Saturday, 22 March 2008

"CRYSTAL" : Part One

New Doctor Who Adventure:

"CRYSTAL"

Ok folks, here it is, the long-promised first episode of the new Doctor Who adventure."CRYSTAL"Featuring:

The Doctor - David Tennant
Donna Noble- Catherine Tate
Ben Chatham - Adam Rickitt
Katie Ryan - Kate Ryan
Kyle Scott - Rory Jennings

London Zoo. As the sun sets and the cold March wind blows straw, dust and empty crisp packets into the air, the last visitors are being shown out. Len Meadows, the head keeper is staring at the tigers in their enclosure and a sense of unease creeps over him. All of the animals had been behaving oddly all day, unusually quiet, docile and tranquil. Now the tigers were showing no interest whatsoever in the meat Len had thrown into their cage, when normally they’d be gnawing and tearing at it. Suddenly the animals all turn and stare at him simultaneously and Len has a feeling of deep foreboding. Then they move. The tigers leap into the air and an unnatural energy seems to propel them upwards and over the high fence which encloses them. The first tiger bites into Len’s head and shakes him like a gazelle. The others race at the departing visitors. Women scream as the tigers leap upon the crowd, tossing children around like rag dolls and biting deep into flesh…….

The TARDIS lands in the grounds of ‘The Cedars Private Clinic’ in London, a well-maintained Victorian building set among a spacious and well-kept garden.
“Well here we are then,” the Doctor quips, grinning as he steps out onto the grass, followed by Kyle, Ben, Katie and Donna.
“Mmmm lovely building , Victorian neo-gothic.”
Ben looks around confused:
“Are you sure this is where your mother is staying Kyle? I mean don’t take this the wrong way but when you said that she’s in hospital due to heroin withdrawal symptoms , I didn’t have in mind what looks like an exclusive private clinic.”
“Clearly a mistake” Katie chips in.
Kyle is irritated:“Look all I know is this ere is where mum said in ‘er text.”
“I don’t know why you bother with her,” Katie replies, “She dragged you up badly while on heroin , always a different boyfriend while you were left to look after yourself from what you’ve told us.”
“Look, quit dissin’ my mum. Whatever she’s done she’s still my mum and I love her.”
The Doctor turns round:“Look, why don’t you all go in and sort this out while me & Donna pay a visit to London Zoo. That incident with the tigers yesterday intrigues me. We’ll be back in an hour at a guess.”

The Doctor and Donna step back into the TARDIS while Ben and the others walk up to the door of the Cedars.Inside the Cedars, the group are greeted by a well-spoken and immaculately dressed woman of around 40.
“Hello. I’m Lavina Hendridge, Director of the Cedars. How can I be of assistance?”
“I’ve come to see my mum like. I did ring.” Kyle says.
“Oh you must be Mr Scott, Sharon’s son. She’s progressing very well. Our exclusive personalised care can make all the difference in these cases. You can see her now if you like.”
Katie whispers to Ben:“How the hell can chavboy’s mum afford this? Are they lottery winners?”

They are shown upstairs to a private room where Sharon Scott sits watching tv, her thin face looking older than her 38 years.
“Mum” Kyle shouts, embracing her as she smiles:
“Ere hows things Kye babe?”
“Great. These are some of my friends like. You ok?”
“Yeah, this place is really ‘elpin’ me deal with it. Trevor’s payin’ for it, my new fella. He’s loaded, owns a string of nightclubs. Looks after me real well.”
Katie mutters to Ben:“So she’s living off some dodgy London wide boy, that explains it.”
Sharon looks up:“Ere I heard that, who the **** are you.?”
“Don’t you swear at me. Some of us gain money via careers rather than on our backs. It’s a shame you didn’t think more about your son years ago when getting hooked on drugs instead of wasting half your life as an addict.”

Ben grabs Katie by the arm and pushes her out:“I’m sorry Kyle& Miss Scott, sorry….”
Outside,Ben is furious with Katie:“Look that was bang out of order. What the hell is wrong with you Katie?”
“Oh come off it Ben. I was only saying what you were thinking.”
Meanwhile, Kyle is simmering with anger, however Sharon stares at him:
“She does ‘ave a point Kye. I’ve been a terrible mum….”
“No you ain’t…”
“Yes I ‘ave. Half the time never ‘ome, you left to feed yourself ‘an stuff. I’m sorry Kye.But I promise you, its all changing.I’m gonna get off smack for good.”
“Am I like my dad?” Kyle asks. Sharon smiles:
“Why’d you ask that?”
“Its just you never tell me about ‘im.”
“Well we only went out a few times. We was only kids. He didn’t wanna know when I got pregnant. But you look like ‘im…..”

Meanwhile, Ben and Katie are wandering through the clinic:
“I’m half expecting to bump into the likes of that Amy Whitehouse person or Pete Docherty” Katie observes.
“Well theres certainly some money in here.” Ben replies.
In the lounge, the window is open and a young male heroin addict is staring vacantly out of it. Suddenly, a cat leaps through the window and buries its teeth in his neck. As he howls and tries to throw it off, three more cats leap in and attack him, spitting and screeching, claws plunging towards his eyeballs………

………..to be continued.

16 comments:

noseofsauron said...

Intresting. But why do so many massacres in your stories involve children being graphicly slaughtered?

sparacus said...

It adds a sense of drama & horror

Cameron Mason said...

Let's go through the check list...

Classism - check
Violence against women and children - check
The Doctor and Donna barely in the story - check
Too much focus on Ben - check

In other words it's business as usual...

Cameron

Leonard Hatred said...

Sorry for sounding thick, but is there a word for hating children? Women haters are misogynists, people who discriminate against blacks & ethnic minorities are racists, obviously, but is there a term for child-haters?

Actually, the term for all of the above combined is hereby known as "Sparacus", & should be sent off for inclusion in the Collins English Dictionary ASAP!

sparacus said...

There is no 'hatred of children' in my stories. Having the odd child killed by a monster adds to the horror element that is a central tenet of the show.

Youth of Australia said...

There is no 'hatred of children' in my stories.
Yes there is. You openly despise children - and so does Ben Chatham. You ruthlessly slaughter them whenever you can.

Having the odd child killed by a monster adds to the horror element that is a central tenet of the show.
How many classic Doctor Who stories feature child death?

...

Hmmm? I can only think of Empty Child and THAT was reversed at the end of the story.

And the central tennant of Doctor Who is that curiosity, compassion and wonder are the most important things in the world. Three other things lacking in your "Ben Chatham in London doing nothing" plots...

You're just a sick freak who likes writing about children being mercilessly slaughtered.

Youth of Australia said...

London Zoo.
It's contemptible. You have the narrative conceit to go anywhere, anywhen. And you choose London Zoo in the present.

Your imagination is broken.

Len Meadows, the head keeper is staring at the tigers in their enclosure and a sense of unease creeps over him.
How exactly is this conveyed on screen? Gurning, perhaps?

Now the tigers were showing no interest whatsoever in the meat Len had thrown into their cage, when normally they’d be gnawing and tearing at it.
This is a rip off the TV comic "Arkwood Experiments!"

Get your own ideas!

The tigers leap into the air and an unnatural energy seems to propel them upwards and over the high fence which encloses them.
Flying tigers.

...

FLYING tigers.

That is the second most retarded idea ever. Flying sharks could work, as Double the Fist proved, but flying tigers?

Women scream as the tigers leap upon the crowd, tossing children around like rag dolls and biting deep into flesh.
I bet you orgasmed when you wrote that, you death-loving sicko.

The TARDIS lands in the grounds of ‘The Cedars Private Clinic’ in London, a well-maintained Victorian building set among a spacious and well-kept garden.
Wow, just like Harvest of Evil. Hopefully you won't finish this one either.

“Well here we are then,” the Doctor quips
That's not a "quip" you moron! Sparacus, get a freaking dictionary and learn something about the English language.

“Are you sure this is where your mother is staying Kyle?
Wait, they went there by TARDIS?

Don't these people have legs?

I mean don’t take this the wrong way but when you said that she’s in hospital due to heroin withdrawal symptoms , I didn’t have in mind what looks like an exclusive private clinic.”
Hey poofter, nice exposition!

“Clearly a mistake” Katie chips in.
Why is she there? No one likes her, no one wants her, she doesn't want to be there...

“I don’t know why you bother with her,” Katie replies, “She dragged you up badly while on heroin , always a different boyfriend while you were left to look after yourself from what you’ve told us.”
Fuck off, Katie.

That incident with the tigers yesterday intrigues me.
Does the Tenth Doctor talk like that? No. Does ANY Doctor talk like that?

You're a fool, Sparacus.

The Doctor and Donna step back into the TARDIS
Donna STILL hasn't done anything?

You moron!


Katie whispers to Ben:“How the hell can chavboy’s mum afford this? Are they lottery winners?”
No one - I mean NO ONE - likes Katie. There are people, I admit, who enjoy Ben Chatham and his adventures, but even THEY hate Katie!

JUST DITCH HER!

They are shown upstairs to a private room where Sharon Scott sits watching tv, her thin face looking older than her 38 years.
Wow, this is almost like you've mindlessly plagiarized the latest Torchwood episode... which you often do!

Katie mutters to Ben:“So she’s living off some dodgy London wide boy, that explains it.”
Seriously, WHY does she keep whispering in Ben's ear? If that DOES explain it, why doesn't she shut up?

“Don’t you swear at me. Some of us gain money via careers rather than on our backs.
Says the slut who refuses to work and spends all her time trying to seduce Ben Chatham...

It’s a shame you didn’t think more about your son years ago when getting hooked on drugs instead of wasting half your life as an addict.”
Honestly, what does she think will happen when she says that? That there will be angelic choirs and people will scream "MY GOD, SHE'S RIGHT!"?

Outside,Ben is furious with Katie:“Look that was bang out of order. What the hell is wrong with you Katie?”
Even Ben hates her!

“Oh come off it Ben. I was only saying what you were thinking.”
Oh, that justifies it completely. As long as someone agrees with her, she can be as rude as she likes to anyone anytime without comebacks.

I hate Katie and the person who created her character.

“I’m half expecting to bump into the likes of that Amy Whitehouse person or Pete Docherty” Katie observes.
I'm half expecting you to get punched unconscious for your appalling manners. Life goes on.

Where the hell are the Doctor and Donna? This is a DOCTOR WHO adventure, not a Ben Chatham one. You can't even remember your own promises...

Suddenly, a cat leaps through the window and buries its teeth in his neck.
Psychotic cats. That's another thing you always right about, even down to Ben snapping their necks.

I thought you LIKED cats. Or did you learn to dispise them after they died on you?

A completely retarded and pointless display - you call it a "new Doctor Who adventure" TWICE and the Doctor gets two lines of dialogue, Donna gets none and they make a cameo appearance.

You're a talentless nothing.

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

So... what's the deal with the poll? How are we meant to rate the story when it's incomplete?

Youth of Australia said...

The blog administrator is clearly not firing at all cylinders. See how half the main page is a black void lined with youtube links... no real thought goes into the blog at all. This is the guy who cannot type A+N+D and needs "&"...

Leonard Hatred said...

"This is the guy who cannot type A+N+D and needs "&"..."

I must confess to doing that, actually. A lazy habit, admittedly.

Though I still don't write childish, bigoted wank fantasies focusing on some of the most repulsive fictional characters ever invented*, so hopefully I'm not quite on Spara's level yet...











* ...aside from the Lavatorial Chathamverse, of course!

Miles said...

Anyway, Sparacus. Children getting torn apart by Tigers constitutes 'splatter' more than horror.

Horror, true, pants-wetting horror is brought through, unease, tension, a sense of the unknown and the not wanting to SEE the unknown. 'Blink' is a horror story. The Japanese Movie- 'Ring' is a perfect example of 'horror' in a visual medium. It creates that sense of unease which remains in the viewer long after reading or watching. Blood and guts aren't scary, they may produce a visceral reaction in the viewer, but that isn't truly horror. The so-called 'horror' element in Doctor Who is mostly 'help, I'm being attacked by a monster that defies explanation!' and really only horror of 'B-Movie' variety.

To be perfectly honest, with your knowledge of 'horror', you should just put Ben Chatham in a Slasher Movie, because that's where the maturity of your concept horror belongs.

Youth of Australia said...

He's right. Horror is a concept. It's the thing in the dark. The presence outside your window. That thing which moved when you took your eyes off. Something that cannot be rationalized easily.

What you've got are a list of B-grade Godzilla villains (werewolves, aliens, living fire monsters, corrupt industrialists and GM monsters) who kill people and are then dealt with by Torchwood off screen.

Even if that was entertaing or even scary, it's not horror.

sparacus said...

YOA, Miles & Leonard

Thanks for your comments and analysis. I find them rather florid in places but will endeavour to take them on board.
I stress that Katie is not a character that will be liked by everyone.

Youth of Australia said...

Name someone bar you who likes her.

The Doctor, Donna, Martha, Kyle, OD, even BEN CHATHAM hates her. In Harvest of Evil you made it clear no one cared whether she lived or died... so who EXACTLY likes her?

sparacus said...

Ben does kind of like Katie in his own way.

comment deleted said...

In Harvest of Evil, he tells the Doctor he doesn't care if she lives or dies as long as he doesn't get blamed for it by her parents. This is "sort of liking her", is it?

No wonder you have so few friends.