OK folks, here is the next scene of this major work:
ACT 2: Scene 2
Back at the house, Rosemary is having a mini breakdown
Rosemary: *dabs eye with hanky* I simply don't know how we can get through this. What must Alistair be going through? I don't feel in control of my life anymore. I need a valium.
Shaun: He'll be ok.
Rosemary: But how the hell do you know that Shaun. And what about the state of our marriage? We never talk anymore. I feel like its all falling apart, like we are just a bad habit.
Shaun: Look love, its probably just time of the month. Have a G&T and a sleep.
Rosemary: *shouting* While you go off to see your floozy?
Shaun: *aside to audience* A change of tack needed. *To Rosemary* Look love, I see the pressure is getting to you. I'll phone the Doctor.
Shaun exits stage left, while Bob & Estelle descend the stairs.
Bob: Er well, thats the toilet fixed. Well blocked it was. Whoever did that dump must've been constipated for a month.
Rosemary: *sniff* Well we did have a large meal yesterday. I made a beef chilli.
Bob: It smelt like it. I can still smell it on me hands. Did you know that at the time of his death Elvis Presley had fifteen pounds of compacted faeces in his bowels?
Estelle: Darling, I don't think Rosemary wants to hear about faeces. Can we be a trifle more refined. *squeezes Bob's behind*.
Suddenly there is a knock on the door.
Estelle: I'll open it darlings. She opens the door and in walks Alistair
Rosemary: *bursts into tears* My baby. *Hugs Alistair*
Alistair: It was horrible , absolutely ghastly. Horrible men acosting me and threatening to knock my teeth out.
Rosemary: Well I shall phone our solicitor. Its outrageous that the police should treat you like this. This is a respectable close not a sink estate.
There is another knock on the door. Estelle opens it and in walks the Doctor, a grey-haired man in his sixties. He carries a Doctors bag.
Doctor Smythe: Hello hello hello. Are you the patient?
Estelle: Not to my knowledge darling.
Rosemary: Er no its me. My husband called you, but there really is no need.
Doctor Smythe: Now let me be the judge of that madam. *pulls out stethoscope & listens to Rosemary's chest* Hmmm. There's something wrong with your heart. Also you look a bit yellow which suggests jaundice.
Alistair: Jaundice? This is awful. I might faint.
Estelle steadies him
Doctor Smythe: I'll give you some pills, these red ones are good. They're a general pick me up I found on the internet.
Suddenly there is a huge scream from outside in the garden...................
............... to be continued
Saturday, 3 October 2009
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2 comments:
This is not a long play. There is not enough characterisation. I would consider revising it. You clearly have only done one draft.
He hasn't even finished that draft yet.
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