Saturday, 1 March 2008

The Ghosts of Weatherfield: Part 3 (Enhanced draft)

Michelle Connor screams as the figure before her slowly fades away. Ben and Katie vault feistily over the Rovers bar and rush into the back room.
"What was it? What did you see?" Ben asks:
"It.. it was a woman... she just vanished...." Michelle stammers.
"Well? What did she look like" Ben enquires:
"She was... old",
"And? Is that it? For pity's sake can't you recall anything else? Her clothing for instance?"
However Michelle is too shocked and Liz comforts her, asking Ben and Katie to leave.

Meanwhile the Doctor and Donna have arrived at the Underworld factory. Walking in, they are met with a number of suggestive whistles from the girls:
"He's a bit of alright" Kelly says.
"Eees more than alright " Janice Battersby cackles lewdly.
"Er excuse me girls but I'm looking for the boss," the Doctor says:
"Eees in that office luv," Janice replies.
Walking into the office, they see Liam and Carla locked in a romantic embrace . They jump apart:
"Who are you?" Liam asks in a nasal Manc voice.
"I'm the Doctor and this is Donna. We are investigating the series of hauntings reported in this street. I understand that this factory has been a major centre of this."
"It has that pal. Apparenly there used to be an old Mission on part of this site. We've seen all sorts, its taken me 'alf an hour to get that lot out there to come back in."
Suddenly there is a scream from outside. The Doctor, Donna & Liam rush out to see the girls all rushing out:
"Its Mr Baldwin back from the dead" Janice shouts.
There in front of them, the figure of the late Mike Baldwin stands, a glass of scotch in his hand. He slowly fades........

Meanwhile, Ben and Katie are leaving the Rovers Return and walking along the cobbles. In the distance, a bus is leaving Rosamund Steet. As it turns into Coronation Street, three figures appear in front of it. As they watch they almost bump into a sixty-something man in front of them, also staring at the figures:
"Thats Ena Sharples, Minnie Cauldwell and Martha Longhurst," Ken Barlow says : "But they've been dead for years...."
Suddenly a light shoots out from the figures mouths and hits the bus. The passengers inside scream and claw at the glass as the fire leaps up and crackles and spits through their hair. Two children run out and fall over smouldering as the others turn slowly red then black. The ghostly figures slowly fade.
Ben turns to Katie:
"This is serious....." be continued


Anonymous said...

why you rewritten this. Because you couldn't be arsed to save the first one?
And its still crap.

sparacus said...


I have rewritten this to improve it. People have asked me to do redrafts before and yet when I do one I'm criticised for it. I can't win.
Care to say why you think its 'crap' as you put it?

Anonymous said...

Different anonymous.

How EXACTLY does this differ from the original? I can't spot the new/enhanced material at all.

Scyther Slitheen said...

The only inhancement I can see is that you added children dieing at the end which didnt happen in the original... why on earth did you do that!? :(

sparacus said...


I wanted to make the scene a tad more horrific, more 'Torchwood' if you like.

Scyther Slitheen said...

Well you sertinly did that, because not even Torchwood whould show something horiffic like that :(

Also, your not writing a TW story, its a Doctor Who/corri one and that whole scen is just completly wrong for both series.

Thats the one thing I can never understand about your story, there just way to violent to be in DW. Its like you dont understand the show :(

Youth of Australia said...

He always kills children and teenage girls in his stories. It's symptomatic of his hatred for those sectors of society. Mind you, he likes them to burn to death in agony a lot, rather than being killed effortlessly with CGI, which is as nasty as Torchwood could get...

sparacus said...

"It's symptomatic of his hatred for those sectors of society. "

Not at all. Its just traditional drama. Viewers prefer to see girls being chased by monsters etc rather than men as its more frightening.

Youth of Australia said...

WHAT viewers?!

There are no viewers and they never will be. And it's your fault cause you've done nothing to make it viewable in the first place.

Scyther Slitheen said...

I can understand that, that is what classic DW did all the time anyway but times have changed, TV is more flexabel and less sexist :)

And seeing kids and woman being torcherd to death is NOT what views whould want to see :(

sparacus said...

"And seeing kids and woman being torcherd to death is NOT what views whould want to see :("

Such scenes could be toned down in the broadcast version and used as dvd extras.

Youth of Australia said...

There are no DVD extras.

This is a summary on a blog.

It will NEVER change from that precisely because you will NEVER do anything with it beyond leaving it on your blog.

This is fact. Let us move on.

Scyther Slitheen said...

"Such scenes could be toned down in the broadcast version and used as dvd extras."

But why on earth add them as extras? You know its not just adults who by the box sets.

Though the fact is not even adults whould want to see something as sick as that, thats not why they watch DW. If you added something like that to any DW story it whould ruin the show.