reach a road. They wave down a car and ask the driver where he is going:
"Just driving up to Cardiff boyo" says the bearded man inside.
"Perfect" Ben replies cheerfully.

When they arrive in Cardiff, Ben contacts Captain Jack Harkness and his Torchwood team. Ben recounts what has happened to a disbelieving Jack, however he eventually realises that it is no wind up.
"So Hitler is alive. Wow, is this serious."
While Ben is with Torchwood, he leaves Kyle and Katie in a wine bar having ordered them drinks and food. Katie is unimpressed:
"I'm not happy with Ben just leaving us here while he goes off to meet these people. As if its all some big secret we're not allowed into."
Kyle is more reconciled:
"He must 'av 'is reasons."
"Yeah, trust you to agree with him. You do realise that you're not Ben's type at all don't you? You probably amuse him in some way." Katie replies.
"Look, I've told you it ain't like that."
Katie smirks:"If you say so. Anyway, Kyle, how do you like the food Ben has ordered?"
"Not much." kyle replies. Katie erupts into laughter and tips back on her chair:
"ha ha.... I thought you wouldn't.... more of a big mac boy I'd imagine.... ha ha".
Kyle glowers:"Look 'ere we are just 'avin escaped from Nazis and all you do is make snobby digs at me. Me 'an Ben are friends, I ain't tryin' to come between you an' im, although what you 'ave goin together seems pretty weird to me."
Katie scowls:"I think I know a fair bit more about Ben than you do, chavboy."
They sit in silence until Ben returns. He sits down and pours a glass of wine which he knocks back.
"mmmm lovely this, for cheap red. Come on you two, cheer up."

Meanwhile, the alien ships near the earth and begin to enter the atmosphere. The scout ship lands in Cornwall, near the Nazi base. On board, the ship commander speaks:"The signal tells us that Isar has revived. Which means that this planet must be suitable for colonisation.........

to be continued

Wednesday, 7 November 2007

Deleted Doctor Who VHS stories I have recently bought from ebay:

1) Shada
2) The Horns of Nimon
3) The Masque of Mandragora
4) Silver Nemesis
5) Meglos

"NEMESIS" part 6

"NEMESIS: Part 6"

As they are invited to view the cryogenic chamber by Hoffman, they are shocked to see...Adolf Hitler!
Ben siezes his chance and lunges at one of the guards while Kyle wrestles another to the ground. As Hoffman reaches for the alarm on the wall, Katie tries to pull him back, however he grabs her and throws her off. Katie smashes into the cryogenic chamber and inadvertantly elbows a set of switches on the side. It begins to hum and a strange glow is emitted. More Nazis arrive and quickly overpower Ben and Kyle. Hoffman shouts:
"Mein Gott" Vat have you done. Zie Fuhrer!"
Suddenly the glass top of the Chamber begins to open and Hitler's eyes flicker open. Hoffman and the other Nazis gasp and fawn as Hitler begins to revive and slowly sits up:
"So, the time has come. Help me out of here." Hitler says. He speaks in German, however Ben can understand him as he is still linked to the TARDIS translator.
"The Fourth Reich has arrived yes? What year is it?"
Hoffman looks worried:
"Shortly mein fuhrer, shortly.. It is the year 2007."
"Oh, it has been this long? Still it is good to see that the 21st century belongs to Germany."

Ben is angry and steps in:
"That is factually innacurate Hitler. The USA and China are the most powerful countries in the world. Germany is just part of the EU. Also Israel is one of the most powerful states in the middle east. Your Nazi plans achieved nothing. You are remembered as a mass murderer"
Hitler stares at him menacingly:
"And who are you? You remind me of one of my fine blond SS bodyguards, except your hair needs a cut. That length of hair is degenerate."
Ben is hurt:"
How dare you say that about my hair. At least I don't look like Charlie Chaplin and shout every sentence in a loud and vulgar manner."
Hoffman is furious:
"How dare you insult zie fuhrer. Take them away. Zie vill be shot!"
Ben, Katie and Kyle are thrown back into a cell within the complex.
"What were you sayin' to 'im in German?" Kyle asks:
"Just putting him straight on a few things. We must get out of here as Hitler's revival may force the Nazis into drastic action of some kind."

Meanwhile, back in the cryogenic chamber room, the chamber is still glowing and begins to transmit a signal. Out in deep space, on a far distant planet, a computer locks onto the earth's co-ordinates. It prepares to beam to earth a landing party of alien beings..........

to be continued

Sunday, 4 November 2007

Bonfire Night!

I love Bonfire Night. What a shame so many local displays are falling foul of wet , PC 'health & safety' laws. A bit of common sense is all that is needed.

Important Announcement: 2009 Specials pitch!

Following the completion of the Ben Chatham Annual with 'Nemesis', my next project will be my pitch for the three 2009 specials. The first will follow on from 'Mirror Mirror on the Wall..." and be a sequel to 'Invasion of the Dinosaurs.'

Marking holding up work on 'Nemesis'

I've had to do two piles today. The next parts of Nemesis will not be finished until the end of the week at least. Maybe I could reduce my hours and write more Who if a fund were organised to sponsor me.

Thursday, 1 November 2007

Obese women in skin-tight leggings

It does puzzle me why ladies of a certain size still where such attire. I saw one this evening.

How to measure a good History essay:

1) Does it have a clear introduction and conclusion.

2) Has the writer successfully learned all the key facts within the topic and included them.

3) Does the essay establish an answer to the set question?

4) Is this answer the correct one, ie the one that the teacher has told them?

5) On a scale of one to ten, is the essay above 8 in terms of grammatical accuracy?

EXCLUSIVE Blog story: "Mirror, Mirror on the Wall...."

This story is set after 'Nemesis' and explains why Ben returns for a while to travelling with the 10th Doctor:

"Mirror Mirror on the Wall....."

Ben wakes up one morning after a particularly unsettled night of broken sleep. He kept dreaming of Nimons and other strange creatures that the Doctor had told him about. Putting it down to an unpleasant evening in 'Zanzer' , the new Cambridge gay club where a teenager in eyeliner had called him a, "sad tosser", Ben drags himself to the bathroom and stares into the mirror.
"Mmmm at least I still look good", he muses to himself, stroking his long, blonde locks and smooth cheeks.
Suddenly he feels himself being pulled into the mirror. Ben struggles in horror, however a strange, malevolent, unseen force pulls him through the looking glass into a strange, black place with silver framed mirrors and still, silent human-size toy soldiers. Ben is alarmed as it isn't normal to be pulled into mirrors. He hears the sound of laughter all around and feels himself floating on a wind of dark heat, yet still standing in this strange, beguiling room.
Suddenly Kyle and Katie Ryan appear. They are writhing in agony and begging Ben to help them. However when he approaches, they vanish.

Eventually Ben sees the figure of an elderly humanoid, dressed in gold approaching:
"I am the cosmic guardian of all who pass through the mirror into the land of eternal dreams" it says. Ben realises that he has been attacked by some occult force playing tricks with his mind:
"You can't fool me magician! I reject your illusion!" He shouts.
Ben finds himself back in the bathroom of his apartment. However he is shaking with fear:
"This is very wrong. Some occult force is trying to kill me." he thinks to himself.

Ben realises that the time is right to contact the Doctor and return to the TARDIS. He wakes up Kyle, who was kipping on Ben's sofa, and texts Katie.
"Something dark and sinister is afoot" he tells them.....

The epic Ben Chatham story "NEMESIS"

OK folks, here it is, the final epic story in the 2008 Annual. I think this may well be my finest Ben story to date:

"NEMESIS"part one:

Ben wakes up in his Cambridge apartment with a thumping headache. On the bedside table are several empty glasses and wine bottles while Katie is asleep in the bed beside him.
"Oh no, what have I done again",
Ben thinks to himself and he drags himself to the bathroom and stares vacantly into the mirror. His beauty is undiminished, although his dark, dreamy eyes are slightly hazy .
"I must stop doing this to myself. I need a proper relationship." He thinks to himself.
He hears the door buzzer go and , thinking it must be the postman with a parcel, forces himself into the lounge and to the door. However he is shocked to open the door and see Kyle:
"Awight mate, good ta see ya."
Ben is puzzled, "Er, hello Kyle."
"Thought I'd surprise ya. Well like, ya said that I should visit you in Cambridge sometime."
"Oh ehm right. Ehm, you'd better come in."

Kyle bounds in and looks around the flat enthused:
"Ere lovely pad this. An you got your own little bar area."
Katie is emerging from the bedroom rubbing her head.
"Oh hello. Ben said he'd been having problems with one of the taps in the bathroom. Its through there, probably the washer gone."
Kyle looks bemused. Ben steps in: "Oh no, he's not the plumber, Kyle's a friend".
Katie is confused:"You mean to say that you know this person socially? Hang on... no.... you idiot Ben, you mean to say that you're seeing rent boys? And you slept with me you ****"
*throws a cushion at Ben*.
Kyle is offended:"Whats she mean rentboy & plumber? Stuck up cow."
"Well I can see that Ben hasn't invited you here for the intellectual conversation." Katie retorts: "Still I suppose you need the money for glue & plastic bags."
Ben steps in again:"Look he's someone I met in London. I said he could stay if he was ever in Cambridge, I didn't actually think he'd take me up on it...."
Kyle is furious:"I ain't stoppin' ere. **** you!"

He strides out, slamming the door behind him .Katie elegantly sits herself down on Ben's sofa:
"Its for the best. Foul mouthed . *wiping a speck of dust off her knee* I knew you were confused Ben but this is very sad".
Ben turns on her:
"That was awful. He isn't a rent boy and I shouldn't have said that last thing. Look just go Katie, ok."
Katie gets up:"What you need is to sort your head out. You need a good woman to straighten you out and you know it!"
"Just GO".Ben holds the door open while Katie gathers up her things and flounces out.

After a shower and a poached egg , Ben puts on some nice clothes and heads off into town. He has an appointment with Professor Hoffman, one of his old lecturers, to discuss some research work he'd been doing for the university at Avebury. As he walks down the road, he spots Kyle waiting at the bus stop. He goes over:
"Hi, look, I'm sorry about Katie."
"**** off".
"Ok I'm sorry about saying that I didn't really want you to come. Its just a surprise thats all, I mean it must be a long way for someone of your.. means to fork out for."
"You and your bird just think I'm filth. Actually I didn't cam ere because of you, I'm in a spot of bovver an this just seemed an easy way outa Landon for a bit thats all. An I hitched most of the way."
"Katie isn't my 'bird'. Its complicated. And you're in trouble? What kind of trouble?"
"Whats it to you?"
"Are you on the run from the police?"
Kyle is angry:"As it 'appens no. My mates, well kinda mates, thought it'd be a larf to rob some bloke in a car park camin' out of this flash motor. Turns out he worked for Des Hutcheson."
Ben is confused:"Des Hutcheson?"
"Don't you know naffink? He owns 'alf of the protection rackets in Sarf London".
"So lets get this straight. You were out with your lowbrow so-called mates when they mug a man who works for one of London's top gangsters. And you had to get out of there fast for a while, so you thought you'd come here as no one would know where you were. Good grief!"
"Well you needn't worry, I'm goin' back."
Ben takes a reluctant sigh:"No you're not. Look I'm sorry for what Katie said. You can stay for a while. I have an appointment at noon, lets have a bit of breakfast in town first."

Later that morning, Ben & Kyle are punting down the Cam.
"I haven't done this since I was a student", Ben muses, "I don't suppose going to Cambridge was ever part of your life expectation."
Kyle is looking all around at the buildings and students sitting by the river.Suddenly, as they pass under a bridge, the punt hits something hard. Ben looks down and is shocked to see....... a body in the water!

- to be continued