ACT 1: Scene 7
The Inspector & PC Wold rush outside followed by everyone else (onstage the lights dim & the stagehands run on & change the set while a bit of music plays - Mozart)Outside Jethro has dumped a load of manure outside the lane's house with his tractor & trailer (the stagehands empty a couple of wheelbarrows onto the stage)
Rosemary: Oh sugar! How awful. Our patio is covered with filth.
Jethro: Thaaat'l teach your 'usband to diddle me.
Shaun: Remove that **** at once.
Jethro: What about moi computer? Oi waaaant it fixed roight or thaaat stays where oive daaarmped it.
Rosemary: Inspector, please arrest this farmer for vandalism.
Inspector Rigby: I'm afraid this is a civil matter. What concerns me is the murder.
Alistair: This is typical of the police today. Respectable people are at the mercy of criminal activity and the police do nothing. What is to stop all decent people having mounds of cow dung dumped on their doorsteps?
Rosemary moves to the front of the stage and addresses the audience poigniantly. A single tear appears in her eye
Rosemary: Oh that this too too solid flesh would melt,
thaw and resolve itself into a dew.
To be or not to be a respectable middle-class person,
that is the question.
Whether it is nobler in the mind to put up with the rising tide of crime in Brown's Britain,
or to slash your wrists up and die,
entering that undiscovered country,
where unto the breach we go.
Out, out brief candles,
and yet, what light from yonder window does break?
It is the light of hope,
that the police will arrest all hoodies, druggies and oddball farmers,
and chuck them in prison.
Estelle: Well said darling!
Alistair: That was beautiful mother.
Jethro: What about moi computer?
........... to be continued