Wednesday, 6 February 2008

"Lord of the Reedy River" Part 3

Anyway, here is the next part of this Doctor Who special:

The creature moves towards the opening in the bramble and prepares to pounce on Donna, its mouth slavering. However Donna gets up and asks for a knife to cut some more meat off the boar carcass. The creature, seeing the wider group, slinks off back into the undergrowth.

Meanwhile, in Nottingham, a solitary knight clad all in armour approaches the castle. As he reaches the drawbridge he is met by the Sheriff's guards. He asks in a low murmur to see the Sheriff. When they laugh and refuse him entry, he pulls out a silver phaser device and kills them. He strides into the castle......

Back at the campfire Little John and Will Scarlett are telling stories of their exploits in the forest, much to the amusement of the other merry men. However Robin is subdued and Ben moves over to him:
"You look how I feel", Ben sympathises,
"Want to talk about it?"
"The Lady who I love, Maid Marion, is being held against her will in the castle and forced to court the attentions of Sir Guy of Gisbourne. I am trying to think of a fresh way to get ourselves into the castle and rescue her before its too late."
"I'd imagine it already is, he's probably slept with her already. I suggest you focus on the more serious matter of what this creature is and how we can help you restore your credibility with the local villagers."

Suddenly a portly, round figure in a friar's habit (played by Johnny Vegas) runs into the camp all in a panic, flapping his hands *canned audience laughter*:
"Come ye quickly. Its another body in the woods. I was taking a nap under a tree and I awoke to see a large furry thing feasting on it."
The Doctor jumps up grinning:
"You must be Friar Tuck! I've always wanted to meet you. I'm the Doctor. Now lead the way."
However the Friar's eyes have focused on the food:
"You could have come and told me that the boar was ready, I'm starving."
Much the miller's son glares at him:
"We knew there wouldn't be any left for us if we did, you fat bastard."
The Doctor intervenes and condemns the insulting of Tuck:
"Ok pack it in and stop insulting people." Come on, lets see whats afoot."

They follow Tuck into the woods and find another peasant , however although he has a few bite wounds he's still alive.
"Its old Catweazle the magician" Robin exclaims.
"Come tell us what happened."
Robin gives Catweazle a drink of mead from his trusty rams-horn and the old man coughs and splutters making puffing noises:
"Aye tis the spirits... puff ... spit... Twas when I was hunting for food for Touchwood my familiar. The thing it pounced, aye twer brown an furry. But the sight of yon Friar scared it off."
"He'd scare anyone , the fat slug" Will Scarlett exclaims *canned audience booing of Will".
"Aw stop that" The Doctor intervenes,
"This is serious. Its time to pay a visit to the river...."

Meanwhile, at Nottingham Castle, the Sheriff and Sir Guy are having an enforced audience with the solitary knight. "I serve the Dark Lord. I come to ask for your assistance. We need strong men to help us restore our vessel. In return, we offer you weaponry more advanced than anything on this planet......"

- to be continued.

4 comments:

Johnstone said...

A slight improvement. The Doctor is almost in character. However it's dragged down by offencive joken and stupid canned laughter. Also you seem to be ripping off the Time warrior.

3/10

Youth of Australia said...

Maybe. But my pals on OG got me this stuff ages ago and I spoofed it long before it reached the official blog.

So, basically, your blog updating system is crap.

Oh, and I am still incredibly pissed off as to how you've upset a close friend of mine. Specifically with the

"The Lady who I love, Maid Marion, is being held against her will in the castle and forced to court the attentions of Sir Guy of Gisbourne. I am trying to think of a fresh way to get ourselves into the castle and rescue her before its too late."
"I'd imagine it already is, he's probably slept with her already. I suggest you focus on the more serious matter of what this creature is and how we can help you restore your credibility with the local villagers."


You remember that business with Herne, Spara? You know, the peaceful earth spirit worshippers YOU dubbed cannibalistic druids until we all told you off?

Well, the crap that little "Chatham Charm" has created is TEN TIMES AS BAD as Herne.

You done WRONG, boy.

So set the standards and apologize. I assume you know who to - it isn't me.

sparacus said...

YOA

The passage which you quote is not intentionally offensive in any way. If people find my fiction upsetting then maybe my threads are not the best place for them. Obviously I apologise if any unintentional offence has occured.

Youth of Australia said...

Sparacus, you're stories are full of negative portrayals of women, with them being ruthlessly slaughtered, emotionally tormented, and regularly insulted.

You clearly have issues with women. Since you cannot be arsed to either get any writing lessons or submit your material to anyone, you should at least get counselling for this hideous personality flaw.

Your fiction may not intentionally upset people, but until you rectify this it will CONTINUE to do so.

While I acknowledge this apology, as I said, I'm not the one who was DEEPLY hurt. You really should think about others' feelings before you write off women as insensitive sluts - as you've been doing ever since you had Rose Tyler becoming a panting bitch of Ben Chatham.

Think about it.