OK folks, here it is, part one of the series finale:
Episode 12: Cyborg
Having left the dead PM where they found him, the Doctor , Donna & Ben set off in the TARDIS for Fullerton Research Centre in Wiltshire, the main HQ of New World Enterprises. The Doctor is determined to either confront Poole head on or at least get to the heart of his organisation. However before landing something goes wrong, the TARDIS shudders and swirls and once landed the Doctor finds that they have been diverted off course and are several miles away from the Centre. The Doctor is concerned: "There is no force in the universe that can put up a barrier to the TARDIS. Only Time Lord technology could do that.... but no thats impossible.... unless the Master..... but no he can't be...."
Leaving the TARDIS they find that they have landed in the grounds of Foxglove Farm, a rescue centre for old & unwanted horses run by young Abby Simpson and her brother Carl. It is early morning and the Simpsons are feeding the horses. Engaging in conversation they learn that New World Enterprises are trying to purchase the farm in order to build a second facility on the site and that there has been underhanded pressurising going on, "several of the horses have been killed at night in an effort to force us out. Of course we can't prove it but we're planning a protest today, a march to their centre." Ben meanwhile is chatting to Carl about horsebreeding and finds himself attracted to the young, dark-haired Cambridge graduate.
After a hearty country breakfast the Doctor, Donna and Ben join Abby, Carl and around 50 supporters who have turned up to march to the Centre. They are carrying makeshift placards. Arriving at the gates they are told to clear off by security guards. Ben asks Carl to try and storm the gates and using the diversion created, Donna & the Doctor scale the perimeter fence in another area and make for the buildings. Sneaking in through a side door, they wind through a series of clinical, bland, hospital like corridors. Meanwhile, the police arrive in force and use batons to clear the demonstrators, bashing Abby to the ground and kicking her unconscious. Ben is intrigued that the police are so violent and concludes that the local police must be in the pocket of Poole's organisation.
Returning back to the farm, they hear the sound of frightened horses and running to the stables see a hooded figure firing a laser gun at a horse and killing it. Carl runs up and finding a pitchfork skewers it. However the hooded thing staggers and removes the fork, tossing it to oneside. Carl is shocked to see it has a metallic head underneith the hood.
Back in the Research Centre, The Doctor and Donna are shocked to hear a voice calling their names: "Oh Doctor! Donna! We've been expecting you. I knew our little delaying tactic would only be a temporary postponement. Please come in." The Doctor is angry: "Ok, whatever you are, wherever you are. Do you mind telling us where to go?" "Why the second door on the left in front of you. Come on in and have a civilised drink."Donna feistily leads the way and stomps through the door and gasps. The whole room is full of high tech gadgetry and massive computer stacks. On a huge plasma screen , a man in a business suit can be seen. "Hello again Doctor. Long time no see. You might find me rather upgraded shall we say since our last meeting. I'm the boss. The computer. "But the Doctor isn't having it:"Hang on old bean, or should I say old chip. That force that diverted my TARDIS was beyond and technology that could have developed, fallen, been left, lost or lent to this world. And who the hell rebuilt you anyway after the Global Chemicals business?""That was my doing I'm afraid" a voice says.
The Doctor & Donna turn to see Stephen Poole and several armed men.
In Poole's office, The Doctor & Donna are offered drinks, which they refuse."Oh Doctor, you really shouldn't be so churlish. Anyway, its all very simple you see. I've done my bit as they say. The boss really is the boss, or at least will be after tomorrow. Then I take a back seat. Its so much easier this time round with the internet and so forth. Tomorrow one computer system takes over the entire planet. At last this pathetic, chaotic world will have some order, efficiency and uniformity placed on it. "Donna is angry: "Why the hell would you want to see a machine running the world?"Poole smiles: "For fun my dear. Oh don't look so shocked. You see I just think its the human destiny to be regulated. And enhanced. Upgraded even! Its clearly happened elsewhere.... I'm just moving things on a little.... for the pleasure of it shall we say. I'm only a backseat driver. Its intriguing. The Doctor understands me if you can't. He's as fascinated with humans as I am."
"What does he mean upgraded?" Donna asks the Doctor. The Doctor looks very worried.
"The future of the human race." Poole gloats, grinning. "After all, it happens in other universes..."The Doctor stands up. "Who are you?" Poole grins. "Haven't you guessed? I've been called many things but as I love the contemplative life, the Monk will suffice. Its how you knew me before my regeneration."
"But you couldn't have survived the Time War!"
"Oh but I did. Slipped sideways shall we say. Into another universe where I saw the future of the human race. And I knew that I'd have to help them along a bit in this one. Its been a fascinating journey."
"What future"? Donna asks.
"This"
A door opens and in walks a figure which, athough different in design, clearly resembles...........
- a Cyberman!
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Episode 12: Cyborg
Oh god, what a crap name.
The Cybermen are going to be in it, aren't they?
So, the villains we've had this year are:
Giant worms
Henry VIII
Giant plants
Silurians
Sea Devils
A Royalist Landowner
A Black Magic Expert
A Corrupt Alien Regime
Giant rats
A suicidal PM
And now Cybermen
Out of these 11, 6 had no dialogue and the rest were cameo appearances!
Having left the dead PM where they found him
Shows that he was right, no one did care about him.
I can't believe Donna would be so callous, or that Ben wouldn't take off his shirt to cover the body.
, the Doctor , Donna & Ben set off in the TARDIS for Fullerton Research Centre in Wiltshire, the main HQ of New World Enterprises.
Why doesn't NWE have any bases OUTSIDE of the UK?
The Doctor is determined to either confront Poole head on or at least get to the heart of his organisation.
Surely both? Surely Poole IS the heart of the organization, since he can travel through time...
However before landing something goes wrong, the TARDIS shudders and swirls and once landed the Doctor finds that they have been diverted off course and are several miles away from the Centre. The Doctor is concerned: "There is no force in the universe that can put up a barrier to the TARDIS. Only Time Lord technology could do that.... but no thats impossible.... unless the Master..... but no he can't be...."
Ahem?
It happened easily enough in The Awakening. And Pyramids of Mars. And Dalek.
God, this is so weak!
It's a palid rewrite of Not Alone.
Leaving the TARDIS they find that they have landed in the grounds of Foxglove Farm, a rescue centre for old & unwanted horses run by young Abby Simpson and her brother Carl.
A woman?
Are you feeling quite well?
It is early morning and the Simpsons are feeding the horses.
Riiight.
You realize of course this is episode twelve and everything must be relevant towards sorting out the story arc of the previous eleven?
Engaging in conversation they learn that New World Enterprises are trying to purchase the farm in order to build a second facility on the site and that there has been underhanded pressurising going on, "several of the horses have been killed at night in an effort to force us out. Of course we can't prove it but we're planning a protest today, a march to their centre."
Why are they telling the Doctor this? Shouldn't they be worried he's a spy?
And yet again, NWE has the subtelty of brick. They're begging to be investigated.
In fact, why didn't Poole travel through time and change history so he has ALWAYS owned the land?
Why does he want land anyway?
Ben meanwhile is chatting to Carl about horsebreeding and finds himself attracted to the young, dark-haired Cambridge graduate.
Give me a fucking break.
a) the chances of stumbling into another young, dark-haired Cambridge graduate is shockingly low
b) I thought Ben was heartbroken after the last young, dark-haired Cambridge graduate was eaten by giant woodvoles
c) If Abby is young and her brother is young, that makes Ben a child molester!
Sparacus, what are you DOING?!?
Not even I would do that to Chatham!
After a hearty country breakfast the Doctor, Donna and Ben join Abby, Carl and around 50 supporters who have turned up to march to the Centre.
So, the family isn't THAT poor then?
They are carrying makeshift placards.
Surely the Doctor would be warning them off on the ground that protestors at NWE tend to be eaten by ravenous monsters from beyond the edge of understanding?
Arriving at the gates they are told to clear off by security guards. Ben asks Carl to try and storm the gates and using the diversion created, Donna & the Doctor scale the perimeter fence in another area and make for the buildings.
Why did they not just go to Torchwood? Maybe use Jack's teleport?
Sneaking in through a side door, they wind through a series of clinical, bland, hospital like corridors. Meanwhile, the police arrive in force and use batons to clear the demonstrators, bashing Abby to the ground and kicking her unconscious.
Police brutality!
Not a chance this would get on TV in a kid's show. I refer you to the Auton policeman fiasco of 1972.
Ben is intrigued
Hey, your boyfriend's sister is getting the crap beaten out of her! DO SOMETHING!
that the police are so violent and concludes that the local police must be in the pocket of Poole's organisation.
Wow. I mean, being TOLD that point blank in episode six justifies you not doing a thing...
Returning back to the farm, they hear the sound of frightened horses and running to the stables see a hooded figure firing a laser gun at a horse and killing it.
Right. More animal death.
And using laser guns instead of, say, bullets.
Carl runs up and finding a pitchfork skewers it. However the hooded thing staggers and removes the fork, tossing it to oneside. Carl is shocked to see it has a metallic head underneith the hood.
You ripped me off, Sparacus! The whole cloaked Cyberman is right out of my blog stories, as Jared will attest.
HOW DARE YOU, SIR?!
Back in the Research Centre, The Doctor and Donna are shocked to hear a voice calling their names: "Oh Doctor! Donna! We've been expecting you. I knew our little delaying tactic would only be a temporary postponement. Please come in." The Doctor is angry: "Ok, whatever you are, wherever you are. Do you mind telling us where to go?" "Why the second door on the left in front of you. Come on in and have a civilised drink."
Oh, GOD!
WHY IS EVERYONE A FUCKING ALCOHOLIC?!
Donna feistily
STOP USING THAT WORD!!!
leads the way and stomps through the door and gasps. The whole room is full of high tech gadgetry and massive computer stacks.
So?
On a huge plasma screen , a man in a business suit can be seen. "Hello again Doctor. Long time no see. You might find me rather upgraded shall we say since our last meeting. I'm the boss. The computer."
Oh, god this is a rip off of Stangeness!
And BOSS was blown up by Stephens!
But the Doctor isn't having it:"Hang on old bean, or should I say old chip.
You were blown to pieces!
That force that diverted my TARDIS was beyond and technology that could have developed, fallen, been left, lost or lent to this world.
Yes, that's it Doctor, shout it out.
And who the hell rebuilt you anyway after the Global Chemicals business?"
"That was my doing I'm afraid" a voice says.
The Doctor & Donna turn to see Stephen Poole and several armed men.
In Poole's office, The Doctor & Donna are offered drinks, which they refuse."Oh Doctor, you really shouldn't be so churlish. Anyway, its all very simple you see. I've done my bit as they say. The boss really is the boss, or at least will be after tomorrow. Then I take a back seat. Its so much easier this time round with the internet and so forth. Tomorrow one computer system takes over the entire planet. At last this pathetic, chaotic world will have some order, efficiency and uniformity placed on it.
Oh God. This is Stangeness all over again.
Donna is angry: "Why the hell would you want to see a machine running the world?"Poole smiles: "For fun my dear. Oh don't look so shocked. You see I just think its the human destiny to be regulated. And enhanced. Upgraded even! Its clearly happened elsewhere.... I'm just moving things on a little.... for the pleasure of it shall we say. I'm only a backseat driver. Its intriguing. The Doctor understands me if you can't. He's as fascinated with humans as I am."
Oh for fuck's sake!
"What does he mean upgraded?" Donna asks the Doctor. The Doctor looks very worried.
"The future of the human race." Poole gloats, grinning. "After all, it happens in other universes..."
Dear fucking Christ...
The Doctor stands up. "Who are you?" Poole grins. "Haven't you guessed? I've been called many things but as I love the contemplative life, the Monk will suffice. Its how you knew me before my regeneration."
Before that, moron. They were on Gallifrey together.
"But you couldn't have survived the Time War!"
"Oh but I did. Slipped sideways shall we say. Into another universe where I saw the future of the human race. And I knew that I'd have to help them along a bit in this one. Its been a fascinating journey."
How did he get back, then?
"What future"? Donna asks.
"This"
A door opens and in walks a figure which, athough different in design, clearly resembles...........
- a Cyberman!
So the Cybermen, BOSS and the Meddling Monk have allied themselves to recreate the plot of The Green Death.
Jesus fucking Christ, you have no talent. Stop writing this stuff.
No one will EVER make it!
A door opens and in walks a figure which, athough different in design, clearly resembles...........
- a Cyberman!
I especially like this bit. Because it suggests that we aren't even getting proper Cybermen... just morons that look a bit like Cybermen..
You ripped me off, Sparacus! The whole cloaked Cyberman is right out of my blog stories, as Jared will attest.
Oh, bloody hell, now I'm on the stand...
Wait... hang on... is this a reference to The Apocalypse? Or C-day? Because, yes, they have Cybermen in disguise.
Yes, The first episode of Apocalypse, notable for a Cyberman running around the place in a cloak.
Oh, how shameful your degradation is, Spara!
Frankly, I've half a mind to boycott this site.
If I do, it'll be a ghost town.
No one bar me, Jared and Bernie still posts here...
That does it.
Three more hours then I boycott this blog forever unless I get some kind of acknowledgement over the whole comic strip stuff. See how damn popular you are with a blog no one visits. Cos it's just you and me nowadays, and it'd be pretty sad to be just you.
...sigh...
Since this is no doubt the last thing I'll post here, I''l make some final points.
Having read all of Spara's work, I can honestly say that there is a tiny little part of it that is both good and original.
Trouble is, the good bits aren't original and the original bits aren't good.
Finally, I can only think back to that first thread back in 05 that started all this.
And I am reminded of Sherwood Anderson, acclaimed American short story writer, who sums up my feelings about Sparacus SO well...
No one asked you to be a writer.
It would have been better if Ben had had a twenty minute conversation with an out of date cheese string and Donna had spent her time smelling her own farts. The Doctor meanwhile has accidently broken his foot and is trying to set it using some heavy sarcasm. Cyborg is a crap name by the way. Why not call the episode "Bumpity Bump, Smell My Rump." Yes or "Granny Granite, gonna get my ass. Don't you cry no more Granite Granny" They are much better titles. Actually.
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