Saturday, 3 October 2009

"Orchids in June" Act 2 Scene 1

Ok here is the much anticipated first scene of Act 2 folks:

ACT 2 : Scene 1

At the police station, Alistair is being interviewed.

Inspector Rigby: Ok, why not just spare us some time and just confess. I'm keen to get home as the wife has promised me a romp tonight.

Alistair: Look I'm not interested in your domestic arrangements. I am innocent.

Inspector Rigby: Balls. Just admit it, you poisoned the fondant fancies.

Alistair: Oh no I didn't. And I want to phone mummy's lawyer. I have a right to appropriate legal representation.

Inspector Rigby:*leans forward and grabs Alistair's shirt collars* Look ducky, we don't give a monkey's toss about rights in this station. Now confess or your teeth might emigrate from your mouth to parts foreign.

Alistair: This is absolutely beastly. Mummy will be furious. We pay our taxes so that the police can protect us from the criminal elements and instead we get treated as criminals ourselves. I did not poison Steve Crabbs.

There is a knock on the door and in walks PC Wold

Inspector Rigby: What the buggery **** do you want?

PC Wold: Sorry to disturb you Guv, however the initial report has come back from the lab.

Inspector Rigby: That was bloody quick.

PC Wold: Yeah Guv, we got Doctor Smythe to come in and do a quickie autopsy in the storeroom.

Inspector Rigby: What that old quack? Still if it gets the job done. What did he find?

PC Wold: He recons that the poison was not in the cake. Crabbs had also recently consumed a can of Stella and a beefburger. The poison was in the burger. It was Raisenanian, a slow acting rat poison.

Inspector Rigby: So it looks like this little twonk is off the hook. Ho hum.

Alistair: I would like an apology. My treatment here has been outrageous. Frankly I'm shocked that the police can behave so unprofessionally.

Inspector Rigby: Stop whining and bugger off. I'm off home for me oats. We'll resume the investigation tomorrow.......

..... to be continued

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