Monday 6 August 2007

Season 4 pitch: the next two episodes

Anyway, here is the next part of my pitch folks:

Episode 9: The Rats of Tenbury

1st part of a two part story

The TARDIS lands near the village of Tenbury in Suffolk where Ben is keen to visit the newly discovered site of a Saxon ship burial. "This is potentially more important than Sutton Hoo" he enthuses to Donna as he sips on an absinthe in the TARDIS lounge. Leaving the TARDIS, they walk to the site only to find it fenced off with police tape. They learn from the police that there has been an 'incident' at the site. Later in the local pub, the Dog and Hedgehog, a local named Pete tells them that he's heard that the chief archaeologist Brian Ford has been found murdered with a saxon sword.
Ben is upset as Brian had been one of his lecturers at Cambridge and has a few too many glasses of cognac. The young barman, James, advises Ben that he has had enough and although Ben is angry, he finds himself attracted to James. James tells him that he has just finished his History degree at Oxford and is doing bar work before finding a proper career. Their eyes meet.

Meanwhile the Doctor & Donna are chatting to Pete, the beardy local. He informs them that there had been strange goings on at the dig even before the death; dark figures and shapes seen moving around Tenbury woods , next to the dig. The Doctor also learns that beyond the woods is a large chemicals plant owned by a company called New World Enterprises. The Doctor is concerned and fears the involvement of Poole. Ben is in no fit state to leave so he stays the night at the pub, helped to his room by James. Meanwhile Donna and the Doctor land the TARDIS just outside Tenbury woods for a snoop about. They walk among the trees but see nothing. Donna gets her legs scratched on some bramble and moans and they are about to go back when they hear a piercing scream. Rushing towards it, the Doctor sees a local tramp lying dead with his throat ripped out. He hears a massive scream from Donna and returning back finds her... gone.
He finds landrover tyre marks just outside the woods and sees the vehicle speeding off in the distance. The Doctor leaves a message on Ben's mobile to say he is going to the chemicals plant and lands the TARDIS in the grounds. His hunch is right as he sees Donna being bundled off into the building by two men.

Meanwhile, Ben wakes up in the early hours in bed with James, his head resting on James' firm chest. He realises that a rustling noise downstairs has woken him . James is also awake and they agree to go downstairs together to investigate. As they go downstairs they flick on the light and see a large animal scurry off out of the open door. The landlord is lying dead on the pub floor, horribly mutilated. Rushing back upstairs they look out of the window and see dark shapes scurrying around the lane outside. Ben recognises the shapes. The whole pub is surrounded by..... giant rats!


Episode 10: Lair


Ben & James call out for police help and Ben contacts UNIT. Meanwhile the Doctor has been caught by patrol guards at the chemicals plant and is marched off to a holding room. Eventually the plant Director named Cooper comes to interrogate them. The Doctor tells him not to bother with any piffle as he knows that the tramp in the woods was killed by some kind of ravenous mammal and would like to know how the chemicals plant has caused this. "Well you already know too much so a little more won't hurt before your demise" Cooper replies. It seems that the plant had been dumping waste products in the river that runs by the woods and that somehow the waste had been killing fish, yet caused rats and watervoles to become enlarged and aggressive. Brian Ford had been killed with the Saxon sword because he saw the rats. The Doctor is concerned as the river flows on right through the nearby town of Holmton. "If it reaches an urban rat population, they could kill hundreds. And if it spreads further... to London...."
However the Doctors fears are founded. In Holmton enlarged rats start coming up from the sewers in their hundreds, and attack shoppers in the High Street, going for the throats. Several babies are ripped from prams and devoured while the local Starbucks is overun with the ravenous vermin. In an outer housing estate a woman pegging out washing is attacked by a giant otter which bites off her lower arm, while more rats race down the streets.
Ben and James are rescued by UNIT and join the force as it heads towards Holmton to try and contain the town. Backed up by the army, the town is surrounded. However rats from Tenbury woods and further down the river's route are spreading out . Meabnwhile,at the chemicals plant the Doctor and Donna are taken out into an outside delivery yard to be shot. As they are being ordered to stand against a wall, the Doctor sees Stephen Poole's face looking at them from a window. However before the guards can shoot them there are shouts of panic from within the building. A giant rat has entered the complex by knawing through the perimeter fence and is running amok. The Doctor uses this as an excuse to floor the remaining guards with venusian martial arts moves, kicking their guns away, and he and Donna escape.
Making it to the TARDIS, they travel to Holmton, having read Ben's info texts. The Doctor persuades the UNIT Brigadier to have a sample dead rat and takes it to the TARDIS lab to work on isolating the chemical. Once found, he quickly produces a counter- compound. Ben bravely volunteers to enter the town with a sprayer and spray one of the rodents as a test. James insists on going to and they both set off. Turning a corner they see a large rat nibbling at a corpse. Ben suggests that they wait in a doorway for it to approach however James recklessly strides out into the street to spray it only to be attacked on all sides by other rats and killed. Ben rushes out and fires a jet of spray at the creatures before running. As he turns around he sees the rats dying.....

The test successful, UNIT and the army carpet spray the town and along the river's route to kill the remaining rats. Later Ben and the Doctor are shocked to discover that no action is to be taken against the chemicals plant for this 'accident' and that the PM , John Deerman, has ordered a national ban on media reporting of the incident 'for economic reasons'.Ben is upset at James' death, ' I told him to wait but he just ran out . We'd only just met and now he's gone and left me alone again'. His eyes fill with tears and Donna comforts him, stroking his lush blonde hair.
The Doctor says ominously that it is time to pay the PM, John Deerman, a visit.....

5 comments:

Youth of Australia said...

Dear God, why do you start these thing with "anyway"?

Christ, it's irritating.

Episode 9: The Rats of Tenbury
1st part of a two part story

The TARDIS lands near the village of Tenbury in Suffolk where Ben is keen to visit the newly discovered site of a Saxon ship burial.
Oh for crying out loud, Spara!

This is stupid!

They have Stephen Poole to worry about!

And even if they didn't, why does Ben want to check out an archaeological dig when he's got access to a time machine?

He can see the real thing first hand!

You're not even THINKING about this any more, are you?

"This is potentially more important than Sutton Hoo"
No, I think you'll find that Devil's End's Barrow was more important than Sutton Hoo!

he enthuses to Donna as he sips on an absinthe in the TARDIS lounge.
Oh, great. Given access to all of time and space, what does Ben do? Get drunk on a sofa...

Leaving the TARDIS, they walk to the site only to find it fenced off with police tape. They learn from the police that there has been an 'incident' at the site.
What sort of incident? Why don't they simply use the TARDIS to jump back in time before the incident happened?

Surely Ben Chatham's innumerable contacts with OD, UNIT and Torchwood should come in handy here?

Later in the local pub, the Dog and Hedgehog, a local named Pete tells them that he's heard that the chief archaeologist Brian Ford has been found murdered with a saxon sword.
Christ... Boring! Boring, boring boring. More male characters, off-screen murders, the whole thing stinks of a Ben Chatham spin off adventure.

Ben is upset as Brian had been one of his lecturers at Cambridge and has a few too many glasses of cognac.
He's been mixing red wine and absinthe?!

What a piss head!

And seriously, how many friends Ben had at Cambridge are still alive? They all seem to die horribly when Ben is around.

The young barman, James
Another man!

, advises Ben that he has had enough and although Ben is angry, he finds himself attracted to James.
Oi! What about Nick? And Jamie? And Jake? Can't Ben stay true to ANYONE? I mean, apart from anything else, Ben is utterly wasted and falls in love with the barman chucking him out?

Dude, when I said Ben Chatham had no presence in your stories, I didn't want this!!

James tells him that he has just finished his History degree at Oxford and is doing bar work before finding a proper career.
How fucking convenient!

And apparent bar work is not a proper job, you snob.

"You've had too much to drink sir!"
"I hate you!"
"But I have a degree from Oxford."
"I love you."

What a credible conversation betwixt drunk and barman.

Ben has just managed to annoy and simultaneously seduce yet ANOTHER young man who's not only gay but has a degree.

I mean, statistically speaking, this is getting ridiculously unlikely.

Their eyes meet.
Bullshit!

This is supposed to be Doctor Who! If you can't keep your stupid spin off under control, you definitely have no chance of writing for the real thing.

Meanwhile the Doctor & Donna are chatting to Pete, the beardy local.
Oh, good to know.

I mean, we wouldn't want anything exciting to happen.

He informs them that there had been strange goings on at the dig even before the death; dark figures and shapes seen moving around Tenbury woods , next to the dig.
Boring! This is straight out Earthspan, Operation Delta, Witchbone, AND Stangeness!

WRITE SOMETHING NEW!

The Doctor also learns that beyond the woods is a large chemicals plant owned by a company called New World Enterprises. The Doctor is concerned and fears the involvement of Poole.
Big fucking surprise!

Are you actually going to DO anything about it this time?

Has he forgotten the events of the Silurian two-parter?

Why does everyone in your stories have attention defecit disorder?

Ben is in no fit state to leave so he stays the night at the pub, helped to his room by James.
Oh, give us a break. Kick him out into the gutter and let him sober up!

Meanwhile Donna and the Doctor land the TARDIS just outside Tenbury woods for a snoop about.
Yet again, why do you always have the TARDIS arrive miles away from the action, requiring them to use it to travel to where the action is?

It is BORING!

They walk among the trees but see nothing. Donna gets her legs scratched on some bramble and moans
What? She's not wearing trousers?

You think she's still in her wedding dress or something?

I just don't get it. The first thing Donna does in the story is sob and complain that her leg is scratched?

WHY?!?

and they are about to go back when they hear a piercing scream. Rushing towards it, the Doctor sees a local tramp lying dead with his throat ripped out.
ANOTHER man?

Still, not a teenage girl...

He hears a massive scream from Donna and returning back finds her... gone.
Shock.

He finds landrover tyre marks just outside the woods and sees the vehicle speeding off in the distance.
You've just had her abducted by an MIB car?!

Are you even WRITING this or using Bernie Fishnotes' story generator?

The Doctor leaves a message on Ben's mobile to say he is going to the chemicals plant and lands the TARDIS in the grounds.
Since Ben has done absolute nothing in this story bar get drunk and seduce a bartender, this plot would work better if he wasn't in it at all.

His hunch is right as he sees Donna being bundled off into the building by two men.
WHY ARE THERE NO WOMEN?!

Meanwhile, Ben wakes up in the early hours in bed with James, his head resting on James' firm chest.
He shagged James? Surely Ben would have been parylitic.

AND SUCH SEX WOULD NOT BE ACCEPTABLE IN DOCTOR WHO!!

He realises that a rustling noise downstairs has woken him . James is also awake and they agree to go downstairs together to investigate. As they go downstairs they flick on the light and see a large animal scurry off out of the open door.
Why the hell did they leave the door open?

The landlord is lying dead on the pub floor, horribly mutilated.
Oh god. Flip the disc.

If say some horrible hairy creature burst into the pub and killed the landlord, it would probably NOT run off, but instead attack Ben and James as well.

Rushing back upstairs they look out of the window and see dark shapes scurrying around the lane outside. Ben recognises the shapes. The whole pub is surrounded by..... giant rats!
Oh god. Why on Earth are rats ripping people's throats out? Rats are scavengers and only attack... well, just about anything, if they are SCARED. They're more likely to run throught the town dump than sneak into pubs and eat people.

So.

You've nicked that from The Talens of Weng Chiang.

This is even worse than The Imperfect, Spara.

You've just hastily added the Doctor to a BC Spin Off Adventure and hoped no one will notice the difference.

Why not just spit in my face while you're at it?

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

AND SUCH SEX WOULD NOT BE ACCEPTABLE IN DOCTOR WHO!!

Before Spara suggests that this is simply homophobia speaking, you need to remember that Rose couldn't be shown in bed with Mickey in Doomsday, even though it was unbelievably blatantly obvious that they were having sex.

Youth of Australia said...

Episode 10: Lair
Liar, more like.

Ben & James call out for police help and Ben contacts UNIT.
Oh God.

You notice the Doctor doesn't ring for UNIT every time something happens to him.

I mean, why is Ben only good for contacting UNIT?

And why is UNIT NEVER able to notice such things on its own? It's supposed to be a professional organisation, but all they do is sit around waiting for Ben to ring them up...

Meanwhile the Doctor has been caught by patrol guards at the chemicals plant and is marched off to a holding room. Eventually the plant Director named Cooper comes to interrogate them. The Doctor tells him not to bother with any piffle as he knows that the tramp in the woods was killed by some kind of ravenous mammal and would like to know how the chemicals plant has caused this.
So, a rip off of The Green Death as well.

That means that Fields of Death, Road Rage, From the Depths, Reptillian Dawn and now this two parter ALL HAVE THE SAME PLOT.

And it was CRAP the first time.

"Well you already know too much so a little more won't hurt before your demise" Cooper replies.
Oh, for fuck's sake!

Why hasn't anyone noticed that the Doctor is the same bloke that's ruined their operations five times already this season?

No, let's just have a cliched villain explain all his plans so the Doctor can work out a way to stop him...

It seems that the plant had been dumping waste products in the river that runs by the woods and that somehow the waste had been killing fish, yet caused rats and watervoles to become enlarged and aggressive.
Why just those? Why not insects? Why not plants?

Brian Ford had been killed with the Saxon sword because he saw the rats.
If he SAW the rats... why not just feed him to the rats?

Why are they letting the rats run around? How can it do them ANY good?

The Doctor is concerned as the river flows on right through the nearby town of Holmton. "If it reaches an urban rat population, they could kill hundreds. And if it spreads further... to London...."
Yeah. UK-centric Doctor Who. Another reason why you won't be allowed to right for the real thing.

However the Doctors fears are founded. In Holmton enlarged rats start coming up from the sewers in their hundreds, and attack shoppers in the High Street, going for the throats.
Why?

Several babies are ripped from prams and devoured while the local Starbucks is overun with the ravenous vermin.
You sick bastard, Sparacus.

In an outer housing estate a woman pegging out washing is attacked by a giant otter which bites off her lower arm, while more rats race down the streets.
The worst part is this story is going to be totally forgotten and the next episode will act as though the Rat Rampage never happened.

Ben and James are rescued by UNIT and join the force as it heads towards Holmton to try and contain the town. Backed up by the army, the town is surrounded. However rats from Tenbury woods and further down the river's route are spreading out.
What? No soldiers were checking the river?!

Meabnwhile,at the chemicals plant the Doctor and Donna are taken out into an outside delivery yard to be shot.
Why? Why not just kill them where they were? Why shoot them? Surely it would be better to leave them to the rats.

As they are being ordered to stand against a wall, the Doctor sees Stephen Poole's face looking at them from a window. However before the guards can shoot them there are shouts of panic from within the building. A giant rat has entered the complex by knawing through the perimeter fence and is running amok. The Doctor uses this as an excuse to floor the remaining guards with venusian martial arts moves
As the Tenth Doctor is famous for.

, kicking their guns away, and he and Donna escape.
So, the only people that knew the rats could hurt them... were surprised when the rats attack.


Making it to the TARDIS, they travel to Holmton, having read Ben's info texts.
Ben couldn't say, leave a voice message? Or talk to them directly?

The Doctor persuades the UNIT Brigadier
YOU CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER HIS NAME!

to have a sample dead rat and takes it to the TARDIS lab to work on isolating the chemical. Once found, he quickly produces a counter- compound.
Yay. Stuff from the TARDIS saves the day. How incredibly unsatisfying.

Ben bravely volunteers to enter the town with a sprayer and spray one of the rodents as a test.
Bravely? Selfish, more like! Let a professional do it, you idiot!

James insists on going to and they both set off. Turning a corner they see a large rat nibbling at a corpse.
Nibbling? If it ripped the corpse's throat out, it can do more than just nibble!

Ben suggests that they wait in a doorway for it to approach however James recklessly strides out into the street to spray it only to be attacked on all sides by other rats and killed.
So James committed suicide rather than stay with Ben Chatham?

Good for him.

Ben rushes out and fires a jet of spray at the creatures before running. As he turns around he sees the rats dying.....
Yes! More wild animals dying in unspeakable agony! THIS is why people like Doctor Who!

The test successful, UNIT and the army carpet spray the town and along the river's route to kill the remaining rats.
Wow! Exactly the same way the Xanto worms, vegetable monsters and Silurians were killed!

ARE YOU RETARDED OR SOMETHING?!


Later Ben and the Doctor
But not Donna?

are shocked to discover that no action is to be taken against the chemicals plant for his 'accident' and that the PM, John Deerman,
Another man!

has ordered a national ban on media reporting of the incident 'for economic reasons'.
Didn't I say it would be forgotten?

Sorry, people are still going to notice the dead rats everywhere!

This is crap. The Doctor should have acted sooner, like when the Silurians were wiped out.

I no longer give a shit about ANYONE in this fictional universe of yours, Spara. Kill them all, I don't care! They're too stupid and lazy to mlive.

Ben is upset at James' death, ' I told him to wait but he just ran out . We'd only just met and now he's gone and left me alone again'.
Oh, well, boo-hoo. He only got eaten for Christ's sake. He didn't dump you like Charles, and anyway, you would have cheated on him like you do ALL your boy toys!

His eyes fill with tears and Donna comforts him, stroking his lush blonde hair.
It's BLOND you moron, not blonde! Only women have blonde hair! Men have blond hair!

The Doctor says ominously that it is time to pay the PM, John Deerman, a visit.....
Another man!

Jesus, why not attack Poole directly?

Youth of Australia said...

Before Spara suggests that this is simply homophobia speaking, you need to remember that Rose couldn't be shown in bed with Mickey in Doomsday, even though it was unbelievably blatantly obvious that they were having sex.
Indeed, cut dialogue from the beach scene confirmed that.

And of course it's not homophobic. There are plenty of gay/bisexual characters from Cassandra, to Captain Jack to Tommy to Shakespeare.

But you don't SEE them at it!

THAT IS THE RULE!

Youth of Australia said...

Oh, and why call episode 10 Lair when there is no lair in the episode?

As others have noted, the "Oh, God, the educated barman is dead!" being more important than "hundreds of babies have been eaten by otters" is sick.