Sunday, 6 September 2009

"ORCHIDS IN JUNE" Act 1 Scene 5

Anyway, here is the next scene in this major stage play:

ACT 1: Scene 5

Alistair ushers everyone back into the house and pours the drinks

Rosemary: *taking glass*Thankyou darling. I don't know what I'd do without you. If only your father were so understanding.

Steve: Ere I'm bleeding. I've cut me arm and me soddin arse.

Rosemary: Well that serves you jolly well right for your immoral behaviour earlier. You lack a sense of personal integrity.

Steve: Leave me alone you crabby old bitch.

Alistair: Don't you insult my mother.

Jethro: What about moi computer?

Rosemary: We are not interested in your darn computer. Take it up with Shaun.

As she says this, Shaun emerges from upstairs in his dressing gown, entering stage left.

Shaun: Whats all this noise? I'm trying to sleep.

Jethro: Oi waaaaant you to look at moi computer. That saaaaaaftware you saaaaald me has roight knackered it.

Shaun: Oh shut up you ridiculous yokel. *to Steve* What are you doing in my house?

PC Wold: I suggest we all calm down. Mr Lane, there has been an accident. However its all under control *downs glass of wine*.

Jethro: What about moi computer?

Steve: Shove it up your arse.

Jethro: Roight. If thaaaaats your last word then on your own 'ead be it. Don't say I didn't waaaarn eee. Red skoy in the marnin, shepherd's warnin'. *exits stage right*

Steve: My arse is sore.

Shaun: As said the curate to the Bishop.

Rosemary: Can we all please focus on sorting out our differences in an orderly way. I accept that Steven has done more harm to himself by his clumsy and immoral actions. I suggest we agree to part amicably.

Shaun: Stuff that. This yobbo can pay to replace my window. I go to work. He is a workshy layabout.

Amy: He's not. He's like just between jobs.

Alistair: Would anyone like a fondant fancy? *offers cake*

Steve grabs a cakeThere is a knock on the door and Rosemary opens it. In walks Cuthbert Leeman, the sixtysomething next door neighbour

Cuthbert: Sorry to intrude on you darlings but I just had to join you as I adore conversation. Mmmm fondant fancies, how delicious *takes a cake and gives Alistair's bottom a feel*.

Suddenly Steve keels over and makes a choking sound

Steve: *choke* the.... cake......can't ..... throat burning......

He goes silent. PC Wold inspects him

PC Wold: What have we here then? He's dead.

Amy: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!

PC Wold: Nobody move! I suspect foul play.......

...... to be continued.

No comments: